Ashamed of the way DS is behaving

This is a classic case of it’s best not to know what our adult children get up to. I’d just ignore it. In the scheme of things his behaviour is not that bad. If I saw that I’d just think they were a bunch of friends that had a good night out. They probably work hard and party hard. If you think that’s bad you haven’t experienced Newcastle on a Saturday night!
Thankfully all my drunken shenanigans took place before social media!

This we live on a train line out of London and joke about the drunk trains coming back - and it isn’t just young groups there can be those in their 40s/50s on a fairly regular basis

and I think it has been normalised in the sense that everyone pretty much ignores it and it never crosses a line

weirdly (and it does sound slightly counterintuitive) but you can feel safer because you know when it is lighthearted and fun

this isn’t new or just UK DS favourite 2000 sitcom has a whole episode about the drunk train from manhattan to Long Island

If he's got 70 followers then it's not really private Op, it only takes one to say the wrong thing on their public feed for it to spread far and wide. At 29 he's a bit old for showing off like a teenager, you're his Mum, who better to point that out?

I would probably say something to my child if I saw that on Instagram, like watch how you behave on public transport be aware there’s other people around and of anything that could potentially get you into trouble considering your profession, but apart from that I wouldn’t give it much more thought.

A girl doing a cartwheel and playing music isn’t what I’d be intimidated about on a train.

You probably had an idea of him because of his career etc and now you’re seeing a version of him that you didn’t imagine but he’s only human and no one behaves perfectly all the time.

It just sounds like young people having fun. I don't think anything there sounds like it would make the average person feel intimidated. Have you ever travelled on the train at night? Drunk and rowdy people aren't unusual. I'd say it only becomes intimidating if one of them is being aggressive.
I think being ashamed is a massive overreaction and very unfair of you to say about the DS you describe as a lovely guy.

I think you're completely overreacting and your response to this is verging on pearl-clutching. He sounds like a normal guy in his twenties who works hard all week and has enjoyed a night out. At some point in their lives, most people have a few too many to drink on a Saturday night, get a bit jolly and fancy a sing-song or become louder than usual. He has a mere 70 friends on his private instagram, I highly doubt anybody will rat him out to his employer (who I doubt would care about their employee becoming louder than usual while drunk).

Tbh I don’t think mine would behave like that anyway on trains. Certainly not my younger one as he hates anything like.

I really hate it when people treat train platforms like playgrounds (the amount of parents who let their children run around them astonishes me and causes me terrible anxiety as I worry for the kids safety, even though their parents evidently don’t).

If I saw a grown woman doing cartwheels on a train platform I’d think she was mentally unstable.

He’s a bit old for that

💯 this. I am struggling to see how the behaviour is intimidating, annoying for sure but why do you feel intimidated.

It's likely his company may have policies about social media - not sharing anything that can damage their reputation. Mine does. That's the angle I would go down. He will be annoyed but I don't think you can not say anything. Maybe just a subtle have you checked what your company says about what you can post online?

Did you miss the part where there were women in the group too or....?

I don't think you should say anything. At most I would make a passing comment "last night looked like a wild night" and see what his response is but he is an adult. He's also posting on his own private page, you can't police what other people post. If you don't like what you see, mute stories or unfollow.

More than likely it would go in one ear and out the other.

I’ve said to my 20 something son on a couple of occasions to stop being a twat, I’m sure he took no notice. I certainly wouldn’t and didn’t take any notice of my parents protests at that age.

I think it is. Loud anti social behaviour in public, especially on train platforms and in trains, can really affect people (like me). Any behaviour that negatively and selfishly encroaches on others is bad in my books.

He’s clearly neither ‘intelligent’ or ‘a generally lovely guy’. If he were, he’d know he shouldn’t impose his annoying behaviour on other people. This behaviour is only passable from teens and young students.

I can’t stand men who act like this in the street or on public transport. It reeks of the entitlement.

Honestly, the behaviour you describe really isn't that bad.

Have you said anything to him? I’d have no qualms telling my 20 something sons, in no uncertain terms, to quit the bad behaviour.

Or if he applied for another job

Unfollow him and when asked why, tell him that you thought you'd brought him up better than that.

People turn into raging arseholes when there's a phone camera around.

I agree.

It really doesn't sound that bad. Bunch of pearl clutching going on here.

If you don't want to see it, delete him.

If Instagram isn't adding to your life I would delete it or stop following your son. If he asks why then explain that his drunk antics left you feeling annoyed/disappointed etc. Many will say in their late 20s they did far worse. Alcohol didn't excuse your behaviour then and it doesn't excuse the op's son now. Some people have no choice to get the train home late at night. It's the reason my dad picks up my mum from work when she has a late shift because drunks are unpredictable.That being said tour son was acting daft but not violent so context is everything.

At 29 I would be expecting him to have outgrown this behaviour tbh.

It's Instagram so you can leave embarrassing comments 😁 if it's in Stories, do you have a family group chat you could comment in?
'darling, that's not how I raised you'
'if you have more money than sense you can take your mum out for lunch'

Or on a more serious note:
'I don't think that lady behind you is enjoying all that noise'
'gosh I think you really worried that man'

Make his friends/siblings have a giggle with some public shaming. He'll probably only stop posting though, not change his behaviour.

YANBU.

Call him out on it. My parents would. 'Hey son I saw those posts of you out the other night. Did you realise that you were acting like a twat and it was disrespectful to the people around you/on the train etc??' And see what he says. He may get offended or block you from his feed, but at least you've said your peace rather than stewing over it.

It’s interesting how your perspective might change - how something a bit obnoxious but harmless can seem threatening to another generation.

What you describe is the sort of behaviour that looked quite normal walking home from Oxford balls (which were a rare excess).However, we were 18-21 years old then, and had grown out of it long before 29.

Last night, I was travelling through London at kicking-out time with my 10 year old. Our normal tube line was closed, so we had to go through Leicester Square and there was quite a crush - on the higher side than normal, but not alarmingly so. The thing that freaked her out though were the drunk groups of young men who’d obviously watched the rugby and stayed in town to celebrate. I hadn’t really noticed them as it was just “late weekend night background London noise” to me, but she was quite scared.