Husband advice

I’m unsure why you want more children with a man who doesn’t pull his weight.
But what you need to do is write down the jobs together and then divide them up (fairly to allow for work/kids) his jobs are his responsibility,(ideally he should have jobs that don’t impact on the children’s day to day) then just don’t do his jobs . Eventually he will do them.

He is like this with 3 why on earth would you try for more? having children should not be a hobby, this would not be fair on the 3 you have now let alone anymore - advice? do not keep on TTC

It doesn't sound like he wants the 4th tbh. It sounds like he is being railroaded into it.

How will you get any sleep if you have more children? What happens when you need a well deserved break? How will you manage if you’re ill?

Are you actually thinking of the children?

You are thinking about what you want, but I was raised by a disinterested dad and I bloody resent him now, and I'm in my 50s and he is in his 90s.

Concentrate on tge kids you have and enjoy them.

Good grief, can he actually afford 6 children ?!!!

Are your cars big enough, do you own a large house ?

is his job totally totally secure and his income going to double in the next few years ? - as you want to double the children

Hey OP! I have 4, close in age. It's the best! But it does require two parents... if he is not doing his part maybe tell him it's not the time to have any more until X happens. I'd talk to him about improving his happiness. Tell him that you can see he is not happy, that he doesn't enjoy time with the kids or with you and that he seems unmotivated to do things that the family needs (such as doing his share around the house. Daily tasks are a burden to us all but as an adult he must do his part, imho). He could have a mental health issue, he should go to his GP. If he really wants a 4th kid maybe he'll be willing to do the work to make it happen.

Also, maybe read some pareting books together , or watch some parenting videos, that might help change the family dynamic [for us this 21 Days To A Happier Family] . You need to be on the same page in terms of parenting, he can't be stricter than you etc.

If this is real then having more children is very selfish.
He obviously doesnt cope with the 3 you already have.

This is ludicrous.

You want a ridiculous amount of children while at the same time complaining about his interactions with the ones you currently have? Wanting him to ‘step up’ and planning to add to this family is the height of selfishness and stupidity. You don’t need any more children. You need to do better with the ones you have. If you want all these kids, you’ll be doing everything for them, and he’ll be endlessly slaving away to pay for them all.

Why do people complicate their lives so needlessly and make bad situations worse?

Arguably more ridiculous on two wages to be honest, imagine a household where 2 people work and they have 4 kids? 😱

Wait, would we??? 😂

He's probably overwhelmed. 6 is a lot. Why cant you accept 3 or 4?

@InterestedDad37 said "...Now, three kids in, and you've got a piece of furniture for a husband."

Thanks! This was properly spit-my-drink-out funny. 😅

He's a great father but won't spend any time with his kids. He's a great husband but won't share the load. Raise your bar.

Would we all? I'd rather set myself on fire than have 6 kids.

You might have both planned 6 kids, but things change once the reality of parenting sets in. Children deserve to have both parents want them, engaged and interested in them. Your desire for a set amount of kids doesn't trump the needs of your children and their childhood experiences. If your husband is struggling now, he isn't going to suddenly become father of the year the more kids you pump out.

So many people want have this vision of a Walton esque large family. The OP would do well to read the numerous threads on here of people who grew up in large families with parents that couldn't cope or struggled with the large amount of children and the lasting impact it has had on them.

Sorry OP, this scenario can't end well. You're having kids with a man who isn't cut out for fatherhood and you want even more kids and for him to fund this massive family without any say so in it's size..

I'm not surprised he's in a depressive state and exhausted.

Will his job fund 8 people into the future? 6 kids at uni pretty much all at the same time? Teenagers are a LOT more expensive than small kids..I don't know how you can afford this ones you have but doubling the amount of kids is crazy. How are you going to transport and house 6 kids who are like steps of stairs in age?

You need to stop having endless kids, geg a job and share the load between you both earnings wise and domestic labour wise.

Otherwise he will up and leave you one of these days because the pressure of your fantasy life has become too much for him to bear.

