I could really use some advice on whether I am being unreasonable about the level of exhaustion my husband is at.
Family set up. Me; 42. Freelance work that doesn't bring in much, but means I can do all school runs, no after school clubs, cover school holidays, no need for holiday clubs etc, manage mental load etc. I cook for myself and kids, housework etc. 2 kids, 5 and 11.
DH: 44, full time £90k job, 2 days communting, the rest from home. No evening hobbies. He is vegan, so cooks for himself.
I get up with the kids at 7 on school days and do breakfast, lunches, spellings, reading etc and get them off to school while he gets ready for work. He starts at 9. He takes an hour for lunch where he often eats and has a nap fpr 20 minutes. He finishes at 5, when he cooks for himself then gets smallest one to bed on some evenings. He goes to bed at 10. The little one still gets up in the night so we end up ferrying him back to be about 3 times. We take turns at this.
He is yawning constantly, big black shadows under his eyes. No energy or motivation. Waves of anxiety which he is getting therapy for, but to no real effect. On a weekend, he will go through the motions with the family but you can tell he just wants to be left alone. We will both have naps.
He gets time off every school holiday as I take the children to visit relatives for 4 days to a week. He is refeshed after this but a week later is exhausted again.
I don't know the solution. I'm quite low on stamina myself and need an awful lot of sleep, and get migraines around once a month so he covers for me then. I also get breaks when with relatives and at home when the kids are at school. I feel very guilty that he is so worn down. But,if I went back to work he would have to do more of the mental load and wouldn't cope. I'd like him to consider 4 days a week, so he could at least sleep on a day so it doesn't affect the weekends, but he's against that.
I'm concered it's long covid, or his diet, but he insists his vegan diet is healthy (he does it right, lits of lentils etc for protein), but he also has lits of food intolerances and IBS.
I must admit I'm ranting, he's excellent in so many ways, I just hate seeing him so tired and crabby and it's meaning we don't do as much as a family.