DM didn't call me or get me a present for my birthday

Adult birthdays do matter, if they have always mattered. My Dad would always call me on my birthday. I had no expectation of gifts or cards but a phone call would be a bare minimum.

OP I would leave it a couple of days and then have a conversation to find out if everything is OK, maybe there is something else going on e.g. you irritated her and the lack of birthday day communication is payback

I know - they are so joyless! You are now an adult -
no fun or silliness for you. And you will soon be dead 😂

YANBU OP - I would be so disappointed if my mum did this on my birthday

I seriously wonder about some people on this site.

You think a mother ringing their adult child on their birthday is "very odd". WTAF

I dont know anyone who wouldnt ring their kid to wish them a happy birthday. What kind of mean spirited, weird people do you know? 😳

My mother forgets every year about my birthday. Usually my DD has to message her to tell her she’s forgotten. I find it quite upsetting. She never forgets anyone else’s birthday.

Agree 100%

Given that in previous years she has been more invested in how she treats you on your birthday, I would say that something has happened that has caused her to do the very basic necessities for your birthday.

It’s not been downgraded because of finances and besides she could have phoned you if that was the case.

I imagine that it’s a perceived slight that she has caused some distance between you and rather than address what it is you have supposedly said or done that has caused offence she has chosen not to be so effusive about your birthday but still acknowledging it!

Usually these things arise because of something petty, so you should take the direct approach and ask her.

Although I agree it’s odd that she didn’t call you, you should definitely call her. Just in the last month I’ve had a courier parcel go missing, and a posted letter turn up 2 weeks late. She might have sent something. In any case, just checking nothing had gone astray could be a good way to open up a conversation.

There’s a possibility that she sent something that wasn’t delivered, things often seem to be going to the wrong address these days. If it’s really out of character are you sure she’s okay? Otherwise it’s slightly upsetting but I would just forget it and see if she’s still her normal self when you next see her.

Sorry to hear this OP. I can see how that would be hurtful.

Two weeks ago on my birthday my dad wished my sister happy birthday on family WhatsApp group except that it was my birthday (sister born in February). After which my mum just wrote “well happy birthday from all of us” to me. That’s all I’ve got.

Families can be difficult.

If it's not normal behaviour, then I would mostly be concerned as to why, I think?

Although as you have gone straight to being upset by her lack of effort, I am wondering if it isn't really out of character?

(My parents never do more than send an impersonal card for my birthday. This is, however, entirely indicative of the state of our relationship).

I am late forties and my dad never said happy birthday to me unless he was reminded by someone. Last year he said he doesn’t know when my birthday is. No dementia or similar issues. Just him being a c**t.

Does the op know your child, why would that piss her off? She can be empathetic of course as I am - that is poor.

On a side note I think we should rename mumsnet - Race to the bottom.

I can’t imagine not wishing either of my middle aged DC happy birthday, or not buying them something, or any of the DGC. They do the same for me.

Happy Birthday @Mustardmummy 💐

Why would you agree no presents but still expect one? 🤔

Why would the OP be pissed off about your 9 year old who she doesn't know not getting a call from her grandma?

So have you asked her why she didn’t ring or give you a gift?

My DD was 9 yesterday and her grandma on her Dad’s side didn’t send a card or even call her. Now that’s something to be pissed off about OP.

I am struggling to find the words in the op where she says - despite me and my mother agreeing last year no presents I still expected one - that's probably because it's not in the original op as they , unlike you, haven't made that agreement.

Oh yes they are!

No suprise the joyless "adults don't need birthdays" and "why do you expect a phonecall from your mum +head tilt+ how odd!" brigade are out.

I get you OP, my mam usually makes a fuss on my birthday so if she suddenly went very generic and low effort I'd wonder what I'd done wrong too.

It's poor effort for your child. Yes she has thought, she's thought what's the minimum I can get away with.

Op yes that is rubbish, I'd say match her energy if you are putting more in than she is.

If my DM didn't call me on my birthday, it would be odd and likewise me. Getting a present and a card is normal between us. It's a day of celebration FGS.

If this is out of character I would worry that she wasn’t well. Can you check with your dad if you don’t want to talk to her directly

Same here, nor do my kidults give to me as we all agreed no cards, presents. It's no big deal.

Sorry to hear this OP. I would expect a call from my parents to wish me on my bday and I would definitely call my kids on their bday to wish them! Doesn't need to be a full on 1 hour conversation just a quick happy bday, have a great day/hope you had a great day if it's an evening call.

Why would pp say just because you're an adult, birthdays are now irrelevant! As a parent you never forget the day your kids are born and as a parent you should continue to make your child feel special no matter their age!

But besides the point and yes maybe you should mention it to your mum and say thanks for the card. If she doesn't live far maybe suggest a lunch together to celebrate (if it's not too late after the day of your bday that is).

Talking from my experience, my siblings and I and our respective kids always do a little bday thing with our parents. Not necessarily on the day but on the weekend around it. So I think it is weird for people to say it is normal not to hear from your parents on the day of your bday.