Childminders at soft play

CM or parent, this was my experience of soft play or similar places back in the day.

If anyone was actually playing with their child/ children, half of the room would latch on to that adult. Was quite sad really!

Some adults seem surgically attached to their seats at these places.

I see similar in the Library I go to.

I don’t need a childcare setting to replicate a family. I need to know my children are being cared for, their needs met and being given appropriate stimulation, food and drink.

If that’s happening and the adults want to have a chat, please do.

But not at the expense of my child, please.

Oh my fucking God!

Yes, I spent a good 8 years in play centres, toddler groups and other kid places and saw some shocking childminders. From toddlers/kids being left unsupervised doing some really dangerous things to shockingly OTT punishments of misbehaving little ones. Made me so sad for the children and the parents who were trusting these people. I'm sure there are lots of lovely, caring, conscientious childminders but I didn't see many!

Same, we picked a childminder who had fantastic reviews - I came to pick up early one day as my work building closed early for an emergency, let myself in through the coded side gate as we were asked to do for pick up and found my 2 year old strapped into a car seat on the floor with no adults present in the building apart from the childminders 90 year old mum who could barely walk. She arrived back 10 mins later shocked to find me there and had the nerve to tell me off for not messaging to say I was doing an early pick up! I reported to ofsted but nothing was done.

Ooh goody! We havent have one of these threads this week. I think it's important to not assume not all cms are the same. Indeed some people havent even realised I'm a cm until I tell them.

I'm a childminder and I have 2 cm friends i do most outings with. We rarely go to soft play or playgroups but when we do it's a mix of having a catch up, including about the children sometimes (X's mum wants to potty train next week, Y's dad has a new job so she's doing an extra day) but it's not slagging them off at all, just conversation about our work). And then the rest of the time we spread ourselves around the soft play, playing and watching our and each other's children because thats helpful and the children all know us all very well.

I think if you saw the snippet of us sitting having a drink and talking you might draw a terrible conclusion (?) that if we do that in public what must we be doing behind closed doors? Well I'll be feeding them lunch, changing nappies, rocking babies to sleep, playing games, setting up crafts, tidying the playroom, reading stories, singing nursery rhymes...

At soft play they go off and burn some energy and play with friends. I watch them so carefully, I always pick them up and cuddle when they cry, maybe have one sitting on my knee if they dont want to play and shock, I might even have a piece of cake and a cup of tea! I have to eat, I work 8-6 with no one to take the children for an hour whilst I have lunch.

I think a good barometer is would I change if one of my parents was there watching me? (This has actually happened before). No I wouldn't. I'm confident I strike a good balance between interacting and monitoring them and standing back and observing, letting them play and investigate. I should also say this is for my older ones. The baby would always be with me.

I have found the same whenever the childminders meet up with each other in these kinds of spaces. Very much looks like a social for them rather than watching the kids closely. Then again I know I've been guilty as a mum of taking my eye off the ball a bit on the few times I've been in a big group of mums at these things, but childminders are being paid hard earned money to care for the kids so yes it's not acceptable.

People are so addicted to phones :(

It's a hard profession, I certainly couldn't watch that many children and give each one exactly what they need, but it is hard to see when you know there's a working parent out there paying for care for their kids who might not be getting the attention they need.

I was at a park with my son and a childminder had her hands so full with three toddlers that the fourth was just strapped crying in his pram. That cry that cuts through you, so I got chatting to her and she was so dismissive of him! Said how he was whingy and had been premature so wasn't walking yet like the others, broke my heart tbh.

Omg nurseries are no better!! Don't kid yourself that they don't photograph a 5 minute activity and the rest of the time the staff are chatting to each other.

Honestly, no form of childcare is perfect. I had a childminder who wasn't like this at all. I chose her after seeing her every week at a local toddler group.

She was not perfect BUT

• she was consistent. Friends with kids in nursery had as many as 4 or 5 key workers between the ages of 1 & 4. Often their key worker wasn't even in some of the days they were. The nurseries also often paid lip service to what a key person relationship is there to be, that children need for healthy attachment.
• she had smaller numbers & mixed age ranges. lots of nurseries have a baby room/tween room/preschool structure with as many as 10 kids in room. This is terrible and doesn't mimic what happens in a family. Its done because its more cost effective than working out ratios with mixed age ranges. A normal mum doesn't have 3 babies to look after. Three babies all have similar needs. Its more effective to have mixed age ranges as one person can better meet the needs of a baby plus toddler plus older child - you can be holding baby, interacting with toddler and chatting to older child, but you can't hold 3 babies at once. My kids got far more space and attention in a home environment and the cm had to deliver the same EYFS curriculum a nursery does

I’ve been to a stay and play where there were a few like this. Rocked up with their multi-berth prams, plonked themselves in a corner and ignored the kids. Once when one fell over I got to her first and gave comfort while looking around for whoever it was was with her - CM finally got there rolling her eyes that child was crying. Awful really that a completely stranger was more likely to give comfort.

