Would you expect/would your family join in with the Tom foolery?

Ooh there are some perfectly behaved dc in some mumsnetter's houses! Never read so much rubbish as some of the responses here. The wine is out i think.

One minute it’s tomfoolery, bouncing and running, the next it’s just wanting a nice quiet chat that for some unspoken reason (tree climbing possibly) you couldn’t be arsed to facilitate. She kept asking them to play what? Hide and seek one assumes given that that’s what you ended up playing, why on earth didn’t you realise that they didn’t want to be badgered to go out and play and say “I’m just chatting with Alex and Edwin about their holiday plans, why don’t you get your friendship bracelets/dominos/coloured pencils/card game to show everyone because we aren’t playing hide and seek right now” ? Adult guests don’t want tomfoolery, bouncing and running, as a general rule, with 6yo they that they haven’t seen for ages. They signalled they didn’t want to bounce, run and hide by withdrawing attention and you let a 6yo flounder and get upset instead of helping her engage.

I would have too, but not everyone is me.

My DD has ADHD too but I still expect her to amuse herself a good chunk of the time and not be in the face of my guests all the time.

My dc (early 20s) would play with younger cousins in this situation. Totally normal to them to want to engage with them.

I have two children. Polite, well behaved, know not to interrupt, not to try to dominate social situations, not to run around when the adults are talking, to amuse themselves quietly, can pick up on social cues, certainly know that hide and seek isn't an appropriate game when guests are round etc.

You are not doing your DD any favours by not correcting her bad behaviour. She will struggle with friendships and relationships if she always expects to be centred and to get her own way.

I'm thinking back to if I can ever remember a situation like this with my own four children. No I can't because we taught them from an early age what kind of behaviour was OK in different social situations. Way before 6! Your younger visitors sound a bit dull but such is life and you sound as though you are entitling your dd to be the centre of attention. I'm sure you quite rightly adore her but why should everyone else?

Two things.

Young children feel entitled to be the centre of situations.
Young adults are addicted to their phones.

Of course they should make some effort with her. They're lazy bastards.

Op what your describing is toddler behaviour the good thing about 6 year olds is they are usually a lot calmer and can amuse themselves. I think she might of got a different response from everyone if she asked them to colour with her or play a game like a board game as then everyone can still be in the same room and part of the conversation. Expecting people to run around or even worse go outside to play hide and seek in November isn't something many people want to do when visiting.

I can imagine the mumsnet post from the guests about the 6 year old wanting to be center of attention and the parents playing hide and seek!!

Well no wonder they were all on their phones if you were out in the garden playing hide and seek 😀.

I think this is probably six of one and half a dozen of the other. You’re an inept host and they’re inept guests. They’re probably have a good old moan about how dreadful it all was right now, just like you are.

Do something different next time. Maybe meet your sister for lunch and leave all the kids behind.

I found six year olds more interesting when I had a six year old. And played more then. Not so interested now.

I think that's pretty rude when you have guests though - to go off an play hide and seek!
My DS loves to talk but I'm aware not everyone enjoys the kind of conversation a young child does so I warn him beforehand it will be mainly adult conversation and get some activities ready for him.

It’s really great that you find your own and other six years olds so interesting and fun but can you not accept that not everyone does? I have a six year old and adore her, but fucking hell conversation with her can be boring. Playing with my own children didn’t and doesn’t come naturally to me. I’d be horrified and terrified if I turned up to an aunt/cousin or other family member’s house and was expected to play with their six year old.

I have a 6 year old, and I agree with this poster. Constantly interrupting is rude. I’d never expect guests to play physical games with my DC. Colouring in, card/board games etc - better but guests only have to join in if they want to.

Honestly, sounds like your DC is used to attention. ‘Tomfoolery’ sounds intense.

Sometimes it's nice to visit and just have a bit of a quiet break chatting to the person you're visiting.

It does come across as a bit 'behold the wonder that is my child', as a previous poster said, OP.

For a family visit that long I'd be happy to play something mindless and non-physical like snakes and ladders or ludo with you and your child, then have them go amuse themselves a bit while we have adult conversation. Not because I want to play something like that but to be polite and inclusive of your child for a bit. Then that's enough of that.

If you don't want your child called a brat, don't let her act like one.

Expecting people to run round after her playing hide and seek at an adult gathering is brattish behaviour. You need to nip it in the bud. Why couldn't she do some colouring or thread some beads or something?

I'm sure your daughter is perfectly lovely, but you're not teaching her appropriate behaviour. She's not the centre of the universe, nor are her wants more important than other people's. In group situations the wants of the majority outweigh the wants of one individual, clearly your DD needs to learn that.

I’m on the fence.

I can imagine it’s not nice for your family to come and visit and show very little interest in your daughter. It’s a shame that she was chatting to them and asking them to play, and they said no. Bless her, it can’t be nice for you to see that.

But then…hide and seek? Sorry what? That’s just not appropriate for this sort of setting. And just generally “playing games”… at 6 she should be able to sit and chat. Or have a little toy or something with her as she chats. But I’m sure your family didn’t come round to watch you “play games” with you daughter. Even the way you describe her as bouncing around, she sounds a bit much. Family or not, it’s a bit extreme isn’t it? And in your thread title you call it tom foolery… not everyone goes to visit their relatives for tom foolery with a six year old. She needs to learn to stop bouncing around and being in everyone’s faces, and just chill a bit and chat.

Not running and hiding and active games though! I have 3 of my own and I don’t expect family to do that with them.

That's even worse so you, your husband and daughter went to play hide and seek in the garden why you had guests round. No wonder they was on their phones you just left them.