My husband is always exhausted. Is this normal?

@Wrenbirdwren look at Histamine Intolerance if bloods and other tests come back fine. I'd be trying to get a colonoscopy and endoscopy done.

I wonder if your DH is hypermobile.

Are you on hrt?

Think iron, b vitamin or vitamin d deficiency

I think he needs blood tests and your five year old needs to have some proper support to sleep through the night.

He needs his bloods doing again for deficiency. It could be stress related. or diet does he have kefir, kombucha or kimchi? All are good for the gut.
We are similar tbh, once we had ds (8 but has additional needs so quite stressful) dh energy levels dropped and he struggled to cope with more than work and basic parenting. This put a lot of pressure on me and I ended up reducing my hours and taking on the majority of the house , cold rearing and mental load.
Dh decided to try to be healthier so he goes to the gym 4x a week and eats a very healthy diet. It has helped but he still goes to bed at 930 every night exhausted. He’s had bloods including hormones checked (although only one hormone check I said he needs at least two as they fluctuate over the month) He really struggles with any more than bare minimum existing. I think it’s largely stress/mh although he won’t engage in anything that would help him.
Our situation works ok for now and I’m just hoping he improves as ds gets older and hopefully more I dependant.
if I’m honest I suspect dh is autistic (as is DS) and he’s often overwhelmed by things that most people aren’t and I think this takes a toll on him . He would probably have been better to not have children.

I was vegan for nearly 2 years and would have sworn blind to anyone listening I was getting enough iron, protein etc, I was exhausted and a blood test showed I was severely anaemic and several other levels I can't remember were way, way out of normal. I ended up with a blood transfusion and stern advice that while a vegan diet worked well for some my body was clearly not able to absorb enough nutrients either in the forms or quantity I was providing, I get regular blood tests because things got so severe but I've not needed another transfusion since reluctantly going back to a more standard modern diet.

I knew even before I clicked open the post that he'd be vegan.

My partner was the same, vegan for 10 years, siblings the same. They've all given it up now for various health reasons and the difference is unsurprising but dramatic.

Only solution is to stop being so restrictive - doesn't have to be a lot but even occasional red meat, eggs, fish are extremely nutritious. Vitamin injections and tablets are for people with severe deficiencies, and it's not a sustainable or desirable way to live to have to eat non-foods just to survive.

If he has gut issues (that may be caused by his diet in the first place) and needs to restrict what he eats to cope with those, it makes even less sense to add optional restrictions on top of those. He has a family and a responsibility, it doesn't make sense to put his principles about animal welfare or whatever above the actual day-to-day welfare of his own family.

While asking for the blood screen, and assuming he does eat gluten, ask for a coeliac screen too. (You have to eat gluten for at least six weeks before the test for it to work, though.)

If your 5 year old has no additional needs and is just getting up for comfort, get that sorted. Couples in their 40s generally don't need naps. Always nice though. Doctor of course. But little ones sleep issues need sorting

I don’t want to worry you, but I think that you should also ask the doctor for a bowel cancer test. Stomach problems and fatigue are two of the biggest symptoms. Tests are non invasive (you just poo in a jar) but it would be worth ruling it out I think.

Could he be very high b12 because he is not absorbing it properly? Or is he blindly supplementing? Either way, I agree with those with those saying it’s the vegan diet, humans are not designed to thrive on this diet.

He needs blood tests. I’m vegetarian and don’t get enough/absorb B12 properly. I have jabs every 12 weeks. I can feel when they’re due as I feel wiped out and no amount of sleep helps.
He may also be low in iron.
My sister is also vegetarian and was low in folic acid. She was very ill for 3 weeks and was in bed for 2 weeks. She’s normally a very active person.

I am a vegetarian who couldn’t sustain veganism, it was making me very burnt out like your DP, my hair really thinned out and I looked ill. It’s extremely difficult to get enough protein, iron, or calcium. Does he take B12 or any of those as a supplement? He needs to go to a doctor asap and get all of those tested. I bounced back once I started eating vegetarian foods that covered all those bases.

If he has IBS, is he gluten free? He may need to be for it to settle. Worth a try. Has to be completely gluten free though, not half-hearted. Other ideas, could very easily be an iron deficiency - he would need a full iron panel, also I think a full cell count to establish whether he has anaemia, plus a Vitamin D test.

The other thing worth testing is thyroid.

