Husband ignoring “homework” from therapist

So he is doing things to show he cares for you then but they are different to your expectations. What are his expectations from you?

Frankly, you either accept it or you leave.

Therapy isn't a magic cure. He has to want to make the effort to change. It appears he doesn't want to change himself to suit you.

That suggests you are incompatible.

Perhaps it's time to part ways and find a new life for one another.

So his top priority is his business, he won’t change his hours, you’re unhappy with that and that he doesn’t contact you, reciprocate or acknowledge gestures. You seem incompatible and you’re unhappy.

are you prepared to end the relationship?

I’d not want that either, especially if I wanted DC.

whatever you decide, would stop with the mushy / thoughtful gestures - he’s not appreciating them.

You need to leave then. Do you work?

Does he want to be in therapy?

You realise that you sending notes and biscuits is for your benefit not his? I doubt that he particularly enjoys them and then he is expected to reciprocate.

my marriage was like this. He was emotionally avoidant. Fast forward 27 years we’re now getting divorced. It will take hard work but I strongly advise you nip this in the bud and fix
it now. Good luck. X

You’re unfortunately not compatible with this man then.
he’s married to his work.

He doesnt care enough op. Thats the simple truth

He isn't worried about losing you or how you are feeling.

I couldn't be with someone who had to be given basic instructions by a therapist on being a loving partner

You deserve better I would walk away and you can see if he cares enough to really change then

He will understand the language of consequences well enough.

He currently doesnt respect all the warnings and begging for attention.

Why did you marry him knowing that this was an issue long before?

Agreed with this.

If dh wanted me to text during the day as well, I would feel really awkward. I wouldn't know what to write, and would feel he'd think that I'd written it because I was expected to, rather than what I wanted. It would make me much less likely to feel loving, because it would be a chore.

It seems odd that the therapist is pushing your language of love, rather than exploring different ways - and maybe helping you see that some of the things he does is his language of love and you need to meet him there.
My dad's language of love when we were younger was to work hard. He'd been brought up in extreme poverty and wanted us to have all the opportunities he couldn't. He'd work until after bedtime most days and Saturday mornings too, so we could afford not just the basics, but a little bit more. The rest of the weekend he was doing things round the house.
That was his way of showing love.
He's nearly 80yo now, and still the way he shows love is by making something we need.

It sounds like you both need to understand each other more, rather than he needs to do what you want.
He is maybe showing love in his way and you equally well aren't appreciating it and he feels you aren't loving him.

And tbh if I got in at midnight, I'd be thinking "relaxing bath then bed" not be brought a drink and treat. I'd be nice about it, but it would become a bit of a chore. I need some time alone and sleep if I've had a long day at work. And I suspect if I bought dh coffee in a heart shaped mug, he'd only notice if it was awkward to drink out of 🤣

It's not needy to want an emotional connection with your husband btw, it's normal.

Sounds like he just can't be bothered.
Or his work is so important to him that he doesn't have space in his life for a relationship.

If you are already housemates when you should still be in the honeymoon phase then that doesn't bode well for the future if you have children.

I'm wondering that too. I'm also interested in whose idea the therapy was, and whether he wants to be there. Did the therapist ask you both that?

Have you explored what your respective love languages are? Does he truly understand the importance of these little connections for you?

Given that he is making it clear he won’t change and become the husband you want, what are you going to do?

Because trying to force him to make you feel cherished won’t work.

I wouldn’t be sending a text from work either sorry OP. For some people work is work and completely separate from home.

DH and me only contact one another at work of it’s an emergency and that suits us both.

So I personally I can see why he’s not doing that particular task, and it could feel like a task in his already busy day.

The question is though, what does he suggest instead?

Is he engaged in the therapy and listening when when say you feel unseen and unloved? Has he acknowledged how you feel and changed in any way?

I often wonder how the hell people connect in the first place, if there's just nothing there!? He doesn't care, by the sound of it. Cut your losses and find someone who will give you what you need!

What did he used to do to show affection?

You're not wrong for wanting this.
But this is a very recent demand of men- that they are romantic and meet all their partners needs.
If you had children, hobbies, and friends, you might not be so needy.
No one here can tell you if you have a good relationship because you're talking of notes and texts and biscuits it sounds silly.
Do you have a good relationship underneath this issue?
What's the rest of your life like?

This my ex never did.

My current husband. My god the man is wonderful. He gets up and sorts the dogs and brings me a cup of tea after kissing me gently.
One of us gets my son up (12) and I head to work. Text telling me he loves me and our son is at school etc

Come home and he has picked our son up and usually done homework, he will have made tea, cleaned the microwave and runs me a bath etc and chocolate bar in fridge etc

He’s not perfect I went to make coffee and it was full of mould the coffee machine but he was mortified as he forgot to clean it last weekend after he made himself a coffee. But he is a joy and yes he tells me daily how much he loves me. I’m having a major shitty time at work and he is just there. Yours doesn’t care. Find someone who does.