Why do I have to sleep train my baby?!

Like I said, I’m not sure why it wouldn’t work for more than one child and if I have another I won’t do anything differently. Sure, it would probably take some coordinating but anything does when you have two children as I’ve never met two siblings that do everything simultaneously.

Why do you think it’s a bad habit to get into? What do you think might happen because I still lie in bed with my 4 year old?

Yes, as I’ve said — anyone who puts her to bed lies with her for a few minutes and she goes right to sleep. No one has found this difficult. It literally takes less than 10 minutes.

I didn't say in 15 mins. But not all kids settled that fast I don't actually care what you do

Sleep training isn’t always cry it out. It can be helping your baby learn they are safe in their environment and letting them figure out how to fall asleep. For example, you may wait 5 minutes while they grumble but then fall asleep, but would go in if it escalated to them crying. It’s not always a bad thing. If you reinforce that not being asleep yet means they need to be immediately soothed, then they will inevitably need that to sleep. It’s entirely your choice and it sounds like you’ve made it with plenty of research, but we also need to stop shaming mums who sleep train. Cry it out is something entirely different to sleep training imo.

It works for you to lie with your 4 year old (so not a baby) only child. Until they sleep.

Wouldn’t work quite as well with multiple children.

I don’t think everyone needs to sleep
train. All babies are different. I did sleep training for 3 days with my eldest. Youngest I didn’t need to.

I don’t think lying with school aged children until they go to sleep is a good habit to get in to.

It only works for you because you have one child. What happens when you go out? Do you get a babysitter to lie with your child until they sleep?

I’d be massively impressed if you can do all this in the time it takes my child to fall asleep. If you can, please forget trying to convince me I should have sleep trained and teach me your ways….

…it is a lovely way to spend (10 minutes of) my evening. I literally said it’s often my favourite bit of the day. Do you think I’m lying?

You said you sleep trained and you’re glad you did, that’s fine. I’m saying I didn’t sleep train, and I’m glad I didn’t.

Everyone can do what works for them. I don’t feel the need to make up anti-sleep training information to justify what I’ve done, it’s working perfectly for me. I just want new mums who might be reading this to know it’s absolutely fine not to ST and will not mean your child doesn’t sleep when they get older. There’s absolutely no research evidence that suggests this is the case and it’s absolutely not been my own experience.

Leave DS be, he’ll sleep when he sleeps. Leaving him to cry will just train him to not rely on you.

Dolly Alderton said something recently about her parents always lying with her while she went to sleep as a child and how this left her with huge sleep association problems as an adult and she wishes they hadn’t done it. So there are different perspectives.

Don't i know it. I had one that didn't sleep through the night until she was 4

the point is sleep training doesn’t guarantee anything either! Look at all the people saying they sleep trained and it didn’t work, or when sleep training “works” until they are toddlers and then it all goes to shit etc.

I think if you’re complaining about lack of sleep then you can’t be annoyed with people for making suggestions based on what worked for them.

for what it’s worth, the family I know who had a bad sleeper and didn’t sleep train still have a bad sleeper 4 years on and it’s brutal. They actually attempted sleep training when she was 3 but it’s so so much harder once they can climb out of bed and leave their room etc. So if I knew you, I’d be encouraging you to do it now before it gets too late (although tbh I think you’ve already left it later than ideal).

if you don’t want suggestions or advice then stop mentioning it to people!

I tried sleep training with my oldest child (now 23). It didn’t work. Or rather, my will broke before his did. I stuck it for 2 weeks with no improvement - he could scream his head off for hours. I didn’t bother with the next 2 (too tired already), though I did do ridiculous things like lie on the floor by the cot holding their hands while they went back to sleep, and usually fell asleep on the floor myself.

Oldest is now a very well adjusted young man in a stable relationship, so I wouldn’t get too hung up on cortisol levels. Your child will have far more stressful things to deal with in life.

IF it works that quickly. Doesn't always. And multiply it by number of kids

15 mins of downtime while a child goes to sleep does not prevent any of that.

What if you’re at work? Not everyone will have the luxury or time to lie with each child whilst they go to sleep. What are the other kids doing whilst you lie with the first?

It’s not very practical for more than one child. I can get that it’s a nice thing to do. But what about when you can’t do it? Would they still sleep? Or are they reliant on you lying there…

In the meantime parents are tired, need to cook themselves dinner, maybe actually have a chance to chat to each other, sort laundry out, prepare stuff for next day etc...@

Yes if it’s a choice. But if you’re home alone and trying to get 3 kids to sleep. Might not be the best plan.

Or if you need to go out and you want someone else to lie with all your kids whilst they get to sleep. But if that’s genuinely how you want to spend your evening and don’t mind that’s what will need to happen every evening go for it.

I love that you are being sarcastic but actually lying beside the little people you love while they go to sleep feeling safe and loved is actually a lovely way to spend an evening ?!

I’ve never told anyone to do it but we did it at about 13/14 months. I was so sad, felt so sorry for my baby as they cried for 2 nights for an hour or so on and off. BUT they soon started to sleep through and go to sleep easily and I’m so glad we did it. Sleeping well is a massive gift to them and you. The tales of parents with 9 year olds who won’t go to sleep are so alien to me because both of mine sleep so well.

Sounds great! Lovely way to spend an evening….

It’s relevant to the fact that absolutely none of the outcomes regarding her sleep deprivation have panned out. I appreciate the logistics of managing multiple children are a factor but it’s unrelated to the initial claims that children never learn to sleep properly and become sleep deprived.

Anyway, I imagine if I had two my husband and I would tag team, or the children would go to bed at different times and I’d do one and then the other, or we’d all lie in bed and they’d fall asleep together, or I’d work it out some other way. From what I gather when people have multiple children their needs and schedules often don’t line up and you just need to work around it. This would be no different.

I’m waiting for someone to come and tell me she’ll need me to fall asleep with her when she’s 18 so won’t be able to go off to uni or go live with a partner 😂. Always one!

Yes with one child…wouldn’t really work with two. So yes it’s not very relevant.

It’s not a rod for my own back, literally anyone who I trust to put her to bed can lie with her and it’s fine.

Anyway, this is a massive sidetrack as the point is she’s not at all sleep deprived and her sleep still works fine for us as a family, in spite of all the fear-mongering above about how not sleep training will lead to children that never sleep and are exhausted all day at school nursery.

Yanbu it’s not their business

I tried to sleep train mine, it worked with one it didn’t with the other and I didn’t sleep properly for five years in total.

they sort themselves out eventually, but you should be prepared for the long haul

are you going back to work soon?