Parents bought sister a house

As a parent, with adult children, I worry if one gets a fiver more than the other, especially now they are adults.

£500,000 is a hell of a lot of money, and I hope that Mikes parents have another million sloshing around to give to him and his older sister.

i can’t comment on borrowing £20,000 for upgrades in your property, its not something I would have done. Our kitchen in our first three properties was a sixties sink unit with washing machine under one drainer and an undercounter fridge/freezer under the other drainer. A big pine bookcase stored all the tins, saucepans, plates etc and a small pine table and chairs with a gingham table cloth matching the curtains.

We only upgraded the kitchens/bathrooms when we were selling.

The children know we aren’t selling this property yet as it’s clean, tidy and presentable, but we have.a very old two ring gas cooker (checked yearly with the central heating system) the sane 60s unit with a washing machine still but we have a dishwasher where the fridge was. We have a beautiful American frost free fridge/freezer which is huge and free standing, and a pantry to store all the crockery, cookware, utensils and food which I love.

It must grate that one sibling has been given a shed load of money and two haven’t, but I wouldn’t ask for money, and when your parents come round for tea etc, I would be serving egg, chips and a few beans and sliced bread on the table so they can fill up on a chip butty, and a big jug of iced water with a couple of slices of lemon and mint init.

you have a property, do it up, sell it, buy another one and do the same, and be a good parent to your children, that will really wind your parents up especially as they get older

The fourth paragraph here is spot on. DH’s family did similar for a younger sibling 15 years ago. Sibling bought a house in an expensive city. Sold the house about 10 years later for 2.5x what they paid for it. PIL now brag how well youngest has done as they now have a big house worth £££ but PIL are completely blind to how they facilitated this.

I’ve made my peace with it now (not my parents/circus/monkeys) but at the time DH and I were completely 😮. I could never treat my children so differently. Baffles me how parents can.

i guess the lesson here is, if you don’t ask, you don’t get!

Speak to your parents and acknowledge the gift to your sister, and ask if they could support you all equally

As a parent that's appalling. As a child with siblings I would just focus on my own family.

For all those asking @MikeL1993 to 'just ask parents', what planet are you on? I would NEVER go cap in hand & say 'X had that, I want it too'..

Then again, I couldn't bring myself to speak to them again. I'm a great one for cutting my nose off to spite my face & they could stuff any future inheritance where the sun don't shine. That'd be me DONE.

That’s an insane amount of money to gift to one child and an extravagant wedding you need a family meeting it should be addressed coz it’s so unfair but try and be mature no shouting or being angry ,it will cause problems I can tell you now but you are already hurting from their actions so it might be better to say it out loud and see what happens .

What happens at Christmas..does your golden sister receive better gifts from your parents than you ?

Does gifted mean given?

I had something similar. I’m the youngest of three girls. When my dad died, the house went to my eldest sister. My middle sister and I got £500 each. When mum died we both got another £500 and eldest sister got everything else. They already had their own house, which they sold. My middle sister has since died, but like me, was very hurt by the favouritism. Even now, forty years later I am still bitter about it. I have four children, and everything will be split four ways when I’m gone. How a parent can show such favouritism is beyond me.

Do you think it could be connected to the fact you aren’t married? Do they see your couple relationship as less committed?

You are not willing to ask for help. So what's the point of your thread? To be told that this is unfair? Almost everyone has said that it is and you also know that. It is not just unfair that they haven't offered to make it up to you and your older sister but infuriating that they turn it around and make you feel bad for asking. Who cares? As others have said just ask when you will be receiving your 500k.

This would piss me off so much.

I think you need a frank conversation with them and point out that they are treating their kids incredibly unevenly/unfairly in terms of financial support and it's causing a lot of hurt and distress.

I’m sorry I don’t have much advice but wanted to say that I’d feel gutted by this too.

To start with, start off with asking your parents, in what universe this wouldn't be seen as an insanely unfair and hurtful display of favouritism.....

Worry not, if they make the changes to lifetime gifts that are being suggested the tax man will be after his percentage from your sister in due course!

If you don’t ask you don’t get.

Please talk to your parents. This gift needs to be at the very least factored into their will. They are oblivious to how unfair you and you other sister are being treated.

Yes. Transparency here is what is missing. And the hardship op is left in is the trigger of this resentment…she can’t offer the same to her child because she hasn’t been given…

I would ask them outright. Do they know you’re struggling. £500k is a lot of money and a huge disparity.

My mum gave my sister around £30k for a house deposit, £7k for a car and £10k for a wedding. She gave me and my children around a fifth of that altogether as she said she had helped me in person, with occasional ad-hoc childcare, rather than financially.

The same amount should be given to all children and then if there is still money then it is at your parents discretion BUT no one should be left feeling as you do…

I must be living in a parallel universe. Why on earth should OP and his older sister have to ask to get the same handouts as his younger sister? Why aren't his parents automatically keeping them informed and either offering money or confirming that they're adjusting their wills to take account of these lifetime gifts? I can't imagine treating my children so differently. Fortunately it's not happened in our family.

Very honestly

For 500K... i'd have the balls to ask a question

My parents were the same and I am as you say clinical too about my kids

We gifted an amount to one of our children to buy a desperately needed home. Their sibling isnt ready to buy yet but we made it very clear right from the beginning that we had the same amount ready for them when they needed it. There should be no need for OP to ask ( tbf our child didnt actually ask for anything we offered it) and everything should be out in the open to not cause misunderstanding and hurt imo

I'm in your position - I work, decent salary, partner, mortgage and do not ask my parents for money. My sister doesn't work and they've bought her cars, a house... it's not particularly fair but I think it's their business how they spend their money and it'll probably balance out in the will (maybe, again, not important).

But as everyone else appears to be pointing out... you should ask. Your parents probably feel you're able to manage without their support (as you have done).