To not want my friends nanny on holiday with us?

But @Eleos you're not the friend. The OP might feel absolutely fine about it, if it were you, because she would be reassured that the nanny would be well-treated.

I'm from a long line of domestic workers - I don't have to have been a nanny in Saudi Arabia, or someone who employed a nanny in Saudi Arabia, to comment on what might reassure the OP.

And @whatcanthematterbe81 that's fine - that's your choice! It's not so fine if the person sleeping on a blow-up bed isn't in a position to complain.

I meant places not leaves 😂

Also, I sleep on a blow up bed every time I visit my family. It’s really not that deep! It’s not sleeping on a rock!

@goingoffonatangentagain thank you for the linked article. I read it and the three related articles. Very moving and very enlightening. This sharing is one of my favorite things about MN…literally and figuratively linking me to knowledge I might not find on my own. Whenever I tire of cruel responses or seemingly obtuse readers I come across a nugget like your post and I think…yes this is why I read posts.

Poor Nanny? It’s literally her job! I have nanny friends who get to go to amazing leaves with their rich employers and don’t even have to do that much work. Lots of them are living the dream!

We don't know that the nanny will not be given time out. I imagine she most certainly will be.

My gripe with the posters here is the leap to slavery.

My own personal experience of such a scenario is that this loved and respected lady will have a lot of time off.

I can also jump to conclusions. Difference is, mine are lived ones, based on experience and knowledge. Not random ideas, projections and accusations.

I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like @Hungryhippos123 based on this post she made.

I agree
is this actually a nanny,
with nanny T+C’s
or a dogsbody / lacky ??
ugh

The fact your friend expects her nanny to steep on a blow up bed, while being there to work and not only care for her normal charges but other children AND cook for you all, would make me question being a friend with someone like that.

While you can't control what she does, I'd ask her whether there could be proper accommodation your friend books for the nanny, whether she will be compensated appropriately and whether nanny would receive days off on this holiday and not expected to work the whole week. Based on her answers, I'd like have a few choice words and if I found out the nanny really was being treated like this, I'd say I can't be part of a trip that mistreats someone.

Fillipino fnannies have a long history of being mistreated and overworked by western families. I've read several first hand accounts on it and there is a fabulous documentary brining the situation to light. I had some choice words with a friend who was having their nanny work 12 hour days, sand and stain their deck, have their children overnight, wash their external windows using a rented ladder etc. She was paying her minimum wage minus food/board. It was sickening. Not saying your friend is the same, but I'd have questions...

But there's a third option, isn't there, between the current scenario and being at home reliant on the local economy.

Say the nanny is employed to work for the holiday with two guaranteed days off, paid extra, with manageable responsibilities, and a proper room/bed of her own. Enhanced terms for work going beyond the contract, rather than relying on her to say 'these responsibilities go beyond what we agreed'.

Your ethics about decency makes not a jot of difference to this lady.

If you, and all the other outraged posters here had their way, this lady would be living in impoverished conditions with no lifeline to a better life. Your pearl clutching over a blow up bed means nothing to her. Additionally, no longer hiring these women would mean certain dire outcomes for their families.

I hope all of the outraged don't use Amazon Prime etc.

So many of you are utterly clueless about the lives of others.

OP, Let your friend know you made a MN post about your morality vs hers. Personally, I would want to know so I could tell you to F off.

Are you a troll?

You can offer her your bed if you feel that strongly?

It's unbelieveable. It's basically saying, compared to what she's used to, she'll be grateful to go on holiday. It's vile. I couldn't condone this in any way

It is usual for someone to offer a decent size tip in this situation because she will be creating extra work for the nanny.
If OP doesn’t want to do this, or isn’t able to then she needs to say something because it isn’t fair to use the services and not cover the extra work.

I can see why you feel weird about it.

I dislike the implication that she should be grateful for a reasonable job because her alternatives are so poor.

Say the employer suddenly turns difficult. What are her choices?

The OP is uncomfortable because she thinks the nanny will end up doing much more than is in her contract, without realistically being able to say no - looking after all the children, doing a lot of cooking and cleaning - and she cannot afford to pay towards that.

In fair labour markets, we can accept work suddenly being very busy because once the panic is over, we have meaningful choices - if it happens too often we will move jobs or find a way to push back.

The OP is not confident enough that this arrangement will be fair to the nanny, and she is not unreasonable to feel so.

It may be that her friend is a great employer. But she feels that she does not have enough reason to be confident in this, from what she does know.

It isn't saviourism; it's a sense of what is just.

So they have no private space at all? That sound absolutely awful.

i agree with this

That would really bother me.

You can't refuse the Nanny but you can back out of the trip yourself, or refuse to leave your kids with the Nanny or let her cook for you.

A fucking blow up bed?! And extra kids to look after/mouths to feed?

Dfriend is a CF.

It would be a firm no from me.

It might be different in KSA as I guess space is less of a premium but in Singapore the live-ins never had bedrooms; they effectively had a bed in the back-kitchen and slept there.

I’m sure you’re right that in the world we live in, this nanny probably has a ‘good deal’ vs the other options that were reasonably available to her in the Philippines. I also think it’s not too hard to understand why many women feel deeply uncomfortable about the fact that this nanny probably has kids at home who she sees once a year and instead she’s looking after the OP’s mate’s kids because she’s desperate to provide for children and this is her best option.

this nanny needs her own bedroom. Not just to sleep, but a place for her to retreat when she is not wanted by the rest of the group, which will be quite often I imagine.

I would have one question for your friend. Who looks after the nanny’s passport back in KSA, her or the nanny?

I think the best outcome you can effect is to ensure the nanny isn’t overworked when she comes by not adding to her workload. Hopefully your friend will give her reasonable personal / down time and you can encourage that diplomatically.

I know what you mean about ‘hired help’ changing the dynamic; I can’t even be at home when my cleaner is there. It makes me cringe but I’m aware that’s my problem, not anyone else’s.

How is it different to her saying she wants to bring her sister or her mother with her?
The OP thought she had booked a holiday with two friends and their children and now one of those friends has said she wants to bring an additional person, it completely changes what the holiday was going to be.

I’ve lived in the ME and seen the abuses of the kafala system firsthand. This woman may have chosen to subject herself to it out of a lack of other opportunities, but I don’t have to be ok with her exploitation, in the same way I accept that women enter prostitution, usually from a lack of other options, but I will have no truck with the people who exploit them.