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To think my friend was racist, rude or both?

363 replies

RicottaOtter · 15/11/2025 10:40

I was talking to a friend this morning. This friend is very concerned about excessive immigration to the UK, and plans to vote reform at the next general election because she believes only reform have the guts to tackle the problem properly. I was listening and not saying anything when this friend suddenly said, ‘Don’t worry - you’ll be okay, because of your husband, and you’re a mother to English children…’

I was gobsmacked at first - then realised she was talking about my ethnicity (one quarter English/one quarter white South African but originally English/half East European Jewish). I’ve lived in England my entire life and as far as I’m concerned I’m as English as this friend who was talking to me - whatever my ancestry might be.

Now, remember, this friend was (I think?) trying to be nice and reassuring (‘Don’t worry, you’ll* be okay’) - but I felt quite horrified and angry to have this said to me - am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
JHound · 17/11/2025 10:46

Emmz1510 · 16/11/2025 17:55

Fox hunting is a deal breaker for you but racism isn’t? Interesting.

I have noticed there are a number of people who value animals more than humans.

JHound · 17/11/2025 10:43

Scottsy200 · 16/11/2025 22:38

To be honest with you she was probably just being reassuring, I’ve seen lots of misinformed people who are 2nd generation or that are here legally and have gone through all the processes and contribute to the country, work and pay their taxes who have integrated and truly class this as their own country thinking that Reform is going to kick them out of the country which is madness.

I’m with her, I’m voting Reform at the next election and I don’t care what anyone thinks of me anymore - I’m not a racist but I want my country back.

Absolutely broke my heart to see that veteran on the tv the other day saying that all the sacrifice wasn’t worth it and this country isn’t the country he and many others fought and died for.

We need some one to get these illegals out of our country it’s taking the piss now, the derives are being stretched enough and they are being given priority. I’m sick of being treated like a second class citizen in my own country.

me and my children were made homeless due to a relationship breakdown and we have been in unsuitable temporary housing waiting for our forever home for nearly 3 years and when we were in a crackden of a hotel for 6 weeks we didn’t get 3 meals a day, we didn’t even have cooking facilities so if that doesn’t anger you then you are in wrong country.

Starmer is a useless oxygen filled flesh bag and we need him out

Why is it madness to believe this. Reform has shifted from talking about illegal immigrants to those with permanent leave to remain.

We have heard the “send them back / deport them” comments whenever a black and brown Briton does something negative (and “negative” has a very broad definition - Laurence Fox recently called for Zarah Sultana to “be sent back where she comes from” and she is from Birmingham) and we already have a legal precedence for a born and bred Briton of foreign ancestry being stripped of their citizenship and left stateless.

The current rhetoric absolutely will leave a lot of “2nd generations” fearful that when so many on protests call for “remigration now” they are not just talking about illegal immigrants.

JHound · 17/11/2025 10:37

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Some don’t want that. They want to keep ILR.

JHound · 17/11/2025 10:36

pusspuss9 · 17/11/2025 09:58

Do any other countries in the world have an ILR status ?

If you look it up it allows for a host of advantages if you have it. Just wondering if other countries have a similar scheme?

I think most do.

In Oz it is “PR” which has almost the same rights as citizenship.

Holluschickie · 17/11/2025 10:19

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Why should they when ILR was fully legal? Are you arguing that legal residence can be made illegal any time?

Supercooper11 · 17/11/2025 10:18

SuffolkSun · 17/11/2025 02:46

Oh look, a racist troll.

Where’s the racist bit? Expecting your country to put its own citizens first and wanting illegal undocumented migrants removed is not racist. The country is in crisis. Every service is overwhelmed and it’s due to the fact that too many are taking from the system and not contributing anything to it.

Holluschickie · 17/11/2025 10:18

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Which are only available to those earning a suggested £ 60 k a year. So if you have been here 20 years, retain your original citizenship because many countries do not allow dual citizenship, paid into tax and NI, have a British spouse and children, but don't earn enough or fall ill, you can still be turfed out.

IFoundThem · 17/11/2025 10:15

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IFoundThem · 17/11/2025 10:09

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Holluschickie · 17/11/2025 10:05

Supercooper11 · 17/11/2025 10:01

They are only considering extending the time it takes to apply. The change would allow those who contribute more to the country to apply early which encourages those wanting to live here permanently.

