Why do I have to sleep train my baby?!

Great! Be happy with your choice then. Other sources of scientifically backed information are also available, often with less provocative titles or agendas....

As long as you are not neglecting, physically abusing or emotionally abusing your child do what's best for you.

My first slept from 8 - 3 at five weeks and was sleeping 7-7 by 12 weeks and having 2 good naps in the day.

My second did not sleep through at all until she was 3 and not reliably until she was 3 and a half.

We tried literally everything, and yes, we did it consistently. We managed to get her off to sleep, but she would still wake up in the night.

It got to the point that we actually got more sleep if we just gave her a quick five minute feed (BF until she was 2) or a cuddle.

Sleep training works for some kids and parents, and not for others. At least some of the people who are telling you that you must sleep train may very well get a shock with future children.

love your post OP. I had a very sensitive DC1 (still is aged 5) and they needed me so much. I could feel it (dc2 and 3 are different).
I refused to sleep train and they got great at sleeping between 18/24 months.

Maybe they hear you complain about how tired you are?

I don't say that judgily- my second was a terrible sleeper, and I felt broken at points, but I also refused to sleep train - it was inevitable that I would complain of being tired! But people would suggest sleep training.

Sleep training didn’t work for mine😬

Oh that made me sad!! 😢

I always went to mine.

You ask, 'why am I being judged?' As a mother you will ALWAYS be judged for something or another, so you need to develop a thick skin and a good degree of self-confidence in your own parenting decisions. Otherwise, you will be miserable in the years to come when faced with questions of diet, play, screen time, sleepovers, schooling, clothing etc, etc. You must do what you think best for your own child and be happy with that choice.

Gorillas also give birth at around 10 years of age. We are not gorillas.
We call first teeth ‘milk’ teeth because they appear when a baby is still getting its food from milk. Not because we should breastfeed until they fall out 😂

Honestly not trying to be a dick here so hope this isn’t taken in the wrong way. But when you say you didn’t teach your child to walk, what do you mean? I didn’t just watch and wait for my kids to start walking, I showed them how to do it and would def count it as teaching them. This isn’t related to the sleeping thing, whether you can teach your child to sleep is another discussion but I believe we teach our children to walk. But honestly want to hear if some people just do nothing and their kids work it out on their own.

So, me my partner, I’m a fella by the way, we have 1 kid, who is 22now. When she a baby, we heard all the same things like, you need to let them cry their themselves to sleep. Thing is, as a parent you are genetically programmed to react to your child crying as it means they need your attention. Very quickly we d ecided that we couldn’t leave her crying and took her in to our bed. She slept with us until she was 6, at which point she no longer wanted to sleep in our bed.

Nope, said none of that, just responding to your high horse essay about everybody else's poor understanding of statistics and research. And your assertion that good sleepers are only ever born and not made. Clearly touched a nerve though, right.

Sleep trained babies still wake up in the night, they just don't cry because they know that no one will come to comfort them.
The sleepless nights don't last forever.

I think that the best way to avoid this issue is to avoid conversations about sleep.

I am on baby number three. I won’t sleep train, as I haven’t with the others. We co-sleep and it works well for us. Other families may find that doing things totally differently works best for them, which is great.

Close family and friends know that I’m happy to be woken up, and therefore not looking for any sleep solutions. I have learnt to just say sleep is “alright” if anyone asks at a random baby class.

The OP is doing that and her baby still wakes throughout the night though.

I was always absolutely sure that I wouldn’t be sleep training so I didn’t give a monkeys what anyone around me said. Mine woke up every 2 hours without fail, all night every night, until turning 2. And then, just like @Mumof2under4 started sleeping through and that was it. Sleep training is not essential if you don’t want to do it.

You don’t .
Your baby is 11 months . She wants her mummy. I get it’s exhausting but if you don’t want to sleep train don’t.
Both of my small people slept with me until they were 18 months .
What a bloody pleasure it was. You never sleep properly and I get it’s not appealing to many . Those moments were wonderful. Tiny cuddles. They are now 6 and 7 and i would pay to shrink them down and have those beautiful moments again!

I get it OP. People ask if the child is a good sleeper and you say, not really they still wake a lot, and they say “you need to sleep train”. Then you say, nah, not for me, and they start telling you you are harming your child by depriving them of the skills they need for a good nights sleep.

i think it’s bollocks and sleep is not a skill, it’s a biological process. I didn’t teach my 3 year old to sleep any more than I taught him to walk.

we responded to every cry and then around 2 he started mostly sleeping through. Now at 3 he’s going through something and cries for us once each night. We go, reassure, tuck in, and if he wants us to lie with him while he goes back to sleep, we do. This is what feels right to us, and I refuse to believe it is harming him in any way. But when people hear that our 3YO wakes and needs overnight , they immediately say we need to “sort it out” and suggest leaving him to cry. Why???? I haven’t said it’s a problem for us. Sure, I’d like not to have to get up, but it’ll come.

so no one needs to sleep train. Obviously. But I agree that people who did are very invested in telling you that they “needed” to and you “need to” as well. It’s unheard of in many parts of the world which to me is a sign that it’s not a natural and inevitable part of child rearing.

You know your child and what you feel comfortable with ❤️

Of course you do not have to sleep train and maybe they are just offering advice. If you are moaning about getting no sleep then others suggesting things which may have worked for them is not making you do the same. It is just offering a different perspective. If you say things like sleep training is cruel that is also judgemental and very unfair on parents who maybe do not have a partner who will help out as yours does. Lack of sleep is awful for parents and children and sleep training comes in many guises and not just leaving a child to scream for hours on end without any comfort from parents.

Unfortunately over the years breast feeding and sleep seems to be the thing that parents feel most judged over on both sides along with working parents v SAHM. You can either just repeat that you don't want to sleep train and ask them not to mention it or just nod and ignore. No one can make you do anything.

This isn’t really anything to do with sleep training, OP, so you don’t need to go into the argument either way. It’s about people giving you unsolicited advice – pure and simple. And people who do that and who are extra pushy about it are the kind of people to do it on any subject – feeding, nursery, how you spend your money, what school you choose, screen time, etc etc etc etc.

Forget the subject. Stop arguing about it and address the real issue.

Have you met Mumsnet?! This is kinda what it is! A place to chat, discuss, ask opinions and get some reassurance and validation.

if you can’t provide that then why respond??

she’s a tired mum feeling judged, trying to do her best.

You don’t need to sleep train.

I think sleep training is a “thing” that some people like to try or like to say they’ve done

there are perfectly raised kids who have not been sleep trained.

I know people who have spent hundreds on so called experts in sleep training at silly ages so then find in a month it all changes again. As is common with babies!!

just change the subject or lie and say they sleep great!

You seem to be arguing a point I didn’t make. So I won’t bother any more.

Just be happy you got to sleep because you’re a better, more effective mother than us. If you could shut up about it around mums who are struggling though, that would be nice. I don’t go on threads about AFRID and fussy eating and bang on about how mine ate whatever was put in front of her from the second we did it. And that I’m just a brilliant mother who just stuck with it. (For 6 weeks FFS.) That would make me a huge arsehole.

You absolutely don't. The days are long but the years are so, so short. This is just a season in life. Please absolutely go with your gut on this one. Lying down with my 4 year old and cuddling her to sleep is the highlight of the day. I love those snuggles. Right now it feels so hard because you're in the trenches but I promise you it gets so much easier. You're doing great ❤️. P.S. I also have a highly sensitive child and temperament has a big bearing on their sleep/life needs that not everyone understands if they haven't experienced it.