To think your Baby Registry list should be limited after #1

Very soon it’ll be ‘we have everything we need for dear little Esther-Mae so just give us money instead! Fuck off!

She'd hate me - my PFB didn't get everything new. About 8 people responded 'congratulations, would you like a cot?' to the news that I pregnant so we accepted one and a changing table. I used a second hand (well third because it had already done two kids) travel system from my brother so I only bought a small light weight buggy new. I borrowed a Moses basket and various other bits from a friend and had a mix of new and 'hand me down' clothes. And nothing was colour coded to ensure that they could be used again/passed onto to babies of either sex without people recoiling in horror at a boy touching pink/girl touching blue.

In the US, it’s fine to have a baby registry list, if it’s your first baby and if someone (not a close relative) is having a baby shower for you. They’re meant to be helpful to the shower guests, so they have a sense of what you don’t have and still need. A shower or a registry for a subsequent baby, though, is considered tacky, because you’re presumably able to reuse things you got for the first baby.

The UK seems to have imported the concept of baby showers from the US, but not the associated etiquette. Then people in the UK do things like throw their own shower for their fourth baby, and people start sniping about “American-influenced gift grabs” when most Americans would be appalled by the bad manners.

Also, you don’t send someone the registry. The invitation should say, preferably in small print, “Jennifer is registered on Amazon and at Crate and Barrel” (or whatever).

I have literally never come across a baby registry in real life and am a similar age. I know they are a thing because I go on reddit parenting sites and most posters there are American. But even though I know a lot of Americans IRL because I live in a non English speaking country, never been sent or heard about a registry from anyone I know IRL.

Agree it must be your social circles. We did make an amazon wishlist but that was only shared with family because they wanted a way to order from amazon to us here and that was a way to do it.

I'm old, but have close family having babies (5 in the last 2 years) so feel I am 'up with' what's happening with new parents in their late 20s and early 30s.
This definitely hasn't been 'a thing'.
I feel it is a "your circle" thing rather than a 'generational' thing @Outside9

I am 52 but when I was having my second a woman I got to know through the baby clinic (dont ask, just be grateful its not a thing anymore) was asking what pram I was getting for my second and I said I wasnt, as I would just use the one from DS (for the record second child is now 28). She looked both baffled and horrified that I wasnt getting a brand new one. Surely my baby deserved eveyrthing brand new just like the eldest got.

I think she was disgusted with me for giving "cast offs" to my second! So the idea of all new for each baby is not a new one!

Why can't they use the stuff left over from the first baby, is very wasteful to throw everything away and expect more.

Same age as you and London based, and never been sent a baby registry!

Only seen Americans talking about them online (usually complaining about people buying off-list…!).

It’s both grabby and ungrateful in equal measure…!

I know lots of people with baby registries/lists. They don't send them out but usually if you ask the person organising the baby shower if there is anything the person wants they will give suggestions or send a link to an Amazon wishlist or something.

I agree with OP though, I wouldn't expect to see things like prams or changing tables on there... tbh I have never been to a baby shower for a 2nd+ baby at all but I would expect they would want small things like new dummies or postpartum mum chocolates or something!

Is this a london centric thing perhaps? Never heard of it.

Baby showers are something that is done for you. I had one for first DC but I had zero
input it was entirely organised by siblings and mum. It was done at their insistence even though I wasn’t fussed and in hindsight I’m glad they did because I have some beautiful memories from it.

Registries are unheard of here, people gift what they like if they want.

I had a high risk pregnancy and refused to even consider much until dd was here let alone a present list. I can't imagine being so confident you'd put this together before your child is safely delivered. Once dd was here it was lovely to see my friends and family and lots brought presents they had chosen. I had a new outfit for pretty much every day of her first few months but I definitely didn't ask for or expect anything

I didn't know that was even a thing for the first!

What? Never heard of a baby registry! I’m a bit older but my two stepsons have four kids between them four and under and not one did a baby registry!
We got gifts from our family and a couple close friends. That’s it - I mean it sounds really grabby to have an actual registry.

Also feel like a list/registry reduces the chances of getting personal, thoughtful presents from people - e.g. some friends bought me beautiful childrens' books and other things that I wouldn't have thought to ask for (e.g. things they'd loved sharing with their own babies).
Those presents are meaningful because it's the person who's special to me, thinking of something lovely for me, if that makes sense. And in some cases it was passing on a bit of magic because I imagined the friend previously enjoying the book with their own child, and saw the warmth on their faces when they recounted that, etc.

What fresh hell is this?!

I'm in London too and in a similar age bracket to you. Both my kids are young. But I have heard of this or a ‘baby sprinkle’

I think it’s generational as I’m up north and I’ve seen/heard of a wishlist in my circles.

I was thinking reading this ‘what the hell is a baby registry’ but then I’ve realised that when I was having DS we did have an Amazon list (created for DH and I to work through over the paydays approaching my due date) that we ended up sharing with 2 or 3 friends that insisted on buying us something that we actually needed / wanted. We deliberately made the big stuff like car seat etc private so they couldn’t see them as options. They bought lovely bits from it, both practical and fun, some of which are still in daily use 17 months later (looking at you, white noise Otter). In the unlikely event we were to have a second we already have all that stuff so wouldn’t even create one in the first place.

Lots of my friends have had babies. I have never heard of a "Baby Registry List" (& yes, I did send them presents when the children were born).
Are people really so greedy and shameless?

This is a timely post for me. One of the people on my staff has taken two days off this week to get ready for a baby shower for her daughters 3rd child in 5 years. One of the tasks for my coworker for the shower was making 100 cupcakes for the shower, which makes me think it is a big do. I think it is in poor form. However, I may be particularly strange on these matters. I was too uncomfortable to even fill out a wedding registry that my best friend had to do it for me!

Baby registry lists!! This sounds even worse than baby showers - which we should have collectively wholeheartedly rejected as a concept before they even got a foothold here.

No to baby showers, no to baby registries. What is this grabbiness? The commercialisation of child-rearing makes me cringe. Vulgar.

I never had one. I bought everything myself with the exception of a few small things close family gifted.

Never had a "Baby Registry" for either of mine and I won't for #3. I've always had a list of shit I need, but I have bought it all myself. MIL insisted on buying the pram, and that'll have served 3 babies by the time it retires. I wouldn't dream of being so grabby, tbh. If people want to buy stuff for the baby, that's nice but their choice. Otherwise, they're my kids and it's my job to provide for them.