To not want my friends nanny on holiday with us?

The only thing that would bother me is the poor women sleeping on a blow up bed not even in a bedroom! I bet she’s treated like shit at the women’s house if she thinks that’s remotely ok. Not the type of person I’d want to mix with.

You can’t stop her bringing her nanny for some help.

You can decide not to let her look after your kids and take your own turn at cooking - which I definitely would do!

yep, the blow-up bed would make me incredibly uncomfortable as well. The nanny deserves a normal room where she can get some space, relax, feel comfortable…

Geez only on mumsnet! Anyway, your friend doesn’t sound nice. I hope her nanny moves on and seeks better employers!

I think they mostly have bedrooms but there are also many converted bomb shelter rooms so ‘bedrooms’.

Maybe that was true years ago but most expats have a separate maids room and toilet off the kitchen. A private and permanent bed is a requirement nowadays.

I don’t know. What I’d hope I’d say is ‘I’m really uncomfortable with the idea of a holiday where one adult doesn’t get a proper bed just because they are an employee. Employees are people too, and I’d need to know they are being treated fairly. That seems to me to be at minimum a decent bed and reasonable workload- they won’t for example be looking after my kids as I don’t have extra budget to pay fairly for them being looked after, more kids are more work and gets more pay.

There are ways to treat a nanny. One of the most important ones is giving them a private sleeping space and the other is not expecting them to help with other people’s children outside the home. Your friend is not treating her nanny appropriately.

It's strange how people talk here about Filipina women like they are some homogenous group too. I work with a Filipina woman, she is a skilled professional and if her job suddenly involved doing three times as much work - essentially being outsourced to her employer's mates - then she would have the right to complain, and she would. Obviously the KSA has fewer rights - that's hardly a secret and expat going there is there for the money and not any higher calling, but that doesn't make it OK in Spain in a friendship group for all the guests to suddenly buy into that mindset, or easy.

But apparently because it's the KSA it's OK, that's just the way it is. And to point out the exploitation is being a white saviour, virtue signalling or "sitting with uncomfortable feelings" or whatever some self justifying poster came out with...

Maybe it is, but if it was my holiday and a friend brought along her help with the promise that she'd be able to help with "all the kids" I'd feel uncomfortable. I'm not naive and I'm not trying to save the world, I'm just not a dick and in the same way I wouldn't ask the neighbour's gardener to mow my lawn I wouldn't expect her to help with my kids....

But these 2 situations are not comparable. Your mum is not your employer.
I have slept on blow up beds. It’s perfectly ok in a situation such as visiting family and space is limited.
On the other hand I’d be pissed off if I was made to go abroad for work, everyone else had their own bedroom and was stuck on the blow up mattress..
can you really not see that?
Having a nanny, fine, taking the nanny with you, fine, treating that nanny like a second class citizen and expecting her to be happy about it, not fine.

I’m sure your friends are. Where have I said that many Nannies don’t have a lovely job and an exciting life!?
Does this nanny sounds like that’s what is happening to her?? Do your friends often sleep in offices on the floor?? Are they often expected to care for several extra and unknown kids?? Cook for 9?? No? I doubt it!

How much extra will she be paying her maid for the extra cooking/childcare/cleaning.

how much is she expecting the other parents to contribute.

Ok so I know it seems wierd but the KSA friend will be so used to having this nanny, she won’t want the extra work! If you aren’t used to having help, I totally get why it seems awkward, but they’re there working, but to be your friend. Doesn’t mean they won’t speak and be pleasant but also unlikely they’ll be sat by the pool with you drinking margaritas! They’ll keep themselves to themselves. She will probably just cook for all the kids etc, I’d be delighted if one of my friends was prepared to go to the expense of bringing the nanny! Less work for me! I’m used to having a private cook and other help though so it seems more normal to me.

I’ll set the ‘virtual signaller’ (!!) comment aside since it’s distracting from the core ethical issue the OP raised.

