Husband advice

Not being unreasonable to want him to pull his weight but yes unreasonable to want more children when he doesn't

Having 6, or even 4 children when both parents are not 100% on board with it is nothing short of selfish. I was one of 6 children and saw my parents struggle for years. I also ended up raising myself a lot of the time, and it’s no fucking picnic, I can assure you.
What happens if you have all those children and you die? Become incapacitated? Or he does? I am not surprised he isn’t motivated, because if I was him, the idea of having to work to support all those kids for the next 25 years AND care for them in the event you died would possibly terrify me into a stupor too.
Just raise the 3 you have (which is already a large family by modern standards) and give them opportunities they will absolutely NOT have if you double their number. Support your husband and yourself by planning to go into work of some description once your youngest is old enough and then ensure he gets his act together on the basis of that agreement and pulls his weight too. I suspect if you suddenly stopped talking about having 6 kids and told him you’re finished having them, he might be more inclined to get off his arse and do more to raise them practically, rather than just financially.

This isn’t about you just expecting him to pull his weight and just get on board with YOUR plan, this is about you realising that marriage and parenting is a partnership, and you will need to be reasonable and compromise too.

Is he worried about money. Being the only person working with potentially 6 kids is eye watering. If you're a sahm then probably the majority of the day to day stay will fall to you. But yes he certainly should be stepping up when he's not working.

Maybe sort yourselves out with the kids you have before bring more into your family.

Also 6 kids the finances bigger car, bigger house, Christmas etc etc. Major financial burden. He maybe has an amazing salary. Good luck

Going against the grain here but you sound extremely selfish. It sounds like you are just using her DH as a sperm donor and a bank. Do you and DH spend and quality time together as a couple?

I'd love to know how he's a "great husband and dad" when he seems to have entirely checked out.

I think the most important thing to remember OP is that there kids you still ant to have are to the husband you have, not the husband you’d like to have in an ideal world. He’s shown you what he’s willing to contribute; plan your future accordingly

In my experience husband's who do naff all will continue to

Just wow. I think your incredibly selfish to be pushing for more than 4 kids. Listen to your husband and take in his account. So many people can't have children and your kicking off over the fact your not getting your own way!

(If this post is real)
I think you need to be adult about this and stop trying for more children when one half of your partnership is telling you that they feel what you have is more than enough.

you don’t feel he’s pulling his weight, you feel you do all the work… so why make more work. Maybe he envisages that life should have more downtime outside of work than just nappies and childcare. Maybe he has some other aspirations, maybe it feels a lot funding the lifestyle you have chosen maybe he is worried about what would happen if one of you became ill or he lost his job or God forbid you had a poorly child in the mix. you need to communicate about this properly.

This!
Providing for a family of 5 in not an easy task! let alone a family of 6.. or 8!
That is a serious amount of pressure.

Yet another posting making it a competition who has it harder, I'm a SAHM but appreciate that work is still tiring and stressful, some people cope better with sleep than others.

There are far more factors involved in having more children, increased cost, bigger car, holidays etc. I don't people should bring children into this world unless both parents are in agreement.

I've had 5 and believe me as much as I don't regret having them I honestly wish I'd been in a better situation. I became a single parent to all of them when my marriage broke down. My ex husband worked a bare minimum of 24 hours a week and he started to leave all the parenting to me whilst I was out of work. I was looking for work but he made it near on impossible for me to even have job interviews as he checked out of parenting and wouldn't look after them even for me to have job interviews so there was no way I could rely on him to actually help with childcare if I were to work and financially contribute to the household. He even said he would quit his job once I found employment but that i would have to use paid childcare as he "wanted a break for once". Hence one of many reasons that he is an ex. I now work full time and use breakfast and after school clubs for my primary aged child in order for me to work rather than rely on benefits. Kind of went a bit off topic but honestly if hubby isn't going to do much parenting with the three kids you already have why would you think he's going to do anything different with a few more added to your family?

HRTFT. He's shown you who he is, why do you not believe him?

