To think my friend was racist, rude or both?

in whichever dreary bit of middle England you inhabit.

LOL at the snobbery of that.

I’m similar to you, as I’m half Czech. I’m glad I gave up my maiden name, which is obviously Eastern European. My married name is traditionally English so no one knows my ethnicity until I choose to mention it! (This wouldn’t be possible if I wasn’t white, obviously.)

My DSis has been more open about it and has been told that she’s ‘lucky’ to be able to live here.

But racism exists everywhere and I have not denied it. Do acquaintances really start conversations like this. I tend to avoid discussing politics and religion. Life is easier that way.

In the context of what the OP’s friend said, this is not the point.

The friend was saying that the OP will ‘be ok’ not because of her nationality (British) but because even though, in the friend's view, the OP is some form of forrin or second generation immigrant she will be ‘ok’ because she has, in the friend's view, a properly British (white / not Jewish / no ME heritage) DH.

Racist, rude and thick.

So your defence of Reform policies sounds disingenuous.

As I said further up the thread, there seem to be a bunch of people that take it in turns to ensure that doubt is cast on the validity of each and every post on MN which mentions racism.

In my experience more and more people I thought weren’t racist are dropping racism into conversation. This country is lurching right and some people are cheering it on.

It is the repeated refusal to believe that anyone could actually experience racism that I find tedious.

It's funny because all these people tend to insist that they do believe that racism exists. They just don't ever seem willing to accept that anyone is ever actually on the receiving end of it.

The open expression of racism is far more common than it ever used to be, so it's hardly surprising that people are hearing it from their friends and acquaintances for the first time. I don't believe that people are actually more racist than they used to be, but things which people would have been ashamed to express previously are now bandied about quite freely.

Rota? What are you on about? I’m complaining about a particular type of faux naive OP. I could be wrong of course. It’s been known to happen. 🤣

Many OPs are written in this style. A friend suddenly exposes themselves as racist/a Trump supporter/Reform voter. Insert unacceptable label as desired. It gets tiresome.

Oh, are you on the rota as well today? Didn't realise that there needed to be more than one racism denier on every thread.

Grooming gangs are NOT a religious custom.

so this type of conversation could happen then? If racists exist (and have been emboldened by Farage and co)?

Mumsnetters are forever having these conversations with their‘friends’. They sound more like Blackadder’s Witchfinder Pursuivant. Of course racism and racists exist.

Couched in the coy, twee circumlocution of "a certain religion" which no doubt you think passes for being "clever" in whichever dreary bit of middle England you inhabit. All it does is indicate that you know very little about Islam, very little about the subject of grooming gangs and that you are not motivated by concern about the protection of vulnerable girls (or boys) in our communities.

Your friend has confirmed that she (as no doubt many other reform voters will) sees you as "other".
There is absolutely nothing to indicate you would be "fine" if Reforn ever got into power.

First they came for the communists...

Another tedious, parochial bore who isn't brave enough to openly state that they're Islamophobic and/or racist. You have freedom of speech - have the balls to be open about what you really think for once.

I have! didn't you read my original post?

Oh goody. Another tedious, parochial bore who isn't brave enough to openly state that they're Islamophobic and/or racist. You have freedom of speech - have the balls to be open about what you really think for once.

Alongside fears of being seen as racist, a large factor in grooming gangs (you raised the subject) not being tackled two decades ago is that the police - majority white - and large numbers of the workers in involved agencies dismissed the girls coming forward to make reports as "slappers", "troublemakers", "prostitutes", "criminals", and didn't bother, for far too long, to take the reports seriously or follow them up. In their eyes, there was no need; what did the girls "expect" for daring to come from difficult backgrounds, or for not attending school, or for drinking alcohol underage...Strangely, the SaVeArEKIdZ contigent seem to overlook this. But it stemmed from a belief about which type of girls, and women, are not worth treating well, which has fk all to do with any religion. And it's a belief a (large) part of the SaVeArKIdZ contingent also hold. Because they're not aerated by the murders of av. two women a week in the UK by their partners/ex-partners. Or the shockingly low level of prosecutions of rapes committed by British "Christian" men against British women. These indicate an awful lot about how British men view, and treat, women today but srangely enough, Farage and his fellow-travellers don't ever talk about this.

And here we have another example. Nobody can ever possibly have said a racist thing. Do you really think there are no racists? And if there are, none of them support Reform? Or if they do, they keep their opinions to themselves?

That was a scandal, yes. But there are many, many white grooming gangs too it’s not a ‘religious custom’ ffs
Look at how women are treated in any country if the world where any religion gets a hold. Look at the southern US states where fundamentalist Christian’s have got a hold. Religion is no friend to women. Any religion.

The OP was born here as a citizen? It’s her ancestors who are from other countries. Not the same thing at all.

grooming gangs for example, hidden and allowed for years because to question it was deemed to be 'racist' . Look at how women are treated in any country in the world that is governed by a certain religion to see the lot of a woman.
I said we have to be careful about letting them get hold..

What are you dribbling on about?

Freedoms? Have you clocked our rape conviction rates? The free speech arrests being made of women speaking about genocide or climate change? The wage disparities? Women at the BBC being sacked as they get old? Seriously I think you've fallen for Islamophobia

Others unlike the OP will not be 'ok' and the friend is fine with that, indeed voting for Reform on that basis. Also, the whole conversation indicates the friend spent quite a bit of time calculating if the OP is indeed going to be 'ok'.

I see your point if not for the Reform voting friend, people in international friend groups like mine will often calculate their likelihood of various issues with immigration, racism, political trends and tend to speak more openly about these things, but my friends in these groups all hate Reform and that's the difference. My friends are also highly educated and often hold dual citizenship so have places to go and options, not everyone is going to be 'ok' in that type of world the Op's friend is so keen to create.