He needs to change something else he'll be living an exhausted shadow of a life!

To find scholarly publications on IBS and diet, check out Google Scholar.

It's absolutely his diet. But if he doesn't want to change it, I think it's more important he look at supplements. I'd be more worried about anemia/iron from what you've said that b12. Also a lot o fpeople who are working from home and low energy etc, are not getting enough vitamin D. It's hard enough in this country.

I would INSIST he gets an updated blood test to test all the obvious things that impact fatigue etc.

And as someone wo had a similar sleep issue, we went back to co sleeping. Because frankly, we all needed the sleep. it was more important than what was "right". We had years of him bsically sleeping in our bed and DH sleeping in his but he's a healthy, strapping 14 year old now who sleeps in his own bed and woldn't be caught dead in mine!

If this was me I would ask him to go to the Dr for bloods but also raise his IBS symptoms. My husband was diagnosised as IBS at first he actually and IBD.
Look at low FODMAP diet.
I woulf get the child a small double bed and if they wake up one of you can child in with them in their bed. I assuming you’ve done all the obvious thing like ruling out a scary this in room, night lights, new cuddly toy and telling them it’s normal to wake in the night and when it happens they should try and snuggle down with their cuddly toy.

As pp have said, it could be his diet.

OP I've had IBS for years - it ruled my life and was awful - and it's completely under control now. I tried everything and eventually realised my body just can't digest short chain carbohydrates (basically a low FODMAP diet plus low dose psyllium husks daily and decent vitamin and mineral supplements to get all my levels back up to the norm fixed it completely, alongside exercise and stretching). Some people just don't have the capability to digest them.

It might not be the cause for him - but it's an easy thing to look into and easy to avoid whatever foods are on the FODMAP list. Already with what you've mentioned about his diet, it sounds like a he's very high FODMAP. Just a thought.

Probably both his diet and just being stuck in a rut. Probably needs a kick up the arse on both points so that he realises how it's affecting everyone else
He might feel sorry for himself, but needs to know there are others involved.

That sleep disruption can lead anyone to burnout, for sure. He might be experiencing exactly that. Finding a way to sleep more could literally solve this (when he has a few days of sleep you say he's a lot better so this could be the issue).

OP he could also be in andropause, given his age, so get his testosterone levels tested. This is a very classic set of symptoms for andropause, so the test is worth it. Andropause can affect testosterone levels AND serotonin levels - serotonin is hard to test for but low mood, anxiety, fatigue, feeling stressed and overwhelmed are all symptoms and you can look into some great supplements to help with this. If it is andropause getting testosterone supplementation/lifestyle mgmt to mitigate it (just like hormone support in menopause) can be literally life-changing.

All of this could potentially be exacerbated by mineral and vitamin insufficiency due to being vegan so it's worth either testing levels (ideal) or (at minimum) beginning with generic multivitamin and multimineral supplements to see if he feels a difference.

I'm a personal trainer and I specialise in burnout and menopause, and have treated andropausal clients too - this pattern often emerges in men around your husbands age (I joined Mumsnet to post this btw!).

He is vegan

It could be something to do with this. Vegans do have to be careful to make sure they are getting the right nutrients. He could be deficient in B12, iron, D.

I'm not a vegan and when I was feeling liee that it turned out I had a severe deficiency of vitamin D. I live in a village in the mountains which gets very little sun during the winter. Supplements from October to March sorted it out.

Get him to go to the doctor to get bloods done.

He needs a full blood work up really.

I went to the doctors and because my exhaustion lasted longer than 6 months, they went down the CFS route, and ordered every blood test under the sun so they can start ruling other things out first.

They did a really comprehensive test of my cortisol, vitamin levels, blood count, blood pressure, thryroid, diabetes check up, and talked over the ways it's impacting my ability to function day to day.

I did explain I have an autistic child with sleep issues and so I'd been putting off coming for the past year, because I didn't know whether the exhaustion was just purely related to having a poor sleeping child or whether there was something else wrong with me, but they were extremely kind in explaining that it's better to make sure there's no underlying medical condition than just assume that there wasn't.

I would bet that it's to do with his diet, but let the numbers decide that rather than just guessing.

3 times a night waking is quite a lot.I think if you can sort this it would help.Is he at School.My friends LO often woke but it improved after he started .Also agree with others re vegan diet.Some sort of supplement would help .Maybe check with the Chemist and see if they can recommend anything to help