Plus, why 4 or 6 when you are moaning about your workload? I'm the child of a large family. DM never worked outside the home so DF had to work long hours seven days a week to support us.

If it hadn't been for the parentification of my elder siblings, I absolutely would have had a neglectful childhood. We still missed out emotionally, physically and financially and that only became more and more noticeable when looking at the way friends lived as we got older.

There weren't enough hours in a day to be supportive parents. We were never smacked, or abused in any way. My parents were not bad people. We simply didn't seem to exist as individuals. Apart from myself (I have 3DC, but there's a twelve and a half year gap between 1&3 and DH is very hands-on), my siblings are childfree (aged 40 plus) or have only children, which I think in itself is quite telling.

Yes, I'm probably projecting but just cooking, washing, shopping, bills, cleaning, etc. took most of DM's time. Imagine reading with us all each day, several extra-curricular activities and even one on one time. It never happened.

I could go on and on and on...

Having kids is often totally different from what people imagine. I've got several friends that wanted more than one kid but stopped after their first because it was much harder than they expected, or due to medical or fertility issues.

We agreed on two before having kids. I really wanted a third but my now ex didn't. I was gutted at the time but now looking back on it I realise it was my hormones over logic. I'm glad we didn't have a third even though I sometimes wonder what they would have been like. I'm now a single parent to two kids with autism (diagnosed after school age so wasn't a factor when cinsidering a third) and I would really have struggled with three.

We’d all like to have 6 kids but in the real world it’s just not affordable. Does his job facilitate supporting so many children?

Ridiculous amount of children on one wage (or at all).

Me must be a millionaire if he's the sole earner and you're planning 6 kids. If so, get a nanny, you can afford it.
If not, just stop. No one's needs 4,5 or 6 kids. 3 is plenty

I assume that your DH must earn an absolute fortune if you are planning to have six kids. Being the sole earner for such a large number of children would be pretty stressful.

Is he on board with your plan to have three more children? You'll need a massive house and you wouldn't be in a position to work and contribute financially for a very long time. If he isn't a particularly hands-on dad for three children, you would be kidding yourself if you think he will be better with double the amount of kids you have at the moment.

What example are you setting tho for 6 kids?! You’re setting yourself up for double the stress on your own. The kids need a better example than a frazzled mother and a father who can’t be arsed with them. Honestly I think you should have kids with someone else if it’s what you really want. It’s not fair on him either.

He isn't going to change. Stick with the 4 you have (or will have)

I don't think anybody should be pushed into having children they don't want, whether they are the mother or the father.

I think you’re nuts trying for a fourth child let alone six, when you’ll be the doing the bulk of parenting. Don’t do it!

Why do you want a 4th if you are finding it hard now?

Just take it one kid at a time....don't make plans for the future when you don't know what the future holds. I would also have liked more kids, but after 3 easy pregnancies, we had two miscarriages and a baby who almost died at birth and wasn't expected to survive. After all that trauma, I decided not to try again and we stopped at 4. Not trying to discourage you or say my experience will be yours, just saying more kids is hypothetical at this point, so see how it goes.

As far as more help/more involvement with current kids goes, ask you husband. Be specific...."Can you do the dishes while I put the baby to bed?" It might not occur to him to help as much as you'd like, but he should be willing to help if you ask. Discuss ways he can be building a better relationship with the other kids too - don't go in all accusatory, but gentle - but if he loves his kids he will listen to your concerns. He's your husband, you're both adults. You should be able to discuss these things.

Don’t have more children with him.

He’s not going to suddenly improve. Things will get worse. You will resent him more for not helping. He will resent you more for nagging.

He’s not a good husband or dad. If he was, he would be sharing the load equally. By that I mean if he works in his job 9am-5pm Mondays to Fridays (whilst you do housework / childcare over this time) then you both should be taking an equal role in housework and childcare including fun activities between 5pm and 9am Monday to Friday (or say between 6pm and 8am on days he goes into the office) and equal housework and childcare on the weekends.