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To think my friend was racist, rude or both?

363 replies

RicottaOtter · 15/11/2025 10:40

I was talking to a friend this morning. This friend is very concerned about excessive immigration to the UK, and plans to vote reform at the next general election because she believes only reform have the guts to tackle the problem properly. I was listening and not saying anything when this friend suddenly said, ‘Don’t worry - you’ll be okay, because of your husband, and you’re a mother to English children…’

I was gobsmacked at first - then realised she was talking about my ethnicity (one quarter English/one quarter white South African but originally English/half East European Jewish). I’ve lived in England my entire life and as far as I’m concerned I’m as English as this friend who was talking to me - whatever my ancestry might be.

Now, remember, this friend was (I think?) trying to be nice and reassuring (‘Don’t worry, you’ll* be okay’) - but I felt quite horrified and angry to have this said to me - am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
PolskiFiat · 18/11/2025 10:22

@OneBookTooMany

Ha ha I get this as it was the same with the Polish community too.

However, I do also feel very British, especially in terms of humour, literature etc and would be a fish out of water in Poland.

I think it's perfectly possible to be happy enjoying the best of both (or more) worlds.

OneBookTooMany · 18/11/2025 07:04

nomas · 17/11/2025 14:17

What is Englishness? Do people think Ian Wright isn't English because despite being born in England, he is black and his parents were born in Jamaica? What confers Englishness?

That's interesting, What makes a nationality?

If both my parents were white Irish and I was born in Africa as they were passing through for work, would I be African?

What about if they settled there and that was where I was brought up, would that make me African?

Would my white Irish parents refer to me as African?

Would I be happy to call myself African if I my parents impressed upon me that I was Irish and brought me up in that culture?

Would other Africans accept me as being just as African as them?

I don't think that one's nationality is just as simple as being the place where you first opened your eyes if you have no other connection to the place.

My brother and I were born to Irish parents in England and we were always told we were Irish. When my brother, aged 23, wrote on his Facebook profile that he was, "English and proud of it", it caused one unholy row.

RasaSayangEh · 18/11/2025 06:48

GenAI!

🤦🏻‍♀️

SuffolkSun · 18/11/2025 06:44

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You said, "he's only going after people who obtained their citizenship fraudulently".

Mass general sweeps, racial profiling and violence used against individuals randomly picked up indicate that this is not the case. Among those arrested there might be individuals who "obtained citizenship fraudulently". But there might not. Who's to know when you use colour and appearance as the basis for arrest.

What does "obtaining citiizenship fraudulently" even mean?

And a tip - Gen AI is only a reflection of the source information used to power it. It may tell you something - it doesn't mean that something is true.

IFoundThem · 17/11/2025 21:58

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IFoundThem · 17/11/2025 21:58

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SuffolkSun · 17/11/2025 21:52

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Oh, you "googled" it.

I also "googled" it. The very first link was to the Pro Publica site (an invesigative, nfp jpurnalism site). The US government doesn't actually track how many citizens are held at any one time in immigration raids so Pro Publica did its own research and estimates - through searching a range of written records from different states - that Jan-Sept 2025, at least 170 US citizens were detained by ICE, including 20 children. 50 of these arrests were because ICE "believed" the arrestees did not have citizenship. There was clear evidence of racial profiling. Many of the arrests involved violence by ICE agents, including against pregnant women and elderly men. Many of the arrestees were susequently released without any charges.

But yeah, go ahead and make the argument that "only people who fraudulently obtained citizenship" including children are arrested.

MrsKeats · 17/11/2025 21:25

How could you be friends with someone like that? Grim.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 17/11/2025 21:21

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You just googled this , like now 😳. For someone who has claimed to have become a citizen along with your family, you seem very sure and reassured ,almost like you never paid attention to the history lessons from Europe 1930's about people that were actually born in Germany going back generations.

I hope I am just being paranoid and I honestly to dog 🙏 wish you no ill will but, I can't take your reassurances seriously - no offence 😘.

IFoundThem · 17/11/2025 20:59

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Doingtheboxerbeat · 17/11/2025 20:52

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I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt up until now, but there is no possible way any of your responses are in good faith 😖. Really???

Nofireplace · 17/11/2025 17:45

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That was your choice. But I am sure you can see why others would have hard time doimg that. Whether emotional or practical reasons.
If I had to give up mine, I wouldn't get UK one.

IRL was supposed to be exactly what it said on a tin. Old IRLs should be upheld. It has literally the world indefinite in it. New system could be 10 year visa or something.

For anyone with EUSS to get rid of that one, they would have to dismantle EU withdrawal agreement if I remember correctly, and I don't think anyone is that mental considering legislation is still being changed in places post brexit because it was such a mega undertaking.

asrl78 · 17/11/2025 16:33

She couold be racist or someone who has lapped up populist crap.

Reform can promise the moon on a stick and say what they like to programme people into hating a perceived out-group instead of those genuinely responsible for the state of the country, because they are not in government and don't have to deliver. It would be a different story if they did gain power and reality trumped ideology. There was a Reform run council that promised to cut council tax by cutting waste within the council. When they got in, they found out there was very little waste to cut, so they couldn't go through with their tax cut. Reality >> populism.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 17/11/2025 16:22

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Sadly, if Reform get elected, I will have to choose to go elsewhere because I'm just not prepared to stick around to witness the shitshow that will inevitably ensue.

Anyway, you'll be welcome to it at that point. I want no part in the cesspit that you're helping to create.

IFoundThem · 17/11/2025 16:21

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Nofireplace · 17/11/2025 16:19

I think "forcing" people to get citizenship is not the way. You can be home without citizenship. IRL should absolutely stay or IF they reaaaallllly want to change it, do like 10 year renewal as shortest and reasonable conditions.

I am surprised that "well forever home then get citizenship and give up the other" is coming from someone who is a fellow first gen tbh.

My birth passport is stronger than British so even visa free travel arguments wouldn't work at me if I had to lose that to gain UK one (luckily I didn't because I wouldn't) 😂

IFoundThem · 17/11/2025 15:57

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IFoundThem · 17/11/2025 15:50

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MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 17/11/2025 15:43

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Perhaps, if you have money to spare. Not everyone does.

And not everyone would want to spend their money on a citizenship application in any case. Particularly not if it meant having to give up the citizenship of their birth country. Many will just take their skills and wealth elsewhere.

JHound · 17/11/2025 15:37

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It doesn’t offer visa free travel to a lot of places and to repeat - why should anybody be forced to make that (in some cases financially crippling) choice?

IFoundThem · 17/11/2025 15:36

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JHound · 17/11/2025 15:35

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That is absolutely untrue.

JHound · 17/11/2025 15:33

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It’s already been done (making people stateless) and I don’t think Reform cares about “international backlash”.

IFoundThem · 17/11/2025 15:33

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JHound · 17/11/2025 15:31

drspouse · 17/11/2025 14:05

And what if Reform decides to strip them of their citizenship?
I'm a dual national (from birth, rather than through acquiring one citizenship) but the way the world is I'm definitely not giving up my non-UK citizenship.
I'm lucky in that neither of my citizenships make you choose: but some UK and other dual nationals who are born with both have to choose at 18. I'd hate to be in that position.

I am a dual national too (I acquired my second one) and same. Luckily I can keep both but the trajectory of public sentiment in the UK and I need a back up plan if things become untenable. (And I would not trust Reform not to leave me stateless.)