To not want my friends nanny on holiday with us?

Well a "nanny" working in Saudi, isn't a nanny in the UK sense is she. She's a poorly paid housekeeper/chilcare/cook. She will just do as she is told as she needs to support her family in the Philippines. I would be incredibly uncomfortable with this.
One of the many reasons I won't go to the UAE, Saudi, etc

White Lotus 5

Very normal in that neck of the woods to have a housekeeper. My friend lives in Dubai, no kids and employs a full time Filipino lady who cleans, cooks and takes care of the pets. She doesn’t bring her on holiday but I imagine if she had kids she might do.
It does feel exploitative but actually these people are paid well and live in relative luxury, at least my friends HK does, she has her own suite in their very large house and is treated as one of the family.
I felt uncomfortable when I first visited and she offered to make me breakfast but actually this is her job, which she is paid to do and going on holiday with the family would probably be quite a nice treat for her.
I think I’d be ok with it and if she did look after me kids I would be sure to pay her additionally and make sure she gets some time off to enjoy herself.

A different friend is a carer, in England to a disabled woman. She’s been on holiday with her as her carer and loves it! Yes it’s work but it’s also a free holiday and she gets to explore a bit in her down time

The nanny is probably no such thing, more a domestic servant back in the KSA household.

I do hate it when Brits abroad behave like to the manor born when they can get their hands on some cheap labour.

I too would be uncomfortable being on holiday with a woman who is basically being brought to Spain to skivvy for others, and has to sleep in an office on a blow-up bed. You wouldn't expect this of a British nanny, particularly taking on the kids of another two families!

A pp has said that Filipina women are pragmatic about having to work abroad to support their families back home - believe me many are very resentful of having to do so.

Maybe international travel is considered as a perk by the nanny. She needs her own bedroom (and bed!) though.

I think there is a lot said and a lot unsaid in this to. Clearly your friend knows that this is potentially uncomfortable and has offered to 'share' her nanny as a sweetener - I think that gives you scope to say you would rather not as you couldn't be comfortable.

That being said, it could completely transform your holiday with the opportunity to make use of childcare and have an extra pair of eyes. You decide how you take up that offer - and perhaps factoring in extra-pay, tipping or a babysitting fee if you want to head out for the evening would be a way of ensuring there isn't any 'exploitation' going on. Kids are a chore at times and holidaying with them can quickly become holidaying them... no judgement on those who need some self-care.

For me it would be about how I felt and my own interaction with that rather than the arrangements my friend has made - as long as it was legal and above board. You can decide if and how.

You’re quite the apologist, aren’t you, @MidnightPatrol? First on the empire thread, where you know :’more than the average person’, and now you’re an expert on Filipina migrant workers and the kafala system in KSA. I’d be asking myself some questions, in your shoes.

Are you trying to be amusing? (If so, you failed.)

Grandparents have a choice in going on holiday and doing a bit of childcare. Do you think the nanny has a choice?

My parents and my husband’s mum have come on holiday with us several times, but it’s to enjoy spending time together, we don’t get them to babysit.

It would bother me and I wouldn't want to go on holiday with this friend, whether she dragged her poor exploited "ok to sleep on a blow up bed" nanny with her or not.

But if the friend wanted to bring her nanny she should have mentioned it when the holiday was first planned, to see if the others objected to a stranger being there, not suddenly presented it as a fact accompli. It changes the whole dynamic of the holiday.

I take your friend doesnt really parent her kids much? Surely she can give her nanny a few days hoilday? Yanbu.

I wouldn’t like this. How committed are you financially? Can you just drop out?

If she is pretty she will probably enhance the holiday.

Agree about the bed though - see above!!

Many people holiday in groups including grandparents in the hope and expectation that the hard working parents are offered some babysitting to have a much deserved day or evening or two off. Likewise many people use holiday clubs etc. How us using a nanny different? Isn’t it safer?

I had fairly easy kids and used holiday clubs at hotels very rarely and only to help kids make friends as I was always dubious about the caregivers - being unable to rely on the same laws, ratios, safeguarding, cultural norms wtc as at home.

However I don’t judge people who want some time off on holiday! And a nanny who knows the kids and you trust is a good option provided she’s not in solo charge the majority of the time, is well treated and properly remunerated and gets time off.

You seem to be assuming this woman is being abused, with no actual evidence of that.

Do you consider your own job to be exploitation? Like being made to work down a mine?

Its very normal across the world for wealthier people (and tbh middle class households) to have household staff to help with childcare, cleaning,
cooking etc.

You have no idea on what terms or salary on which she’s been employed.

If OP isn’t comfortable with an extra person there as an employee, fair enough. But the assumption the nanny is in a terrible situation is a bit far-fetched based on what we know.

I'd be uncomfortable with this. A blow up bed in the office? No.

People will differentiate on this one...but personally speaking I couldn't get with that.

This would also make me feel uncomfortable. The whole 'she doesn't mind!' sleeping on the floor or looking after 3x as many kids as normal. She might, she might not, but it's doubtful that she is in a position as an employee in that country, to say 'sorry (Hungryhippos friend) that's way outside my job description, I'm staying at home/ I'll only come if you pay me triple' because the relationship is likley to be completely unequal.

Would you be able to say something along the lines of you know that this set up is normal where she lives but you feel a bit uncomfortable with someone staying with you without a proper bedroom running around after you'd kids while yoh relax. Or that you're happy to take turns cooking for the kids and taking the opportunity to spend some time with them etc? And if she does end up looking after your kids I'd be wanting to make sure that she was compensated properly for having her workload massively increased so I'd suggest (in advance) clubbing together with the other mum to pay the extra and asking your KSA friend how much she suggests would be fair. Her answer will tell you a lot - if she says she has already agreed something with the nanny (extra holiday, a bonus, etc) then I'd be more comfortable. If she says 'oh no it's part of her duties and she's happy to do it,' I would be extremely uncomfortable and feel like I was taking advantage

Can you imagine the uproar if a Brittish nanny had to sleep on a blow up bed ! Or if a mumsnetters dd was aupairing but had to.sleep in the office room on the blow up.bed whilst the family had nice rooms,

Why on earth wouldn’t you want the nanny? Make a holiday for yourself!

I agree with you. I don’t understand those saying it’s not your business. When the holiday was first planned presumably there was no mention of the nanny. You’re right that it changes the whole dynamic and I wouldn't like it, any more than I would like one of my friends bringing any complete stranger on a joint holiday (and that’s quite apart from your discomfort at having to include someone not being treated as an equal).

I would enlist the support of the other friend (assuming she feels the same) and both of you tell your friend that you’re not happy with the nanny idea, it's not what you agreed to and you’d rather she didn’t come.

Yabu, I’ve done this before. Meant we had a bloody good holiday. I could have a proper conversation, good night out, kids always have an adult with them, etc.
It’s her choice, and the kids are probably used to her as well. If it makes their lives easier why not.

Do you really think “friend” is offering this nanny who is also the cook double or triple pay for this trip where she has volunteered her assistance to the whole group?

Would a professional nanny on a nanny’s wages be sleeping on a blow up mattress without a bedroom?