The issue is not about whether the nanny wants this job - or whether I or you would find sleeping on a blow-up bed acceptable.

The issue is about an employer's responsibilities. The OP is right to feel uncomfortable about a potential imbalance of power and fairness, and to want reassurance that the nanny will be fairly treated.

Saying someone is 'lucky' to have a job because it helps their family is true for many working people globally. But economic necessity does not negate an employer's obligation to provide working conditions that meet basic standards of respect, privacy, and fair compensation.

A paid holiday worker being housed in a non-private common area (like a study) is generally considered sub-standard accommodation for an adult employee, regardless of whether that employee feels grateful for the opportunity.

The fact that the OP is not confident the arrangement is fair is exactly why she is right to feel uneasy. Her unease reflects an ethical obligation to question potential exploitation.

The OP's problem is valid. She is being put in a position of complicity with an arrangement she feels is potentially exploitative, and she is not unreasonable for wanting to avoid that.

Ok so your employer sends you on a work conference. You’re on call 24 hours running after a client, and they bring other clients so you can do their work too.

they won’t pay for a hotel, you get a blow up bed in the office.

but it’s ok because they’re sending you abroad. Not that you’ll get to see any of it because you won’t get any free time, you’ll be in the office building.

yeah. Not on. She’s not a friend or family choosing to spend time with them and putting up with the blow up bed because she’s getting to see her family for free, she’s a paid, working member of staff.

people used to say similar things about black South Africans working for white families in the days of apartheid. Oh we treat them like family, they love working for us etc etc. no, they want pensions, annual leave, and workers rights.

Why can't they hire these women and give them the sort of working conditions that they would be required to give them in the UK?

Why can't they rent holiday accommodation with enough room for the nanny to have a proper bedroom with the extra cost paid for by OP's friend?

Just because people move from the UK to countries with no employment rights for domestic workers doesn't mean that they have to exploit these women when they could give them decent working conditions. It's a choice that they are making.

But do we know this is the case? My Nanny friends earn £16 an hour, which I know isn’t loads but it’s a lot more than minimum wage. And honestly they would be offended at how some are making this job out to be exploitation. They love their work and the family relationship etc.

@whatcanthematterbe81 It's not 'just a job' though if you have very few meaningful alternatives. It's not a perfectly free market where the market rate is fair and just.

There's a long history of domestic workers being exploited, whether from the Global South or not, so it's not unreasonable to think it's not impossible in this case.

In Britain, young women exited domestic work very promptly as soon as they had alternatives. Monica Dickens' One Pair of Hands gives great insight into the banality of poor treatment by employers.

I agree, was she given the choice to extend her services to friends for childcare and cooking, probably washing up as well.

I would feel a bit puzzled as to why she can't just enjoy the holiday with her kids without expecting someone else to look after them, and more, and to serve food etc. While at work and needing help at home, fine, but this is excessive and unnecessary. It's precious time to bond, be a family, not offload to someone else.

Are you a Filipino lady employed in one of the countries mentioned?

Having a history in domestic work doesn't mean you are qualified to substantiate the OP's position.

It irks that women from Britain think they know best for the women of countries like the Philippines, yet I am certain, do nothing more for them, than virtual signal on here.

Clueless, ridiculous and hypocritical.

your Mum is the worst 😂. Hopefully she’s not going to ask you to cook anything and then have the cheek to pay you for it too!

im honestly so confused why a blow up bed is so bad. Unless it’s a really shitty one, they’re just beds! I think a lot of people have made their minds up but I know people who do this for a job and they love it. I know if the employer is a twat that’s different but this is a JOB. We all get given a little more than our normal workload every so often in work, unless theyre being mistreated then this is no different.

I think lots here can’t fathom the idea of having this kind of help, and that ok but assuming it’s like slavery is mental

Flying tomorrow. A blow up bed awaits me at my mums.

Feel like I should look at her differently now.

Except, I am not a dick and it is perfectly comfortable.