Would you expect/would your family join in with the Tom foolery?

This is a good example of a reply that’s honest and frank but not completely brutal. See, it can be done!

Maybe. But I was addressing someone having a go at the 6 year old.

Surely it's just as rude for the parents to leave their guests and play hide and seek with a 6 year old

It is the 6 year old’s home. Don’t come to visit if you don’t want to speak to her?

It’s also kind of rude to visit somebody’s house and sit on your phone and not talk to them? I don’t understand why people are bending over backwards to criticise a 6 year old and give a free pass to young adults who should know better? When I was 20 (!) I understand that sometimes in life you have to do things that you’d rather not and be friendly to people when you don’t feel like it.

I can totally see why you're sad.
It's lovely that your 6 year old wanted to make conversation and a shame your family showed no interest in her. Maybe more understandable with her cousins, but definitely a shame about her auntie.
We always try and engage and play with our niece who is 8. Tbh she's quite shy so sometimes it's like pulling teeth and I wish she'd be more like your daughter!
I do feel my niece is kind of the centre of attention during family meetups and sometimes it would be nice to have more adult conversations. But I understand why she is the focus, because we want her to know how loved and important she is to her aunt/uncle. And I hope that when me and my partner have kids, our siblings will also show a lot of interest and engage with their niece/nephew.

I will say that in the future I will make the same effort as others, which amounts to basically nothing.

It's interesting that people making constructive suggestions have been completely ignored.

Wow, is everyone in life that disagrees with you drunk?

I’m not a big fan of excitable little ones but I love seeing my nieces and I’ll always take them a little present and engage with them - it would feel strange to be an aunty and not do that.

I guess you could try and find a middle ground - suggest your DD shows them her room or something she’s done at school and then afterwards explain you’d like her to read or play quietly for a bit. It’s not nice for her if she’s excited to see her extended family though. It’s a shame they won’t engage.

My children are 18 and 20. They’d happily chat to a 6yr old for 20/30min but they’d balk at 6hrs of child friendly games of hide and seek etc and would probably be “busy” next time they were asked to visit.
You seem to be hoping for a close cousin relationship OP but I think the age gap is just too big until they are all adults.

how do you get from that, that i wouldn'T "be kind" (ffs that phrase needs to be retired)

I can and do often engage with children. I quite like them. But when they bounce around and pester? i ignore them and hope they'll go away and come back when they can behave properly.

Families are all different I suppose. OP hasn’t once said that he child was pestering people who had told her no, she said the girl tried to make conversation with her cousins and asked if they wanted to play with her. Clearly some posters really do think children should be seen and not heard but I’ve never been in a family home where a child speaking politely to a family member or asking if they want to eg play a card game with her would be looked on as rude, assuming she didn’t go on and on at them. If people don’t want to they say no thanks and a polite child then finds something else to do. But speaking and asking in itself isn’t rude, How do you teach children to interact at school or work if they’re not permitted to speak at home for goodness sake.

I think people are reading more into this than is there. We’ve all met children who are a pain in the neck, but it’s things like whinging, trying to constantly be the centre of attention, tantrums and yes sulky antisocial behaviour that I’d put in that category.

Talk about snide! My mother is like this towards my children and it has completely killed my relationship with her. Of course you don’t have to be kind to your family, but be prepared for the consequences.

From @Pissingitdownquelsurprise -
non mums who really dislike children and make it very vocal after a sad night on the wine.

lots of drunk people looking to wind up and upset others

You had no reason to make those accusations, not one was coming off as hammered or sad or disliking children. We just accept that over eager 6 years olds who "repeatedly" (your words) ask young adults to play aren't necessarily good company for quiet and reserved 20 year olds.

What I’m finding interesting is, a LOT of people on here have said along the lines of… they’d happily chat to your daughter and play a card game with her or admire her drawings etc, but they wouldn’t fancy her bouncing around or wanting to play hide and seek.

Is there no part of you that can see this POV and think that’s actually fair enough and quite reasonable, or do you genuinely think all of us from the UK were wine drunk last night and despise children?

Not all your visitors are going to center your bouncing child.

I read but didn't even post last night.

I have posted today to say that I disagree with the OP as she's doubled down on her accusations against child hating drunk posters. I don't think that was warranted.

Because it is kind of bratty to keep trying to yap at people who don't want it.

So for you, and presumably OP and her supporters, it is ok to have a room full of adults (let's guess at OP and partner, 2 relatives and the 2 older DC of the relatives who are 18 and 20)

And a 6 year old bouncing around and talking at them and trying to make herself the centre of attention. (later "reason" for this is ADHD)

Is this how people let their children (ADHD or not) behave now? I get they are at home but even so. I wouldn't make a repeat visit to a family like this. If i really wanted to see them, i would suggest meeting up at a pub or café with an outside play area.

It is shit. Rude and entitled.

Yeah, somehow I don't believe that.

The thread is so weird to me I started to wonder if I had missed something in the OP. But no:

Our Dc is 6 and bouncing all over the place talking to everyone, sibling and DN and DN are quiet people, which I get. Dd asking them if they wanted to play or trying to make conversation

That’s all OP said about her DD’s behaviour. How did people get “brat” from that? I honestly don’t understand?

Even if you think OP is wrong why did some of you put the boot in right away? There’s a kind way to tell someone you disagree with them so why do you go on the attack from the beginning? Are you angry people generally? Or is there stuff going on in your own lives and taking it out on an anonymous stranger is therapeutic? Honestly, why? I genuinely would love to know?

Of course, not surprisingly after a page or so of this OP lashed out (wouldn’t have done it myself but I can certainly see why somebody might). Which everybody clearly loved because they can feel justified in piling on even more. But you were piling on before OP ever bit back. Why?

Forcing a guest to perform active play against thier wishes by presenting it as a fait accompli is the height of bad manners and doesn't do the kid any favours either.

What’s the problem with getting people to interact with each other?! Sometimes helping a younger child helps people gain confidence, I’ve seen it with my autistic relative and shy teens too.

obviously you’re not forcing them at gunpoint and can just say no

Actually it's a shit idea.

I see it's been deleted. MNHQ evidently agreed with you.