To think a lot of MN are ableist?

If the only gripe about disability was apparent disadvantage to other pupils in schools from children with autism or ADHD having extra support perhaps there would be less heat in discussion about disability etc etc but that’s most likely just what some posters will say to sound like “discussion about disability “ is impossible because some people get upset (fucking right they do).

Disability isn’t about having a life-long medical condition or life-long pain - both being presumably horrendous for the most part.
It is about being unable to do what most others can do.
Education or work will be part of that picture but so will driving, walking, talking, eating, washing, toileting, managing money, sleeping and so on.
Anything benefits related is supposed to help a person who is disabled be more able - it isn’t meant to compensate for “merely” (ie solely) having the condition.
I think that the fudging the issue of cost to a State versus the dignity and humanity of the person experiencing the inability to do things most regular people can do (whether with pain or a bit or often) is the source of much of what is reasonably being described as “ableist” by people defending disabled people .
In many circumstances (on MN but not this thread that I’ve noticed) are actually meeting the definition of hate speech.

When people complain about taxis to schools I often do what pps above do - explain the statuary obligation of the State to enable safe transportation to school and how few specialist schools there are, how far away they are. That reasonable response gets nowhere. I’m far more inclined now to ask “hands up who wants their child (with or without disability) to share transportation with my doubly incontinent child when she has a poo en route? Who wants their child sitting next to her having thick secretions suctioned out of her mouth or watching her vomit if her food hasn’t digested for one reason or another “..,
Or .. who wants to tell her special school to open the gates to parents before 9am so that they can then teleport back to employment 40 minutes in a different direction.

Please don’t bother telling me she doesn’t deserve to live etc etc I’m beyond bored of that narrative and if anyone who thinks that wants to pop around and help her achieve this “natural end” I’ll give you my address- let’s see how well it goes faces with the happiest and sweetest person I know.

Taking strong views is one thing, posting poorly conceived nonsense is quite another and it is the latter that you are being, understandably, challenged on. Trying to play the injured party who has no idea what they've done to deserve such robust responses is a little disingenuous.
I can speak from personal experience as someone who actually benefitted from the reasonable adjustments for disabled children during exams which you appear to have such a bee in your bonnet about.
My question papers were given to me in braille, with tactile diagrams where appropriate. By your logic, sighted students should also be given papers in braille, so that we are all getting the same treatment, though I'm not sure what good it would have done them!
Fortunately, when I was taking my A-levels, the exam board were willing to accept electronic transcripts so I was able to write answers on my laptop.
However, when I did my GCSEs a couple of years earlier, they had no facility to accept electronic submissions. Therefore, in order to complete my GCSE exams, I required a scribe and, for obvious reasons, a separate room in which to complete my exams. I also had a great deal of extra time. You may be horrified by all of this special treatment but I'd warrant you have never had to dictate a Latin to English translation of Caesar's war diaries, compose and dictate an essay on crop rotation during the agrarian revolution, specify the placement of data on various graphs or describe a diagram of a plant's reproductive system out loud to someone else. All this with no way of visually checking your work so far so needing to get the scribe to read parts of your answers back to you repeatedly. Believe me, this all takes a lot more time than simply being able to write and check your own work.
I did very well in my GCSEs, achieving nine A*S. Maybe you will say this diminishes my achievement as I had more time than my non-disabled peers, though I am confident that none of them would have willingly exchanged my exam experience, with all its attendant challenges, for theirs.

I could say the same to you.

Professionals and parents don’t tell their newly diagnosed kids that they can’t do anything. 9 times out of 10 they get a diagnosis to help them achieve to the best of their ability .

What on earth are you on about?

And you have zero evidence that that happens .

because telling someone there is no chance of them ever achieving something is abusive, and stops people from even trying.

It isn't about 'dictating' anything.. its about opening their eyes to the possibilities of challenging themselves.

Do you think any of the CIN challenge squad would have even tried what they did if parents and drs and the professionals around them told them they'd never be able to do it?

But they are your own words!

