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AIBU?

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Original poster

Step daughters 18th meal

357 replies

Bitterfromthesweet · 15/11/2025 23:51

My husband spilt from his ex 10 years ago. They have a daughter together. I have been with my husband for 9 years.
She is coming up to her 18th birthday and my husband’s ex suggested the two of them take their daughter out for dinner as they have “raised her to 18”

I didn’t see a problem with the meal but this comment has annoyed me, as I have also been in her life for 9 years. I took her out when she wanted to go when she was younger, picked her up from school, gave her all her meals, tidied her room, done her washing etc.

This has made me feel like a free nanny for 9 years.
Maybe I’m over reacting. I don’t want to go to the meal, it would be weird, but an invite would have been nice.

OP posts:
WonderfulUsername · 16/11/2025 00:06

Moetandchandelier · 16/11/2025 00:03

That is an annoying comment for him to make. So the two people that have given her a split and dysfunctional family get to take her out and pretend they have been wonderful family! Brilliant!

Or two people who divorced but stayed civil enough to treat their daughter to a meal for her 18th birthday, want to do just that.

Why are you making things up like they're going to 'pretend they have been a wonderful family'? 😳

Original poster
Bitterfromthesweet · 16/11/2025 00:05

Moetandchandelier · 16/11/2025 00:03

That is an annoying comment for him to make. So the two people that have given her a split and dysfunctional family get to take her out and pretend they have been wonderful family! Brilliant!

Yeah it just seems strange to be going out the two of them with my step daughter when they both have partners, why not the four of us go out?

OP posts:
Moetandchandelier · 16/11/2025 00:03

That is an annoying comment for him to make. So the two people that have given her a split and dysfunctional family get to take her out and pretend they have been wonderful family! Brilliant!

Original poster
Bitterfromthesweet · 16/11/2025 00:03

WonderfulUsername · 15/11/2025 23:54

I took her out when she wanted to go when she was younger, picked her up from school, gave her all her meals, tidied her room, done her washing etc.

That's not really raising her though, it's doing your husband's job for him.

Do you get on well with her? I mean enough to expect an invitation?

Not really, we don’t get along, so you’re probably right, I shouldn’t be there anyway.

OP posts:
KitchenDancing · 16/11/2025 00:01

I think YABU. You have a place in her life but it’s not as her parent. In your position I would choose not to take the comment personally.

Monmkeymamkymonky · 15/11/2025 23:57

YABU

What's stopping you from suggesting that you and your partner take your step daughter out to celebrate too?

WonderfulUsername · 15/11/2025 23:54

I took her out when she wanted to go when she was younger, picked her up from school, gave her all her meals, tidied her room, done her washing etc.

That's not really raising her though, it's doing your husband's job for him.

Do you get on well with her? I mean enough to expect an invitation?