Parents bought sister a house

I’d be resentful too. I hope your parents make it good in the end even if that isn’t when you need it. One set of my grandparents gave my parents a big chunk as a surprise one year when they forgave loans to other kids. But like you said - you and big sister wouldn’t and shouldn’t have to ask.

Honestly my big resentment is that my mum made my brother’s family weekly dinners of my childhood favourites 2 years ago for almost a year, and when she helps at ours I have to cook or order in, or she does pasta with jarred sauce or omelettes. I asked for Shepherd’s pie for my 40th and she was ill so couldn’t cook, but it’s more than a year later and I’m still waiting. Which I consider no less an offence than the 500k except I might have the balls to ask again (but what if she then doesn’t? Then it is the psychic injury of knowing where I fall. Just like all the stuff your parents spoil baby sis with)

Ha, had a nosey after reading your comment. 6 threads whining about his parents this year. OP sounds very immature, I'm not surprised they don't want to give him half a million £.

That's a strange question though - what does anyone want from a Mumsnet thread? Validation, really.

I think the poster's feeling of being unfairly treated by his parents is valid.

This is very very true.

Apart from getting things off your chest and telling us about the situation and the money etc, I dont know what you want from this thread. Many people are telling you, as an adult, to have a conversation and ask them for money like they have given your sister but you still haven't said you will. You either talk to them about it or just crack on. Simple.

A lot of the commentators don't understand the dynamics that give rise to this type of family situation. It happens at all time. A favoured child gets preferential treatment all their life. Often it is the youngest, or a child who is 'weak' in some way and 'needs' more help. The dynamic gets so entrenched that the parents and favoured child cannot see it for what it is and get defensive when questioned. The other child(ren) are left to feel resentful and/or go no contact.

It's pointless asking when you know what the answer will be. The reason the OP hasn't asked is because she doesn't want to open herself up to the pain of the parents favouring the DSis and then refusing outright to help her too.

Any honest parent would admit they have a favourite. You have found out now who that child is. Also, you are not entitled to your parents' money. It is unfair, but unfortunately it is true. They decide what they do with it.

You’re dismissing good advice. ASK THEM FOR MONEY!!

Either ask them, or get over it.

Of course parents should treat kids fairly but do you really expect them to turn around to you and transfer you £500k because they spent that on another daughter? “Hey, I recently spent a lot of money on your sister so here’s the same”. Maybe they’re waiting for you to ask. Maybe they think you’ll come to them when you want/need to.

It’s not fair, absolutely, but you need to talk to them. Communication is everything.

Your parents are a disgrace.
You absolutely need to speak to them and lay out the math.
Write it down and have it with you.
Give it to them and say that is the difference in treatment of us and I am deeply hurt by it.

Shutting you down as a child, with anger when you mentioned their favoritism was emotional abuse of you.

You need to write it all down, the wedding and the house.
So they can't pretend they didn't know.

Tell your older sister of your intentions.
Personally I would be seeing a lot less of them if they continue to deny the favoritism of her.

Make it very clear to your parents that THEY are souring relationships because of THEIR behaviour.

Yes yes it’s hard to ask when you’ve been raised not to ask, but now you know that you can ask. So the answer is to get over it and ask - simples 🤷‍♀️.
Feeling resentment towards your sister is unfair. She asked! If there’s anyone to feel resentment towards it’s your parents for treating you differently, but arguably they haven’t treated you differently as you haven’t actually asked …

Well I would ask my parents this question rather than random strangers. Why have you only helped younger sis? We are all struggling and could do with some help and then see what they say. Maybe they think you are managing fine as you never asked. My parents have helped me buy a house. They also helped my elder sis but the amounts are different. She has had help twice as she has bought two houses and myself only once. She re-paid some of the money but then my parents said not to bother. I haven’t repaid any and was told it was a gift. I definitely get a lot more help from my parents financially than my sister. But she earns around 600K and I earn about 47K. My sister is very generous and doesn’t grudge any of the help I get. She also buys me lovely presents when she travels or sees me. We live in different continents. We are all open with money matters so there are no grudges.

This rings true with me. My parents used to say they'd 'make everything fair' in their wills, but this actually isn't going to happen either. All their money will almost certainly go on care fees. That would be fine - of course - if it wasn't for the broken promises. Well, lies. My sister - and younger brother - have had significantly more than I have, but to make up for it, my parents keep going on about me being a 'high achiever' and 'the most resilient person they know.' This is a myth they've invented to justify treating us differently. In reality, I'm on a very average wage, work hard with not a lot to show for it, and have long-term mental health problems including OCD, ADHD and depression and anxiety. But everyone just glosses over that and makes out like I'm the family's version of JK Rowling (I'm a journalist - not a highly paid profession unless you're Boris Johnson!)

