I’ve been married twice and didn’t ask either MIL to my hen do

There is clearly more to this story than a hen do. His mum is very different to her’s so you can see how it happened. Complete culture clash. I certainly didn’t ask my MIL on my hen do (so not her thing), but neither did I invite my step mum (I lost my mum a few years prior to the wedding). It just wasn’t a thing with my friends twenty odd years ago. It really depends on your relationships and what you are doing. My DH went on DSS’s stag, as did DSS’s step dad. DSD didn’t have any parents (or steps) on her hen.

I wouldn’t expect to be invited as a MIL either.

But this is a perfect example of the kinds of posts that are unnecessarily mean. Just why? And where is the entitlement? The poster was upset she wasn’t invited. Ok. Fine. She didn’t say she demanded to be invited. She didn’t say she asked to be invited. And why on earth the dig about her son? Jesus! I’m genuinely curious as to what motivated you to post what you did.

I married in the 80s and didn't invite my mother or MIL to my Hen's night. This was a night out with my four closest friends.

I have four sons, so I'm trying my hardest to be a good MIL.

My eldest son got married this year and my now DIL had a lovely weekend of events for her hens. I received an invite, but I'm not socially inept, so I knew I wasn't supposed to be at all parts of the weekend. 😎

Events ranged from paint and sip, a big night out, games, a high tea and a breakfast.

I contacted her lovely maid of honor and asked which parts of the weekend would be most appropriate for me to attend. In the end I went to the high tea and the casual breakfast. It was lovely to be included, but also not to intrude on the 'real fun' where I'm sure the bride to be and her friends let their hair down a bit. I really did feel very honored to be included, it was lovely.

My daughter didn’t invite me ( or her future mil) to her hen do, nor did I expect her to! I was however involved in most other aspects ( including dress choosing) at her request.
I wasn’t arranging her wedding…. She and her fiancé did all that as they had been living together for some time. I was not in the least put out. I even put up with my ex husband’s partner ( whom he left me for) for the actual day! I was totally nice to her!

I maybe missing something, I didn’t think it was the norm to invite your mil to the hen, I certainly didn’t invite mine, but then we didn’t invite her to the wedding either as we got married abroad, she asked to come and we said no.

Nope, didn’t invite my husband’s Mum or sister to mine.

That said, I wouldn’t willingly invite them to anything!

I wasn’t invited to hen do nor was MIL, we were supposed to go to an afternoon tea instead but that never happened. In the dress hunting period I encouraged DD to include MIL & they were together when ‘the one’ was found 😁

It’s a very personal thing that will vary hugely from situation to situation, no hard and fast answer.
It will depend how close the bride is to mil, age/health of mil, the nature of the hen do, budget etc…
Some people do a quieter, more sedate function for older relatives or eg lunch or afternoon tea with a few drinks, and a more rowdy night out later or a weekend away for friends etc….
Its really up to you.

I didn't invite either my mother or mother in law on my hen party. I don't think it's appropriate to invite them it's a night out with yoru friends and letting your hair down. I did afternoon tea for both my mother in law and mother instead. it was more appropriate and they really enjoyed it
@Rocknrollstar what on earth made you think that you would go to your daughter in law to pick her dress? nor bridesmaids dress - nothing to do with you. just to note for my own wedding I picked my dress on my own brought a friend to see it just to be sure. bridesmaid dresses were bought on line. no one saw my wedding dress apart from my friend tull day of wedding. it had nothing to do with anyone bar me

This decision, which has caused all the issues we have read about. Does nobody consider or care about anyone’s feelings anymore?🤔

Regarding the wider story, it looks like Adam is marrying the whole family rather than Holly. I’d be miffed if he was my son 😢

When your DD gets married do you want to share dress choosing and other intimate moments with her MIL?
You sound entitled ‘I was upset’. Concentrate on your son. Go with him to his suit fittings (I bet you weren’t invited to those either).

When my eldest got married she invited me and her future M I L to it. She gets on well with her, as do I, and for various reasons her M I L stayed with her for considerable lengths of time over the years, both pre and post wedding. There were daytime activities and an evening based around drinking activities which is not my thing as I don't drink. I went home, MIL stayed and partied on! Fine by me.
Second daughter, similar thing although her M I L and family live in Ireland so logistically they couldn't go, although I think she invited them. Again, daytime activities and drinking in the evening, I went home.

Maybe they just want to relax and get drunk with good friends rather than in front of someone they are not close to/not fond of/don’t want them to hear things they talk about? It’s really NOT hard to imagine that someone may not want either Mum or MIL to a night out! Doesn’t need to be a stripper

I’m married twice. I didn’t have a hen do. I went out for a drink and a meal with a few friends before my first wedding but did nothing 2nd time around. I also bought both my dresses on my own.

I didn’t invite my mother or my MIL couldn’t think of anything worse and I get on with them both.

I always suspect that when in laws are expressly not invited to hen parties, that there's going to be a stripper involved and the hen is going to get up to no good with him! Why the secrecy otherwise?!

Did you miss the 'or no mums' part?

Ha ha ha.

I travelled 4 hours to my friends hen do 25 years ago. She’d invited her mum, MIL, various aunties. It was so boring and everyone was on their best behaviour. Wish I hadn’t bothered.

I didn’t invite my mum or Mil but it was a silly/boozy do with friends in a different city and neither would have enjoyed it.

In hindsight I suspect my MIL may have been disappointed as she’s been invited to all her nieces hen dos and attended. These events have felt purposely created to include multi generations- which is lovely - but I remember secretly hoping the bride to bes got a night out or whatever they ACTUALLY wanted to do with their friends too. Their big family hen do parties were like a lot of family dos where the younger ones look after the elders (quite right, not debating this) but there was zero relaxation, pampering etc for the brides, they were “on duty” as per usual.

Speaking as a MIL, I didn't expect to attend the Hen. I didn't think the bridal party frocks were anything to do with me, except to ask what the MoB was wearing so I didn't duplicate or colour clash. DIL's parents sorted the wedding arrangements.

I hope to be invited to dd's dress chosing/fittings because we are close and I'll pay for it. I hope she doesn't want me to go to the Hen.

Oh I did this I didn’t invite my mum & I felt terrible afterwards 🙈

Ive been on 6 hen parties and had my own. Ive never known a mother or mother in law go.

I didn't invite my mum or my MIL to my hen do.