To not want my friends nanny on holiday with us?

Exactly how I would treat one too. And how most of the families I worked for treated me (as a British nanny). But having seen how the family I worked for, and pretty much all of their friends treated the Filipino nannies/housekeepers unfortunately it is a very different scenario.
With this particular job I was usually run ragged too on these trips, though not quite as badly, but I did at least get a proper bed and extra pay and/or time off in lieu. I was also able to set reasonable boundaries for myself, like saying I needed a few hours to rest, this wasn’t something the Filipino employees could do as there were plenty more wanting the job. It’s a very sad situation and one of the big reasons I ended up leaving my job after 4 years - anything I asked for to gradually lighten my load (extra time off, fewer extra cleaning jobs, etc) would just be passed on to them, which wasn’t my intention and wasn’t at all fair on them.

Oh yes that is sad.

I am lucky but I think I learned I was treated how Nannie’s should be treated and I have taken that with me now my LO is in nursery.
I like to show how much we appreciated the ladies looking after him and not just with gifts and cards etc - but I wrote an email at chirsmtas thanking the owners for providing such wonderful staff and detailed how great each one has been individually with my son.
and they were so emotionally happy and couldn’t wait to share it with the ladies.

I wonder if she would pay the nanny if she didn't come along. Nanny is in a very precarious position all round imo and probably best she comes - but you can set boundaries hopefully so she isn't constantly landed with everyone's kids. Your friend might be expecting a child free week for all of you, with expensive brunches and spa treatments, so make she understands that's not happening.

She won't be on holiday in Spain though, she will be working,her workload could be tripled as she could be looking after several more Christmas often, plus cooking for them and she will be sleeping in an uncomfortable bed
It sounds as though OPs friend sees the nanny as a servant who will do whatever she is told

She can of course say she doesn’t want to go on the holiday. She can’t stop her friend bringing her nanny on said holiday.

Servants are employees? Are you confusing that with slave?

Thank you for sharing.

Does the nanny have a Schengen visa? Is she even allowed to work in Spain?

Maybe that’s the way to approach it?

Message friend and say it’s lovely her nanny is available to help her but you can’t afford the wage for yours to be included on top of the holiday. Say it’s a shame the kids won’t be together all week.

If her plan is for nanny to have all kids open up a dialogue into whether that’s in exchange for extra days off to explore Spain (eg 1 days work = 3 as 3 lots of kids)

If the nanny does a few days with all children and is happy with that in exchange for time to have a holiday/ explore herself it could end up being a good deal for everyone.

Bit no way would I be complicit in her sleeping in an airbed in an office and having 3 times as many children to care for all week. As said above that’s exploitation.

I would find it very uncomfortable but your decision is whether to go or cancel.

YABU. It’s your friends nanny and hardly a holiday for her if she’s having to take on more responsibility and chores than she would when she is at home.

I think i would say something. I would feel super uncomfortable with this too.

That's the actual reality isn't it? Being grateful to have job, especially that kind of job, doesn't justify treating them poorly. It's not lawful to employ people to work 12+ hours perw day in service with one half day off a week (or sometimes a month) any more for a reason. And we know they're not paid in line with the demands.

Yeah, I guess I was being naive. I'm just imagining how I'd treat a nanny on holiday. Of course there would be work but she'd also have plenty of time to herself. I'd treat her like a family member almost. But yeah, not all people are probably like that. And I've never had a nanny so don't really know much about it.

@Hungryhippos123 Your OP refers to Nanny/ Maid. So is the word Nanny' being used incorrectly? She sounds possibly more like a home help? Is she even qualified to be able to be a nanny?

I'm coming at this from a point of view of the potential dynamics of the group. If I were in your position, I think that I would ask your friend how is thinking how things will work while you are all away, in more detail?

It'll clearly be a problem if your friend plans on not parenting her children at all for spells during the day - and expects you and your other friend to do the same. She won't be happy if you and your friend from Spain don't want to use the Philipino lady because then you'll be with your kids when she wants quiet time/ booze time (whatever) away from children

I do think whichever way it goes you need to chat to this friend and get a lot more detail? Including her arrangements for paying her employee if they do watch the children/ do most of the cooking?

Unfortunately the vast majority of Filipino nannies (particularly one employed in KSA), will not be treated the way you were. She will be working non-stop for no extra pay in an unfamiliar setting. She will not get time off to explore (if she does it’ll be very brief).

"This is the way it's always been so that's the way it will always be"

Nah.

It doesn't matter if it's routine for someone else.

I would object to it, your friend obviously thinks she's great and wants to take her on holiday and that's fine she can, but she wants to bring her on a holiday that's yours as well, that's different altogether. She & her children are fine with it because they're familiar with each other but YOU & your children don't know her, why should you have a stranger around if it makes you feel so uncomfortable. You're meant to be on a relaxing holiday, I would find it awkward.

You're even more ignorant that I thought, equating Islington to anything even vaguely left wing these days. That was an insult maybe 30 years ago? And I live a very long way from there, anyway.

i had a great nanny job where if I went on holiday I was treated well with proper bed etc and extra pay, time off. If the kids needed me during the night extra pay for that too.
even though I cooked for kids at home I wasn’t expected to on holiday as we ate out, and if with other families all the parents cooked since they were eating too.
I was basically just there to watch the kids when the parents wanted adult time.
also all the grandparents were all so good to me - they said I was looking after the kids which made me the most important and that I had to be looked after too 😊

Sorry, but I’d be saying you are not happy with a) the horrendous expectation that this employee can make do with a blow up bed in an office and b) the assumption that you’d be happy for her to increase her load by taking care of your children too so - on this basis, as you don’t agree with exploitation of workers - you are afraid you won’t be able to join them after all.

Sorry, but the proposal reveals the other party is rather despicable and utterly lacking in respect for her nanny and also for the parenting values of other people (the OP, specifically).

This is why I’ve never gone on holiday with another family though - there are always value differences that become contentious.

Treating brown women like equals isn't a luxury belief.

Why on earth would OP save for a holiday and then spend it on an office floor to accommodate a woman she doesn’t want there? I’d rather stay home.

Saying that I don't think the Nanny we are talking about is just a Nanny.