I'm not sure what you're disagreeing with.

To get Carers allowance i have to prove to the government that i am doing 35+ hours of care for a disabled person. That person could be anyone in receipt of higher rate care DLA or PIP. CA is there to act as a wage, its even taken into account as a taxable sum that i have to declare as Earnings for pension contributions.

I don’t think you can dictate what people with disabilities can and can’t do.

“There needs to be less 'you have ASD/ADHD therefore you CANT' and more 'you can if you work and find ways around it and with your disability”

is quite offensive.

Some would say what you and your kids are doing is not exactly challenging. The careers that other ND people may be a lot more challenging. ND is a spectrum and is far more challenging in how it presents for many. Who are you to say what they can or can’t do?

I am not attempting to start a conflict. The issue is that you continue to circulate incorrect information despite multiple posters having already provided accurate corrections. Repeating the same inaccuracies does not transform them into facts.

Identifying misinformation in your posts is not antagonistic, nor does it derail the discussion. This thread exists to highlight the ongoing problem of certain contributors on MN and their attitudes toward disabled children and adults. Unfortunately, your repeated submissions have illustrated that problem with remarkable clarity.

We will have to agree to disagree.

You disagree with easily available statistics?

i'm not parenting. i'm caring, there is a difference.

i have two kids. both 16+
one can dress, wash themselves, cook for themselves, feed themselves, walk to college by themselves, look after a phone, a bank account and learn to drive.

The other can do none of that. He needs constant help and supervision. My parenting of him, and my caring for him are different roles. It's like having a 19yo toddler in my care.

So no, the government is not helping me meet my parenting responsibility, they are paying me to be his carer, instead of paying an actual carer NMW while i go out to work.

We will have to agree to disagree. The privilege is in having a welfare state.

I agree to a point.. but i think some of that is the current apathy of teenagers (god i sound old).

That kind of thing doesn't fly in my house. My DB is older than me, and has a successful career despite being AuDHD and having ME/CFS, could he work in an office? no, but he works very successfully from home and gets paid a 6 figure salary thanks to adjustments his company allows.

I worked up until i had to give up work to be a carer, despite my own AuDHD and anxiety issues, as a classroom assistant, and have done voluntary work in even planning and for my younger childs mainstream school as a reader when i've had free hours.

I've told both my kids (even the profoundly disabled one) that they CAN do, i have never told them they can't, and i have certainly never once allowed them to believe that life can be lived sat on their butts, i encourage them to find their talents, and find their niches... despite struggling horrendously in her GCSE's DD is at College learning how to make and edit films, learning photography and art.. she's found her niche. DS is working towards it, its just taking him longer, but he's showing interest in voice acting and audio book reading and publishing game walkthroughs.

There needs to be less 'you have ASD/ADHD therefore you CANT' and more 'you can if you work and find ways around it and with your disability'

If in doubt, you’re very welcome to spend 24 hours with my lovely but exhausting DS8 who has profound autism. He might headbutt things at first because he fears new people. Once he gets used to you, he will likely shout facts at the top of his voice because he thinks that’s how to make friends. He also has a tendency to run in roads because he has no sense of danger and poor proprioception, so please be on your toes at all times. Oh and he doesn’t sleep, so you’ll be needing a great deal of coffee. Have fun!

I’ll happily give you a proportionate share of the £270-odd DLA we receive for him. 👍

Surely the State is there to help parents meet their parental responsibility not replace them.

AS is really useful with some posters. I would not waste any more time on this one.

My son told me. If he was younger, non verbal etc then I probably would have never known.

YANBU at all
I feel like if parents of kids with SEND who are often under extreme stress and isolated, can’t freely get support on a site like this, aimed at parents, then where the fuck can they? Yet the number of dicks on here who want to put the boot in is very upsetting. And MN is not good at removing these comments

Sounds more likely.

and you wonder why people take strong views instead of discussing like reasonable adults..

At least you are open about wanting to start an argument, that's to be applauded

No not well thought out reasons - ignorance and abelism.

Please share your reasons.