Why do I have to sleep train my baby?!

I sleep trained because I simply could not take any more sleep deprivation. I did it earlier than you. Since then both my girls slept from 7pm-6/7am. Bliss.

People shouldn't be telling you how to raise your child and I'm not going to tell you to sleep train. Its entirely your choice and i wouldnt judge you either way!

But alongside the risks you mention of sleep training, i would just also consider the long term potential risk to the child's mental and physical health of not having good sleep. And to yours! The importance of setting good sleep patterns for life. I was a terrible sleeper as a child and it all came to a head at uni when I needed sleeping tablets to break the cycle.

I’m not sure which of those things you’re worried about (that poster’s experience as a child, or as a mother), but we sleep trained DD and she would always come in if she had a bad dream etc. (She also sleepwalked on occasion, often into our room where she would rabbit some gibberish at us and then we’d put her back to bed and she’d fall back asleep.)

Stop thinking that sleep training means ignoring your child from 7am to 7pm. It doesn’t!

Once again the first post nails it.

I’m hoping your thread wasn’t intended as a passive aggressive dig at those who do choose to sleep train. Please don’t assume you’re a superior parent because you can cope with chronic sleep deprivation while others can’t.

I (gently) sleep trained my DD when she was around 8 months because I was no longer able to function on the amount of sleep I was getting. I recall fantasising about stepping into traffic and getting hit by a car so I could go to hospital, as at least I’d be able to sleep there. I honestly think I would have harmed myself, or, god forbid, DD if we hadn’t done something. I was referred to the local mental health team with suspected PND, which disappeared as soon as I stated getting a decent amount of sleep - turned out it wasn’t PND, it was the sleep deprivation. Gentle sleep training was the best decision I made both for myself and DD, as it enable me to bond with and parent her properly.

Also, the ‘they just stop crying because they’ve learned you won’t come’ thing is a myth. DD is 10 now and has always still called out if she needs me in the night.

Totally agree. It's all a bit goady tbh (you do know your baby will be brain damaged if you sleep train?) and I don't see why it's anybody else's business except op and op's oh. I don't believe people keep telling her she's in the wrong - she comes over as not only knowing what's best for her baby (quite rightly) but what's wrong for everyone else's - you'd only mention it to her once to wish you'd zipped it.

OP, what you're doing suits your little family and works perfectly for you. Perhaps avoid mentioning sleep to those who do it differently?

I assume you meant newborns? If so not relevant here as the OP s baby is nearly a year okd

Ooh, goody, one of these ones!

Please please oh wise @Houseshmouse explain why my sleep trained son started sleeping through the night four days after sleep training, but will still cry out if he is ill/teething/has a nightmare?

It's ever so confusing because I've been assured by delightful people like you that he's silently weeping at these times?

Please help, oh wise one! I don't understand!

It’s completely your choice op and if you are coping then that’s great.
We did gradual retreat sleep training at 9 months because I was solely responsible for my DD overnight 80% of the time and felt like I was slowly going insane through sleep deprivation. I didn’t really want to do it and hated hearing my daughter cry but her sleep improved so much, we were all much happier. I was a much happier and better mum during the day.

I didn’t sleep train. I completely had the same views as you and prioritised responsiveness to my child out of concern for their long term welfare. I was a terrible sleeper as a child and remember multiple nights laying in bed miserable because I had to stay in there when I’d had a bad dream etc…

I now have primary aged DCs who get up and need me multiple times a night. I haven’t had a full nights sleep in 8 years. I am exhausted.

I wish I had done something a bit more.. not necessarily sleep training from young, but found some sort of happy medium.

although tbh anyone who is judgy about parenting choices done in best interests is a dick, sleep training or not.

Put to bed at the roughly same time every night, story, cuddle, gradually less over time.

I only “showed” him in the sense that he saw me and everyone else walking, I didn’t specifically show him anything and most definitely didn’t teach him. A child developing normally will learn to walk given the right opportunities with no teaching needed.

do you consider that you taught them to crawl? If not why not?

Op if sleep training is not for you just crack on. Cannot see the point of your thread TBH .

So many are obsessed with getting their NB's to sleep theough the night when there are many factors to consider and parenting is not one of them. When a baby sleeps for 5 hours straight it is considered sleeping through the night.
Babies grow and develop rapidly and require frequent feedings which contributes to lighter sleep and waking. They must be fed on demand without "tricks" like semi-solids in their milk or formula to encourage longer sleeps. Their circadian rhythms take several months to develop as well, so they are not affected by light/dark the way adults are. Routines are calming, but babies don't just learn that "now is sleep time." They will sleep better once their weight is approx double birth weight, though.
It is much easier to follow baby's cues and adjust ourselves which is why the "sleep when baby sleeps" advice still holds. Trying to teach baby is mostly futile because they will sleep through when they are ready. The range is 4-6 months to sleep 5+ hours straight and that can't be taught or forced.