I don't think there are many women in the world who would want to gestate, birth, and raise six people. Definitely not every woman.

An unhealthy, disinterested man having four people utterly dependent on him financially is not a good idea.
Do you have a pension OP?

A part time job would be better for your future than become even more dependent on this man.

I could have written this myself (years ago). Obviously I can’t guarantee that your story will pan out the same way, but my DH left me, saying that we had too many children and he wanted some peace and quiet. Being a parent, let alone single parent to multiple children is hard work. I don’t regret having my children for a second, tbh I don’t regret getting divorced now either, but it’s bloody hard work and stressful.
(Just to add that my DH had always wanted 6 children, I wanted 4, number 5 was not planned. He was on a good salary, I was a SAHM with a part time, low paid job working around the children and his job).

I’d definitely advise against more children. It’s like adding an extra load to a weak bridge.

Stop having kids, get a job and split things more equally at home.

Apologies I’m struggling to follow the logic in your OP.

You think he shouldn’t get a say in how many children you have because you do all the work.

But you are also complaining that he isn’t doing enough at home with the 3 you already have.

And he presumably doesn’t want 6 children because that will be double the complaining?

Six children will double your workload which you are already complaining is too much?

I’ve been a SAHM, I understand the role. It’s not easy and it sounds like he doesn’t pitch in as he should.

But I do think your OP is minimising his role. He currently has to be sole financial support for 5 people. You want to make that 8. In an economy where most families need two salaries to support 4 people you want half the income to support double the people.

With 6 children your ability to go back to work is going to be severely limited (though I do know a mum of 7 who runs her own business, but she is fairly extraordinary).

Children get more expensive as they get older not less. I’m not talking about phones and extracurricular activities I’m
talking about shoes and food and school uniform. You’ll need a bigger car and presumably a bigger house.

My DH and I have well paid full time jobs and both our employers have had round after round of redundancies in the last ten years. I can’t imagine going through that if my job had to support 8 people.

And what of contingency plans for the future, if your DH should heaven forbid get ill and be unable to work (and has happened to two colleagues of mine recently, both with strokes) how would you support the family?

You need to think long term about the needs for the children, the health of your marriage, your financial stability.

You can’t just stamp your feet and say “I do all the bathtimes and housework so I get to decide”.

Him not engaging with the kids is a problem. But the flip side of this is he is already the sole provider for 5 people. His job is presumably well paid? But you seem to think its easy because he gets to work from home for 3 days (a lot of people would be up in arms if a man said being a sahm wasnt draining because they are just at home 🤷‍♀️) and im sure it's hardly a stress free environment for him to be working in with 3 very young children around. While he is financially providing for you all you are complaining about is that you have to do most of the house work and child care (i mean yeah you are a sahm thats kind of the deal) all the while trying to push more and more children on him. Maybe he is reaching his limit. You want him to potentiality support 8 people financially, be wonder husband so you don't have to do as much around the house and also squeeze in to that time with his children. Maybe he is finding 3 children under 5 hell on earth and isn't too thrilled about adding a load more. If I'm honest from your post you seem extremely dismissive of him and frankly it sounds like he is just a walking money and sperm bank for you. If you do love him maybe try talking to him. There could be many reasons why he doesn't want to have more and more children. Maybe you are up to your eyeballs in debt and he's trying to sort that on his own who knows 🤷‍♀️

OP, this is quite a bizarre post. You're describing wanting many more children with a man who is irritable, depressive, hands off as a parent, and different to the man you married. This makes no sense at all.

Think of your existing three tiny kids, their needs and the life you want for them, not your own fantasy of a huge family.

Agree with this. Please don’t saddle more human beings with a “strict” and disinterested father. It will affect them and those around them for the next 75+ years.Not to mention how selfish it is for any couple in 2025 to reproduce two or three times replacement rate.

Blosdy hell woman, stop having children. If you are unable to work due to childcare commitments and your husband does nothing around ths house or to parent the children you already have, why would adding more children improve the situation?