You are incorrect. Zia Yusuf has even announced they may abolish ILR retrospectively. It will destroy the lives of many who have worked and contrubuted tax for years.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/reform-uk-ilr-immigration-policy-nigel-farage-b2831087.html

How Farage’s plan for legal migration could put thousands at risk of deportation

Farage says the plan would save over £200bn – but the figures have been called into question

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/reform-uk-ilr-immigration-policy-nigel-farage-b2831087.html

Supercooper11 · 17/11/2025 10:01

Holluschickie · 17/11/2025 09:39

Rubbish. Farage has pledged to abolish ILR. Which is legal immigration.

They are only considering extending the time it takes to apply. The change would allow those who contribute more to the country to apply early which encourages those wanting to live here permanently.

Ihatetomatoes · 17/11/2025 10:00

BillieWiper · 15/11/2025 10:42

Yeah she's an idiot and a massive racist and anti-Semite. You're friends with this individual because...?

This.

Dump the 'friend'

Holluschickie · 17/11/2025 09:58

pusspuss9 · 17/11/2025 09:58

Do any other countries in the world have an ILR status ?

If you look it up it allows for a host of advantages if you have it. Just wondering if other countries have a similar scheme?

Yes.

pusspuss9 · 17/11/2025 09:58

Holluschickie · 17/11/2025 09:39

Rubbish. Farage has pledged to abolish ILR. Which is legal immigration.

Do any other countries in the world have an ILR status ?

If you look it up it allows for a host of advantages if you have it. Just wondering if other countries have a similar scheme?

Holluschickie · 17/11/2025 09:39

Supercooper11 · 17/11/2025 09:38

Reform are not against immigration. They want illegal immigrants deported and to stop more coming in. If you come to the country the correct way and contribute to society once here then there’s nothing to worry about. They want foreign criminals deported and the right to remove dual citizenship from those who break our laws. Live here, contribute and follow our laws or leave.

Rubbish. Farage has pledged to abolish ILR. Which is legal immigration.

Supercooper11 · 17/11/2025 09:38

RicottaOtter · 15/11/2025 10:40

I was talking to a friend this morning. This friend is very concerned about excessive immigration to the UK, and plans to vote reform at the next general election because she believes only reform have the guts to tackle the problem properly. I was listening and not saying anything when this friend suddenly said, ‘Don’t worry - you’ll be okay, because of your husband, and you’re a mother to English children…’

I was gobsmacked at first - then realised she was talking about my ethnicity (one quarter English/one quarter white South African but originally English/half East European Jewish). I’ve lived in England my entire life and as far as I’m concerned I’m as English as this friend who was talking to me - whatever my ancestry might be.

Now, remember, this friend was (I think?) trying to be nice and reassuring (‘Don’t worry, you’ll* be okay’) - but I felt quite horrified and angry to have this said to me - am I being unreasonable?

Reform are not against immigration. They want illegal immigrants deported and to stop more coming in. If you come to the country the correct way and contribute to society once here then there’s nothing to worry about. They want foreign criminals deported and the right to remove dual citizenship from those who break our laws. Live here, contribute and follow our laws or leave.

SquareEyedSue · 17/11/2025 06:59

Scottsy200 · 16/11/2025 22:38

To be honest with you she was probably just being reassuring, I’ve seen lots of misinformed people who are 2nd generation or that are here legally and have gone through all the processes and contribute to the country, work and pay their taxes who have integrated and truly class this as their own country thinking that Reform is going to kick them out of the country which is madness.

I’m with her, I’m voting Reform at the next election and I don’t care what anyone thinks of me anymore - I’m not a racist but I want my country back.

Absolutely broke my heart to see that veteran on the tv the other day saying that all the sacrifice wasn’t worth it and this country isn’t the country he and many others fought and died for.

We need some one to get these illegals out of our country it’s taking the piss now, the derives are being stretched enough and they are being given priority. I’m sick of being treated like a second class citizen in my own country.

me and my children were made homeless due to a relationship breakdown and we have been in unsuitable temporary housing waiting for our forever home for nearly 3 years and when we were in a crackden of a hotel for 6 weeks we didn’t get 3 meals a day, we didn’t even have cooking facilities so if that doesn’t anger you then you are in wrong country.

Starmer is a useless oxygen filled flesh bag and we need him out

You have a lot in common with assylum seekers. You could say that you are an internally displaced person due to circumstances beyond your control. I am sorry about the situation you find yourself in but it will not be alleviated by blaming some wretched outsider.

SquareEyedSue · 17/11/2025 06:52

ScreamingBeans · 15/11/2025 14:40

Can you point to research which shows that the majority of people who follow Reform are white supremacists?

