Childminders at soft play

This is why I’d never use a child minder absolutely no regulation and relying on one person …. Nursey setting is much more professional and you know there are a number of workers there. Even if one isn’t very good there are others xx

It's not a popular view but I agree with this.
An institutional environment is not ideal for babies and very small children.

Sad also, because you will be passing an odious responsibility onto someone else who may well think similarly, doesn’t even love your child because it isn’t theirs, and is only doing it for the money or for access to someone vulnerable.

It blows my mind when people on Mumsnet recommend childminders as a home from home environment and preferable to nurseries for babies. You can spot a childminder a mile off at a soft play centre/library/church run group in my local area.

All the childminders I have seen out and about have been great, playing with the children in the park and chatting to them as they walk next to them.. Whereas I have been shocked by the nursery workers I have seen with groups of children they have taken to a green space, small children ignored while nursery workers chat, small children walked together in a long chain, one toddler fell over and was pulled up using the pack on their back.
Experiences are different, there are some excellent childminders and some terrible nurseries and vice versa.

I understand not everyone thrives as a full time parent but to say it sounds like hell on earth is rather sad.

It’s nothing to do with what you remember. There is a great body of research showing that it’s best for a parent, ideally the mother, to stay home with a child until around age 3. Author Erica Komisar has written some great pieces on this. In summary:

• The first three years are critical for emotional development. Babies rely heavily on one primary caregiver for consistent comfort and regulation of stress.
• Secure attachment forms through constant, predictable presence.
• A parent’s presence helps regulate cortisol (stress hormone). Young children aren’t neurologically equipped to handle long periods away from their primary caregiver.
• This early emotional foundation affects long-term mental health. Early caregiver consistency is linked to resilience, empathy, and reduced anxiety later in life.

Continues, nurturing care from a primary caregiver in the earliest years best supports healthy emotional and neurological development.

Apart from that, I would not leave a young non-verbal baby/child in someone else’s care (apart from trusted family members). There are too many cases of abuse in childcare nowadays.

How would you know if they were childminders or inattentive mums though?

One of the things that made me like my childminder was how attentive she was to the kids at baby groups - but because she was so attentive and only had a couple of kids - everyone assumed they were her actual children (and still do assume that when she goes to groups)

Ahh yes. Whyyyyy have children if you leave them with strangers? Will no one think of the children…?

My SIL as an ex early years teacher is a fabulous childminder, they have a purpose built playhouse in the garden and everything and she plans themed activities around the EYFS curriculum daily. But she’ll only take them up to age 3, no school runs. I think if you have a childminder like that close by you’re very lucky indeed.

Exactly. Doing the childminder’s school run every day? No thanks.

We do softplay during the week a lot and I’ve seen this loads too. I feel like there’s a large number of childminders who do the job because it enables them to stay home with their own child and get paid for it effectively, but you can tell they can’t really be bothered with the other children. Just what I’ve seen from my own personal experience.

I'm the same. Wait for the cries though of from the"If you don't want to spend time with your children, why have them?" brigade!

I used to observe this all the time when I did the playgroups and soft play circuit while I was on maternity leave. There were ten childminders who were there everyday. Probably four of them interacted with their charges in a lovely way. The others were disinterested and verging on neglectful. I noticed that the childminders aged 40 plus were far more engaged.

Of course childcare is a necessity. I don’t want to be at home full time. I want to work FT. Good well regulated childcare is safe and beneficial

Can't be bothered to read 6 more pages of responses but my reply was a response to the question about how the OP saw what was happening, not a comment on what the childminders were doing. No I'd not expect a childminder to trail a 4 year old either and that's why I didn't say that.

Absolutely! There is no substitute for a child between 0/3 to be with a loving & caring parent. Nurseries/childminders are used out of necessity.

This is the main reason I don’t think they should not be allowed to be honest. How people are comfortable using them knowing that safeguarding is pretty much non existent is beyond me.

Never forget seeing the horrible cow of a childminder near us picking up the tinies from school, she would walk in front of them not holding their hands and sniping at them to 'hurry up', nasty horrible cow, and like a PP has said if she was happy to behave like that in public wtf, was she like with them in private.

I think the fact you can barely remember anything before you were 3 is kind of the point - what happens to you between the ages of 0-3 has a colossal impact on your brain, social and emotional development, but you do not have the capacity to clearly communicate issues to others at that age, and despite what happened to you affecting your future development and mental health, you won’t remember clearly what happened to you to even be able to share adverse experiences with others later on. It’s what makes very small children so incredibly vulnerable.

My friend is a CM and I would say she is brilliant at it. She came to it in her 40s and it was always something she wanted to do, she sits and does activities with the children all day.

However I also want to many different playgroups with DD and the CM were awful. You could tell they disliked the children, hated it when they came and spoke to them. I never even considered one so sent DD to nursery. The staff there were a mixed bag, some were amazing and some okay so hopefully balanced out. I know on here is that CM are a ‘home from home’ and I think like my friend, is probably true, I think a lot of them are faking it for the parents.
My friend was briefly one when her children were small, she had a massive waiting list, parents loved her, very highly rated. She hated it, she hated the kids, she needed the money though. The moment her youngest went to school she stopped. She’s one of my oldest friend and I wouldn’t have used her.

exactly! Not to mention who is in and out of their house while your kids are there!

Nursery or childminder, you can never be certain of the care someone is providing to the most vulnerable members of our society, that’s just a fact. Mostly, the care is at the very least adequate, sometimes warm and caring, but even in nurseries it would appear that severe abuse is perfectly possible, bearing in mind yesterday’s rape conviction of the nursery worker Thomas Waller, or the conviction of Roksana Lecker for the sadistic abuse of multiple babies in September, or Kate Roughley, last year - the nursery worker who suffocated a baby by leaving her strapped to a beanbag.

As for soft play, at least that's in a public venue and, tbh, is a place that many people resort to when they feel in need of a bit of a break and the company of other adults somewhere that they think the child in their care will be relatively safe and entertained; better that than sticking them in a pen at home while they scroll on their phone, unseen and unjudged by anyone. Being a bit inattentive at soft play does not automatically mean these people are just the same at home, it can just be the case that nobody can provide undivided attention and all singing and dancing entertainment for children without a break for an entire day. Obviously, the better childminders will be more community minded and will help each other ensure that adequate attention is paid to all of their children if they meet together in a group at soft play to decompress but, tbh, society is not particularly community minded in the modern era, we have all become massively more individualistic and self-centred, so it’s hardly surprising this is reflected in childcare practices.

I've had 3 kids, been a parent for over 7rs, always taking them out and about to playgroups and things - and I feel the same as you. Actually sadly I've never seen any I would be happy with. I'm sure there must be some really good ones but I've never witnessed one.

Have met a couple of amazing nannies though, and aware that I may have seen even more of these without realising they're a nanny and not a relative.

Spending time with my kids yes. Spending all day everyday with them when having no money to do anything. Hell no

BAnd why 3? I can't remember barely anything before I was 3