This is a really tricky and I absolutely understand where your coming from but also understand it's a minefield and tricky to raise without seeing rude. Ultimately it's their money and they can spend it how they want but you know that. Its hurtful because of the difference in how you've been treated and that is I think how you tactfully need to raise it.
If you do nothing resentment will grow and ruin the relationships within the family. You said you're annoyed that your parents haven't realised you and older sister are annoyed but actually they may have done but either don't know how to raise it or they may feel you don't want help as haven't asked. If this is the case it's resolvable but if you don't ask you could risk a fall out that need never happen.
I think the easiest way to raise it might be around the kitchen you took further funds on your mortgage for. I'd sit them down on their own and say you felt hurt that when you needed to do work at home you took funds on your mortgage and help wasn't offered and have felt hurt by the gesture made to your sister. You will know if this is a favoritism thing from their reaction. If it is Ultimately there's not a lot you can do but at least you can tailor the relationship as you want to knowing 100%. There's too much room for uncertainty unless you actually talk to them. Good luck it's not an easy one x

Have it out with them then, and talk to them! Say you feel hard done by when you’ve had to add extra to your mortgage to get your bathroom done while your sister has essentially been given £0.5m.
Tell them you’re struggling for space and wish you could move to a bigger house, would they be willing to help you do that, in a similar way to how they have helped your sister. See how they try and justify not helping you.

If you don't treat your children all the same you've failed at parenting. You're building unnecessary resentment between siblings.

So this is on your parents. Not your sister.

Just ask if you want more, sounds like your sister does so why shouldn’t you.

Also if you have a 3 bedroom semi and one child you’re not logically struggling for space. You want more and that’s okay, but your fine for space.

Do you know what is in there wills? My parents helped me buy my house when I was on my knees in divorce - nowhere near 500k though. The deal is that they have reflected this in there wills and my brother and sister get a larger chunk of there estate. We are all happy with this and we believe that some people need help sooner than others.

I'm in a similar position. I'm the eldest and my parents did help me out with some money towards a deposit when my partner and I bought. A few years later they helped out my younger sister and my younger brother – but gave them each over double what they had given me. My sister mentioned how much it was (I don't think she was meant to tell me) and when I was a bit shocked she must have told my parents, as they then told me that I was 'owed' the difference to make it even. That was over 5 years ago and nothing has happened. I have been going through some very difficult times financially and it is difficult not to feel resentment towards the situation. Most recently I've had to have a lot of emergency dental work done which is expensive. My parents are aware of the cost of this but haven't helped. They also help my sister out financially a huge amount with her children. My partner and I are unable to have children, and it's difficult not to feel like they place more value on her needs because she has children. Being the eldest, this is something that seems to have happened a lot since I was a kid – there will be one rule for me and then my parents relax it or are more generous with my younger siblings. I find that it is increasingly affecting how I relate to them and then I feel guilty for it. It's not a nice situation to be in. Parents should be very careful about treating children equally.

Oh a drama llama then.

Sometimes I feel like I’m not assertive enough and then I see threads like this and it makes me realise that I am because I would have had to say ok where is our half a mil then 😅 there’s absolutely no way I could sit back and not say anything. If they were willing to gift my sibling that and not me then that would be the end of our relationship I think.

How have you uncovered all this info btw?

What’s your relationship like with your parents? putting money issues aside

And your parents may well do the same for you and your other sister. You haven’t asked so your parents haven’t offered. If I read the OP correctly your younger sister asked your parents for the money ( originally a loan) and your parents agreed.

If you want help you should ask them and then you will know if it’s “favouritism” or they just respond to requests. It may well be that it hasn’t occurred to your parents to loan / gift you money because you have never asked. While situations may be obvious to some they are not to others.

Rather than keeping hold of this resentment based on assumptions , reframe it - what might the outcome be if I ask. You have a great opportunity to test whether your assumptions are correct about favouritism. You say you have recently increased your mortgage to have some work done. Ask your parents if they would consider helping you out to reduce your mortgage back down as the monthly repayments are stretching your budget.

We've lent money when needed, but keep track, expect it returned eventually just to keep things fair.