To not want my friends nanny on holiday with us?

Haven't read the whole thread, but just bear in mind that if your friend is used to having a helper then she is unlikely to cope well with her children. A good friend of mine lives and was brought up somewhere where staff are the expectation. She had literally never spent 2 weeks alone with her children (one SEN), it was less than relaxing for everyone else as she negotiated solo parenting for the first time ever.

Do you you not also think it’s perfectly possible that she doesn’t have any agency. Or at least possibly little choice? If she refuses to come then what? She loses this wonderful job to the next dirt poor person that gets picked.
A good wage and being well treated is the the bare minimum anyone working as a nanny in this country would expect. Why should she be any different?
I don’t disagree with the white saviour comment up to a point but anyone claiming it’s ok to treat your employees in a slightly shit manner just because they come from poverty is missing the point.
She might sleep on a dirt floor at home for all we know but when she’s in the employ of people that can easily afford to provide much better then she should be getting it.
And maybe she would be offended by all of us privileged westerners being offended on her behalf but I can live with that.

If the nanny didn't get paid when the parents were on holiday that would be exploitation in my book. And it's much harder to have agency when you are poor and powerless.

I find so many of these responses so strange. You are all imagining this nanny has no agency, is a complete victim wirh no thoughts and opinions of her own. The Philippines are poor. Dirt poor. She probably has a very good wage working for your friend and (assuming your friend is a good employer) is looked after well. As one previous poster said she probably thinks she’s hit the jackpot.
If you insist the nanny doesn’t come then - she doesn’t get work? She has to take a holiday when maybe she doesn’t want to?

I think there’s a kind of weird white saviour racism to a lot of these posts.

It's two words collide. If you are not used to having personal staff, of course you may well find it uncomfortable.

I find it uncomfortable that the cleaning staff at my David Lloyd gym are all from south east Asia, hardly speak English, are in their 60s, doing a pretty horrible job. A

Would I want those uncomfortable feelings on holiday? No.

People who have hired nannies or housekeepers like this think it's fine but they aren't the OP having to accommodate it on her holiday.

This is a fundamental lack of understanding of the general role the OP is talking about. It’s generally housekeeping with a bit of keeping an eye on the children. Housework and cleaning washing up and preparing food is the core of the job. The nannying part is often at that age being around so the mum has an extra pair of hands eg babysitting and being able to leave the kids at home if she needs to go out.

Your friend will have very different expectations - I work remotely for a Filipino company, and the Filipinos I work with have very different expectations of a maid/nanny than a European would.

Treat the nanny fairly (she will be fine on a blow-up bed - I would be) give her some time off (whilst understanding that she won't have spare cash like you to do things anyway), and see how it goes. You might hit it off, she might prefer to keep separate, you just don't know.

@BoyOhBoyFTM
It’s in the OP that the nanny will be sleeping on a blow up in the office room and friend said that’s fine.

Thank you

I mean help. I'm sure it's possible to do a bit of washing up here and there and also spend quality time with your kids.

Surely a nanny is there to look after the children, not to do cooking and cleaning? Or do you think that she is just a generic servant whose duties aren't specified so can change at the whim of her employer?

God forbid that the mums spend any time prepping food and washing up on their holiday. That would be utterly tragic.

I live abroad and have a Filipino nanny. I pay her very well and treat her like family. Most people I know do the same. I have, many times, said she's more important to me than my DH right now. I fucking love her and she loves my son.

I have taken her to meetups with friends and it makes things SO MUCH EASIER. Can i do without her? Yes. But why not make everyone 's lives easier and enjoy myself a little?

And lol at she shouldn't be doing any cleaning or cooking. Kids age 5-10 don't need eyes on them 100% of the time, and cleaning and cooking is part of it.

And OP doesn't know the nanny is sleeping on the floor or a blow up bed, she's making some assumptions there.

Some of the comments along the lines that women from the Philippines are grateful for the work and 'that's just what it's like' sadden me.

The fact that it's just what it's like doesn't make it okay to pay the market rate, and not treat them as human beings, who don't have great agency.

They don't have many choices. There's a lot of social pressure to leave their children behind to go and look after someone else's.

It's very tough to be working hard and sending most of your money home. Some awareness of economic injustice wouldn't go amiss.

Filipina: ‘brown’?

What extraordinary ignorance of ethnicity and ethnography. Are you American?

She’s a nanny not a housekeeper. He job is only related to children. Yes cook and clean for children, not the adults.

Haven't read the full thread, so this may already have been mentioned. I don't know your friend, obviously, but if she decides not to bring the nanny, does that mean the nanny will not be paid for the days the family is away? Surely, kinder to accept her coming. The change might be welcome, especially if the pther parents don't make her take on their children in addition to her existing charges.

Thar would bother me massively. I'd end up taking the blow up bed and giving her my room. I just couldn't treat someone else like that.

I was a nanny who went away with my family to a British destination (so no flights or overseas travel). I had my own bedroom. There were DEFINITELY comments made to me conspiratorially by the manager of the cottage we stayed in about ‘that type’ of family bringing the ‘help’ so it was judged. My duties included things like having the kids handed over to me when they got up at their usual obscene time so parents could have another couple hours in bed (especially mum who was ashen from tiredness because she did all the wake ups normally at home and her kids were NOT good sleepers). On days out I was another pair of hands to find a high chair or walk the grizzly baby up and down to get him to sleep so parents could enjoy exploring with the older toddler. They’d go out a couple of evenings and I would babysit (I also cleaned up on those evenings just because it was a nice thing to do but not expected). I got some evenings off and a couple of afternoons off. Everything very much couched as me being there to help them enjoy their holiday, allow them to get some rest as well and also enjoy time with their kids more easily. I loved it and fantasised about being able to do the same one day (still do!)
this really doesn’t sound like the same setup and perhaps that’s why you’re uncomfortable-no mutual respect or intention to enjoy the children and friendly company of other mums with helping hand rather than a silent domestic grunt doing all the work. The blow up bed in particular sounds rotten in Spanish heat

Are you the lady wanting to bring the nanny? Its not about culture Its about human decency.

Why wouldn’t you let her wash up and clear plates etc? That’s the kind of stuff that can be outsourced to staff so that parents can enjoy quality time with kids? Otherwise what, the nanny supervises the kids while the mums spend their holiday prepping food and washing up?

Kingdom of Saudi Arabia

Where is KSA?

Don’t stop her coming! It might be her chance
to escape.

my friends nanny was working for a family in KSA. She hated it and was treated badly, but was pretty trapped (also Filipino). they travelled to London and she left them at the airport. She then followed the correct routes to be able to stay. She’s lovely and works with proper conditions (pay/holiday etc) with my friends children, travels back to the Philippines to see her family often.

I think you just need to get very clear in your head that it's your friend's nanny and the arrangements are between them.
I would be very uncomfortable at someone, especially someone you employ having to sleep on a makeshift bed.
I would also be uncomfortable if they were to wait on me. It's such an alien situation. You are not responsible at all for your friend deciding this though.

Treat the nanny well, be sure to express gratitude for any help. Don't let her be the one to clear plates, cook, wash up etc... Beyond that just enjoy your holiday.

For those saying she might enjoy the holiday, how would you feel if your work sent you away for two weeks, asked you to do three times the amount of work as usual for two new bosses you’ve never met before, and you sleep on a blow-up bed, and they say ‘but enjoy the holiday!’
My god, the mental gymnastics people are doing to justify this is eye-opening.