I have friends who have been quite sneering of using nurseries because they use CMs who are much more personal. I don’t know if it’s because the most well-used one at my primary was roundly hated, but I could never get my head round it.

I had a childminder who tutored my disabled son (paid for by LA) and I found out she basically just gave him her personal phone for hours every week and he watched YouTube.

Yup, I've witnessed this too. Not nice, and very much a factor in me using a nursery.

I ended up having to use a childminder for after-school because the school's club had no places, and I was not keen even for an older child. Thankfully the one we use seems lovely and I've never heard or seen anything that concerned me. But I did mention that I'd seen childminders at the local soft play who ignored their charges and she was very defensive about it.

I used to run a couple of local playgroups and man, some of the childminders who used to bring children were not people I would have left my dc with. We had quite a few accidents (little ones falling from slides etc, paint/glue incidents), and it was always the children who were with the childminders who would bring them in, then just sit in a corner and not supervise them at all.

A few of them would also regularly try to sneak in the back door so they wouldn’t have to pay for the 2/3 children they brought with them.

I’ve seen that on our local FB page too @AuntieHistamine. I feel so sorry for the person who asked the question, but the CMs who I talked of above all recommend each other whenever any of them have a space. Glowing references because they want to keep their cushy life.

Well, I’m a nanny and certainly don’t think I’m ‘better’, but I am at work to do a job. I will caveat that my saying, I’m a lone wolf type character who does genuinely prefer the company of children to most adults, and I don’t seek out social interaction generally, (I suspect high functioning ND!) which is a big reason why I’ve chosen this particular area of the childcare profession. Some carers seem to need that chat and gossip or whatever they do with other adults in a way that I just don’t, but unfortunately as I’ve seen time and time again it comes at a big disadvantage to their charges.

Yes, some are only doing it for a financial goal to like a new car or holiday so can finish caring any time.

Yup. Nursery all the way!

I suppose when all is said and done it's just a job to them, and just as you get great shop assistants etc you also get useless, disinterested ones. Just because it's childminding doesn't mean anything. It's just a source of income to them.

It’s strange she could say that to a stranger but not her own son/daughter and son/daughter in law, though.

Some people like to feel beleaguered and exhausted by others’ unreasonable demands. It puts them in the position of helpless victim.

I do agree a lot of childminders are championed by parents who have no idea what they are like.

Totally common. Same round my way. Getting paid to sit around chatting to your mates, spend 5 mins doing a craft and take a photo, back to chatting. Your clients can’t tell on you. I’d never use one.
caveat - I’m sure there’s awesome childminders out there, I think we just bump in to the shit ones more often as they’re at play groups etc where they can do this.

Not uncommon unfortunately. In my town there are 2 amazing childminders and 5 who frankly I don't know why they do the job.

Not surprisingly the 2 amazing ones have a big waiting list!

Missing the point!

I also think a lot of the parents of these children have no idea how crap the childminders are too. Our local Facebook page often has people asking for recommendations of childminders and time and time again I see the same ones recommended as being ‘amazing’ and ‘wonderful’ and I can see it’s these women who go groups, sit down and ignore the kids, complain about the parents, make horrible comments when one of the children needs help with something ‘for fucks sake what does he want now’ type comments.

Quite a few times my daughter has had toys snatched or been pushed aggressively by a child and I look round to see if anyone is going to stop their child behaving like this and they haven’t noticed so I have to deal with it myself. Often the leader of a group has to take a child by the hand and walk them back over to their minder and say they they need to stop throwing things/ hitting the other kids etc and the childminders just look pissed off that their chat has been interrupted.

Just shockingly poor ‘childcare’ if I was paying for my child to be looked after I’d expect a much better standard of care than this and I think the majority of parents who use these childminders are oblivious.

And bugger off early so they don't have to help with tidying up at the one I used to go to!