Husband ignoring “homework” from therapist

Everyone has different love languages - what’s his?

What does he feel about how he shows you appreciation? What does he do that he thinks shows his appreciation. Does he want biscuits and heart shaped Mugs?

Is he the PM or President of a country? Because I’m sure even they have time to speak to their partner once a day. Does he eat lunch? Can he not send a text at that point?

Why should he be expected to show he is thinking about you during his work day? If he has a busy and demanding job, he may well not give you a second thought during the day, and that is fine. I have a busy job and don't think about my husband during the day, although I love him very much.

If you do manage to pressure him into sending texts during the day saying how much he wuvs you, it will be pointless and artificial anyway.

He should be affectionate at the times you are together outside of work hours of course, but that's a different matter.

It might be worth exploring with the therapist what your respective love languages are as these can be very different. You leave him notes but those might not resonate with him if his love language is for example physical affection so there’s a mismatch.

The first step is understanding each other and recognising a loving gesture in their language. Being able to reciprocate in the other person’s love language is comes quite a bit further down the line

www.blinkist.com/magazine/posts/how-to-speak-5-love-languages?utm_source=gsn&utm_medium=paid&utm_campaign=23202210873&utm_content=&utm_term=___m__Cj0KCQiA5uDIBhDAARIsAOxj0CFUVcZ6HwxYnVJ84uaT0zH8EN11f1A7XuqY4qnjQJWVd1D6mNwVYgQaAlA9EALw_wcB&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=23211638815&gbraid=0AAAAADSZRikn0tdRq9bzN-EhkYt3pVIRN&gclid=Cj0KCQiA5uDIBhDAARIsAOxj0CFUVcZ6HwxYnVJ84uaT0zH8EN11f1A7XuqY4qnjQJWVd1D6mNwVYgQaAlA9EALw_wcB

Just think about what you need/want from him as a husband.Do you feel needed,loved,desired, cared for?
Try to work it out for a bit longer,with the therapist and if he doesn't change towards you, then you may have to consider that you do not have the marriage you need and expected with him.
I hope he can begin to show you that he loves you still.

Him not acting is a response.

It may not be deliberate- perhaps this is just the way he is.

Something for you to sit with and consider as you explore next steps. Maybe you aren’t as compatible as you thought when you got married?

He could write a note to show he’s bloody grateful, for a start. In my experience, when people say they have ‘no time’ and don’t acknowledge what you do for them, it usually means they can’t be bothered and don’t care too much.

It doesn’t sound like much of a relationship with him working all hours and seemingly not engaging.

Sorry. I hope things get better (with or without him) x

He’s not thinking about you that’s why he doesn’t text. Selfish men don’t change

Why are you 'appreciating' him with things that are important to you at midnight? Maybe appreciate the fact that he doesn't wake you up?

Or forget the small attempts at connection and greet him by swinging naked from the chandelier when he gets in?

Sorry but you sound either very young or very needy, or possibly both.

You will get plenty of people jumping in to say leaving little notes is ridiculous and that he probably shows love in other ways.

We might all show love in different ways, but if you love someone, if they told you they dont feel loved, and you essentially say 'but I do xxx to show my love, thats how I do it, i dont want to change what i do so just deal with it' then you clearly dont actually give a fuck if they feel loved or not.
Some people cant see that they need to meet halfway, and see it as a 'your way vs my way' thing. Compromise is possible.

Did husband agree he wanted to start leaving notes etc specifically? Has he talked about how he feels he shows love?