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Original poster

Worried about my boyfriend’s lifestyle now we have a baby

66 replies

Superdead · 14/11/2025 21:34

Hi everyone, this is my first time posting and I’m a bit nervous but I don’t really have anyone to talk to. I’m 17 and have a little boy who is almost 10 months. I ended up getting kicked out by my mum when I was pregnant because she told me I needed to get an abortion and I said no. Things got really bad between us and I haven’t been back there since. I moved in with my boyfriend who is 20. At first it felt like the only choice I had and he was being supportive.

The problem is lately things have changed and I don’t know what to do. He has always smoked weed but now he is doing more than that. He goes out with these older guys who mess around with all sorts and he comes back out of it and just goes straight to sleep or sits on his phone for hours. I don’t like having that around my baby. I don’t even want my son growing up hearing arguments or seeing stuff lying about. I’ve told him I’m not happy but he says I’m being dramatic and acting like I’m better than him now just because I’m a mum.

I know people judge me because of my age and think I’ve made a load of bad choices already but my son is the best thing that ever happened to me and I just want him to be safe. I don’t have any family to go to. I don’t know what my options are or if I’m overreacting. Would social services get involved if I asked for help. I’m scared of that happening but I’m also scared of staying here if he keeps going like this.

Sorry this is so long. I just need some proper advice.

OP posts:
firstofallimadelight · 14/11/2025 22:26

Speak to social services and ask for support to be rehoused. Or leave and go to the council for temporary accommodation. Do you have means to support yourself. Are you claiming child benefit? Do you get universal credit? Are you working?

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 14/11/2025 22:24

I’m also scared of staying here if he keeps going like this

You wrote that in your OP.

What are you afraid of? Is your boyfriend aggressive to you?

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 14/11/2025 22:21

My boyfriend might be making stupid choices lately but he is a good dad.

Well, he really isn't a good dad if he's sitting about mindlessly scrolling on his phone and is wasted on drugs all the time, and is spending loads of money on drugs.

Good dads don't do that.

What advice are you looking for, if you don't want to leave your boyfriend?

And what does his mum say about the drug use?

notaweddingdress · 14/11/2025 22:17

I had children with a 40 yr old man with a responsible job who had tried his very best to be a good dad. He basically never goes out (because he’s looking after our kids) and he grafts for us every day.

It’s still really fucking hard. you need to leave this boy immediately, it won’t get better.

Original poster
Superdead · 14/11/2025 22:14

I don’t actually see my health visitor anymore. She came a few times right after he was born but then it kind of stopped and I didn’t chase it because every time she came I felt like she was judging me. So I don’t even know who I’d contact now or if they’d just turn up asking loads of questions.

About the mum and baby placement stuff, I don’t really get why people keep suggesting that. I’m not some sort of danger to my own baby. I’ve looked after him every single day since he was born and he’s healthy and happy. I know I’m young but that doesn’t mean I can’t cope. It feels like people think because I’m 17 I can’t do anything right.

And going back to my mums isn’t an option. She’s still saying the baby ruined my future and that she warned me this would happen. She only ever brings up how hard things are going to be and how I should’ve listened to her. I don’t want my son around someone who talks like that and makes me feel like rubbish every time. She hasn’t calmed down at all.

My boyfriend might be making stupid choices lately but he is a good dad. He’s never once been rough or anything and he helps with feeds and baths when he’s not out. We’re living with him and his mum at the minute so it’s not like I’m completely alone here. I just don’t want the drug stuff creeping into our normal life. That’s what I’m worried about. I’m not trying to split my family up for no reason. I just want things to be safe for my son.

OP posts:
firsttimepregnanthelp · 14/11/2025 22:13

Hello, social worker here. Don't be afraid of social services - contrary to popular belief we are here to help and support. A social worker will be able to help you to get on the housing register and you will be a priority as a single mum and because of your age. Good luck

hebri · 14/11/2025 22:06

I would try reaching out to your Mum.
Explain the situation, explain you want to leave your partner and how you just want the best for your son.

She may have calmed down by now and you sound v mature so hopefully she will want to help you get on your feet.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 14/11/2025 22:02

Hi there.
I'm sure that your health visitor will be able to advise and help you.
You're quite right to want to get away from this situation with your baby.

bdkenwbah · 14/11/2025 22:00

I’m so sorry that your mum kicked you out and that your boyfriend is behaving so terribly. You sound like a great mum. Perhaps you need to speaking to the housing team at your local council? You would be a priority for housing. Have you applied for all the benefits you’re entitled to?

cestlavielife · 14/11/2025 21:59

Speak to your health visitor
Ask for a young mum and baby place
Get away from him

Fleetbug · 14/11/2025 21:58

Well done for caring about your baby’s safety Ring Childline to get the help you need. Urgently.

veryvanessa · 14/11/2025 21:55

Could you reach out to your mum ? It must have been more than a year since you’ve been in touch. Do you think she could help?

mamagogo1 · 14/11/2025 21:53

At 17 you are legally a child? You may be able to get a placement through social services who will support you in parenting

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 14/11/2025 21:46

At 17 you are still legally a child yourself and as such the law protects you more. I’d make a point of leaving before you turn 18. Having a baby and moving in with this guy at your age may not have been the best decision you could have made, but you sound pretty self aware about it and are taking a mature attitude to your current predicament. I think you’ve got it in you to turn this around. Being a young mum is hard, but it will definitely be better doing it alone than with this awful excuse for a father making things worse for you.

FettleOfKish · 14/11/2025 21:41

There'll be people along soon with links to good resources (I’m not in the UK so don’t know what’s best, I assume you are). Please use them and leave as soon as you can. You absolutely won’t be judged for doing what you need to do to protect your baby, so long as you do it soon. Wishing you all the best OP x

Lostuser · 14/11/2025 21:37

Leave asap it’s only going to get worse.

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