Page 3 | I’ve been married twice and didn’t ask either MIL to my hen do

Parker231 · 15/11/2025 09:58

NotNowMrTumble · 15/11/2025 07:51

Frankly, it didn’t occur to me.

My hen parties were for my bridesmaids, friends and my close family members.

WIBU?

My DMil is a special part of my family so she was invited along with my DSil and members of my family.

Tryingatleast · 15/11/2025 09:58

I regret not inviting mil and sil- I think we would have had a laugh, I didn’t ask dm either and feel the same- the older crowd could have gone home early. I think when you’re young you’re looking at the party aspect and not see it’s a nice way to start things and join the families.

NigelForage · 15/11/2025 09:57

I wasn't invited to my gorgeous DIL and def did not want to go!

GCAcademic · 15/11/2025 09:57

It’s perfectly OK not to invite your future MIL to your hen night, imo, but only if the future FIL isn’t invited to the stag night. Both families need to be treated equally.

NigelForage · 15/11/2025 09:56

I hate being on a hen thing with mums. Or did .

Ddakji · 15/11/2025 09:55

Didimum · 15/11/2025 09:51

I was quite young at the time, so hadn’t been to another hen, but it ‘seemed’ normal and my sister’s friends viewed it as normal, as did mum and the MIL.

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Interesting. Like I said, it wasn’t the norm among my friends at the time. Would simply have never occurred to us!

MannersAreAll · 15/11/2025 09:53

I think inciting several of the grooms family, but not his mum is always going to cause trouble. Especially when there was already tension there after telling her she wasn't allowed to wear the dress she'd bought.

Didimum · 15/11/2025 09:51

Ddakji · 15/11/2025 09:46

Thank you for your anecdote. Was taking your mum/MIL the norm?

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I was quite young at the time, so hadn’t been to another hen, but it ‘seemed’ normal and my sister’s friends viewed it as normal, as did mum and the MIL.

Ddakji · 15/11/2025 09:46

Didimum · 15/11/2025 09:29

My sister got married in the 90s, and mum and her MIL were invited. And that was a night out in a bar with a stripper.

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Thank you for your anecdote. Was taking your mum/MIL the norm?

Topseyt123 · 15/11/2025 09:37

Rocknrollstar · 15/11/2025 09:14

Speaking as a MiL I was upset not to be invited to the hen do or to see wedding dress or to bridesmaids dress fittings (DD wanted me there).

Why would you expect to be invited to any of that by your DIL? Your own DD maybe, but not your DIL, she might want her own mother though.

Not your party, not your business.

Roverbarks · 15/11/2025 09:36

AliceMaforethought · 15/11/2025 09:34

Why? It's people who are close to the bride. So many entitled MILs these days.

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Exactly - it’s the bride’s event, not a wedding event that both sides need to be invited to.

Topseyt123 · 15/11/2025 09:34

I didn't even have a hen do when we got married over 30 years ago. Didn't want one.

If I had wanted one then it would just have been me and a few friends. My mother wouldn't have come, she'd already said that. My MIL? I don't think she would have been interested and although we got on well enough it wasn't the easiest of relationships.

Personally, I don't see why a mum or a MIL would expect or even want to be invited to a hen do, but clearly some do expect it. Horses for courses I guess.

Of course everyone was invited to our wedding, and all came. My mother even made my wedding dress and the bridesmaids' dresses.

It was fabulous. There were no issues.

UnderTheStarryNight · 15/11/2025 09:34

I asked my MIL to my hen do but she was on holiday so we had a pre-party dinner instead. Shame but the holiday had been booked way before the hen party 🤷‍♀️

AliceMaforethought · 15/11/2025 09:34

GehenSieweiter · 15/11/2025 09:25

Both mums or no mums, not just one, presuming they're both still alive and well. If there's a step mum on either side then I'd consider her too, especially if she's been decent to you when you've met her.
I will add that I didn't have a hen do, and am not overly keen on them, but the above approach seems fair.

Edited

Why? It's people who are close to the bride. So many entitled MILs these days.

MyballsareSandy2015 · 15/11/2025 09:32

I got married in the 90s … had a weekend away with close friends and then a meal out with my mum, MIL and aunties etc.

I think there’s far more to the HR furore!

Didimum · 15/11/2025 09:29

Ddakji · 15/11/2025 09:26

When did it become a thing that mums and/or MILs were invited to hen dos? I was first married in the 90s and went to a few hen parties then and there were no mums to be seen! It was the bride, her bridesmaids and assorted pals having a party.

My sister got married in the 90s, and mum and her MIL were invited. And that was a night out in a bar with a stripper.

Didimum · 15/11/2025 09:28

I’ve also been married twice and invited MIL both times. I considered them both close family. They offered to help with any wedding purchases or planning, in the years before they had both been there in hours of need, cooked for me, bought me gifts, helped with DIY and gardening. They were part of my support network.

Ddakji · 15/11/2025 09:26

When did it become a thing that mums and/or MILs were invited to hen dos? I was first married in the 90s and went to a few hen parties then and there were no mums to be seen! It was the bride, her bridesmaids and assorted pals having a party.

GCAcademic · 15/11/2025 09:26

Did you father go to your fiancé’s stag do?

GehenSieweiter · 15/11/2025 09:25

Both mums or no mums, not just one, presuming they're both still alive and well. If there's a step mum on either side then I'd consider her too, especially if she's been decent to you when you've met her.
I will add that I didn't have a hen do, and am not overly keen on them, but the above approach seems fair.

Bushmillsbabe · 15/11/2025 09:24

Same. Neither my mum or MIL came to my hen do. I did take them both out for a christmas afternoon tea wreath making thing after the wedding to thank for all their help, but didn't occur to invite to my hen do and they had no issue with this.

My brother's girlfriend (now wife) on the other hand kept dropping hints about coming but we don't get on so I didn't want her there. She is a very 'preachy' person and I really didn't want her moaning at the group about the impact of plastic bubbly glasses on the environment or that a drink may not have been organic! I went to hers and it was pure torture, all her friends were 'ceos of start ups' (ran a market stall selling juices) or campaigners for 'important causes' or artists or other 'creatives'. When I told them I was an NHS physio, their response was 'how.....traditional. That must be very......erm......rewarding'

GreyCarpet · 15/11/2025 09:24

I didn't have a hen do.

No one has to do anything.

It's personal choice.

JustTakeTheCakeJake · 15/11/2025 09:22

I didn't invite my Mum or MIL. None of my friends did.
Of course everyone was invited to the wedding.

AliceMaforethought · 15/11/2025 09:20

Rocknrollstar · 15/11/2025 09:14

Speaking as a MiL I was upset not to be invited to the hen do or to see wedding dress or to bridesmaids dress fittings (DD wanted me there).

Why? If you had been invited to your daughter's, why did you need to crash your DIL's who presumably wanted her own mother there? How entitled.

Butchyrestingface · 15/11/2025 09:20

I’ve never been married. Do men typically invite their soon-to-be male in-laws to their stag dos?