I mean, everything in the literature (as in, what decent studies there are, not books peddled by n=1 salesmen) backs up @MrsTerryPratchett . You seem desperate to cling to your belief that your child's sleep is somehow your achievement...it's projecting a certain fragility.

My two were sleep trained, a mix of controlled crying and gradual retreat. It took 3 days until they were sleeping through. They're 11 and 7 now: neither of them remember it, both of them sleep like logs, we never EVER have battles at bedtime (not smug about it, but it's true), both know they can call us if they have a nightmare, can't find their teddy or drink, feel unwell, etc etc.

Co sleeping is always touted as the fix for poor sleep but it didn't work for us - they both thrashed and screamed just as much as they did in the cot, and nobody slept. They wanted rocking, and they wanted me to do it, and they wanted me to do it in a way that nearly broke my back. In the end they didn't want the rocking either, and would fight and fight and fight until eventually they couldn't stay awake a second longer. DS (DC2) used to headbutt me, pull out clumps of my hair, writhe around in my lap so much I genuinely thought I was going to drop him. It had to stop, for all our sakes.

I nearly crashed my car more than once. Nearly lost my goddamn mind because they'd sleep for 45mins, need rocking/holding for 20mins and then I'd get a total of 25mins before they'd wake up again. I was beside myself with DD until we did CC at 14mo. When DS was 9mo I could feel it happening again, PLUS he was waking DD, so we did it with him and it changed everything. They were happier, I was happier, DH was happier (and didn't have his wife sobbing in his arms every night becuase she couldn't cope any more).

Sleep training saved my life. Of course you don't have to do it. But I wouldn't be here if we hadn't.

You don’t HAVE to. I didn’t. Mine (9) sleeps perfectly well, and I never “trained” her. I thought the concept was ridiculous. They sleep well when they’re ready; I knew I wouldn’t be staying with her whilst she fell asleep at 18 🤣

As a result, she’s a very secure, confident sleeper who has NO fear of the dark. Amazing. And no stress for either of us.

I didn't teach my baby to walk. She saw me walking a lot (obviously) but the steps she took to start walking were not things I could have taught, because I wouldn't have known how/that she seemingly needed to do certain things, if that makes sense?

The progression went something like:
Rocking on knees
Pulling to stand
A kind of warrior pose
Deep squats
Downward facing dog
Plank
Forward fold
Warrior but moving, kind of a crab walk
Etc. Etc.

She had to test and work things out for herself.

You should also look up the impact of chronic sleep deprivation on brain development and on adults for a balanced view of the harms. But other than that, if you stop talking to people about it they might stop telling you.

I didn’t sleep train my kids. They slept eventually op. Crack on. You’re doing fine - maybe just stop discussing it?
x

My 2 babies slept terribly. We never sleep trained but from the age of 2 they stopped napping and slept through.

I get really confused by these posts, if you’re happy being woken up by your baby throughout the night and you have the time, energy and patience to function on broken sleep then keep doing what you’re doing.

If you want to a baby who sleeps well then go with a routine, putting a baby in a quiet room and allowing them a few mins to settle themselves 🤷‍♀️

My dd is like me, we both need a quiet, dark, comfortable space to sleep and co-sleeping would have been more stressful than being left alone to settle.

Yet another Mumsnet post with posters wringing their hands about these poor babies left to cry alone in the dark.

Let me say it for the gazillionth time :
sleep 👏🏻 training 👏🏻 isn’t 👏🏻 leaving 👏🏻 your 👏🏻 baby 👏🏻 to 👏🏻 cry 👏🏻

I did a version of the gradual retreat with both my children. Neither were ever left alone to cry or not comforted in some way. We just gradually moved what that comfort was.

Boys now 3 and 5 and have slept through (other than nightmares/illness) very happily since. They have a calm bedtime routine and after book, get into beds and listen to a story as they drift off. I wish my own sleep hygiene was this healthy!!

Honestly OP your posted started judgy but then did the massive drip feed of explaining why you don’t mind broken sleep-as you are financially well off enough to have an extended maternity leave for 2 years

So you are in a massively privileged position preaching to those who have to work and try and find sleep with a / several young children….

I did sleep training with my first child, now mid 20s and still terribly anxious. I didn’t with my 3 other kids because I thought the anxiety was related to the sleep training and they are far far happier people.

Who knows if the anxiety is linked to sleep training but I’m SO glad I didn’t risk it with the other two. It just seems cruel and wrong. do what you think is best OP