I would stick my neck out and say that the impulse underlying the views of that party are white supremacist. Many people have conflated immigrant/refugee with race. Reform may as well resurrect the slogan that was prevalent in the 70s - Keep Britain White. This is why so many black and brown British people experienced the recent race riots* as an attack against them.

I call them race riots despite so many commentators legitimising them by saying that people have “had enough”. Enough of what? The increasing presence of black and brown faces on TV adverts where they had been invisible before?

SuffolkSun · 17/11/2025 02:46

Scottsy200 · 16/11/2025 22:38

To be honest with you she was probably just being reassuring, I’ve seen lots of misinformed people who are 2nd generation or that are here legally and have gone through all the processes and contribute to the country, work and pay their taxes who have integrated and truly class this as their own country thinking that Reform is going to kick them out of the country which is madness.

I’m with her, I’m voting Reform at the next election and I don’t care what anyone thinks of me anymore - I’m not a racist but I want my country back.

Absolutely broke my heart to see that veteran on the tv the other day saying that all the sacrifice wasn’t worth it and this country isn’t the country he and many others fought and died for.

We need some one to get these illegals out of our country it’s taking the piss now, the derives are being stretched enough and they are being given priority. I’m sick of being treated like a second class citizen in my own country.

me and my children were made homeless due to a relationship breakdown and we have been in unsuitable temporary housing waiting for our forever home for nearly 3 years and when we were in a crackden of a hotel for 6 weeks we didn’t get 3 meals a day, we didn’t even have cooking facilities so if that doesn’t anger you then you are in wrong country.

Starmer is a useless oxygen filled flesh bag and we need him out

Oh look, a racist troll.

Scottsy200 · 16/11/2025 22:38

To be honest with you she was probably just being reassuring, I’ve seen lots of misinformed people who are 2nd generation or that are here legally and have gone through all the processes and contribute to the country, work and pay their taxes who have integrated and truly class this as their own country thinking that Reform is going to kick them out of the country which is madness.

I’m with her, I’m voting Reform at the next election and I don’t care what anyone thinks of me anymore - I’m not a racist but I want my country back.

Absolutely broke my heart to see that veteran on the tv the other day saying that all the sacrifice wasn’t worth it and this country isn’t the country he and many others fought and died for.

We need some one to get these illegals out of our country it’s taking the piss now, the derives are being stretched enough and they are being given priority. I’m sick of being treated like a second class citizen in my own country.

me and my children were made homeless due to a relationship breakdown and we have been in unsuitable temporary housing waiting for our forever home for nearly 3 years and when we were in a crackden of a hotel for 6 weeks we didn’t get 3 meals a day, we didn’t even have cooking facilities so if that doesn’t anger you then you are in wrong country.

Starmer is a useless oxygen filled flesh bag and we need him out

TicklishMintDuck · 16/11/2025 20:34

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

She said she was born in England and has lived here her whole life!!!

OP, she sounds quite bonkers. I think you need to reconsider this friendship!

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 16/11/2025 20:21

Disenchantedone · 16/11/2025 20:03

Think of it as the other way round. Maybe at some point you have felt judged for your ethnicity, friend comes out with her voting, because she disagrees with the amount of immigrants getting in the country. You say 'suddenly' she said the next bit. Sounds like she thought she might have offended you with the first bit, then thought crap, and starting backtracking. I don't think she is a racist, just somebody who speaks without thinking.

I have adhd. I often blurt things out without thinking!

Funnily enough, I don't find myself accidentally saying racist stuff. Because I'm not secretly thinking racist stuff.

The OP's friend is racist, no question.

Alias0023 · 16/11/2025 20:13

Tell your friend to read 'How Migration Really Works'. There's zero need to be worried about this.

cardibach · 16/11/2025 20:11

Disenchantedone · 16/11/2025 20:03

Think of it as the other way round. Maybe at some point you have felt judged for your ethnicity, friend comes out with her voting, because she disagrees with the amount of immigrants getting in the country. You say 'suddenly' she said the next bit. Sounds like she thought she might have offended you with the first bit, then thought crap, and starting backtracking. I don't think she is a racist, just somebody who speaks without thinking.

Speaking without thinking usually means what you say is what you actually th8nk. Don’t make excuses for racists.

Disenchantedone · 16/11/2025 20:03

Think of it as the other way round. Maybe at some point you have felt judged for your ethnicity, friend comes out with her voting, because she disagrees with the amount of immigrants getting in the country. You say 'suddenly' she said the next bit. Sounds like she thought she might have offended you with the first bit, then thought crap, and starting backtracking. I don't think she is a racist, just somebody who speaks without thinking.