Parents bought sister a house

This sounds like the best plan (caveat have not read later posts 😀). In my experience wealthy people generally obsess, at least verbally if not in their actions, an obsession with saving on IHT. This way you can congratulate them on using the undemanded mortgage ‘repayments’ they gift your sister each month as a way to protect that 500k from IHT. You could say you hope they realise you are up for helping them with any similar scheme - that they shouldn’t worry that you gave any personal objections to receiving a similar arrangement. (Only if you don’t obv)

Have it out with them- I had a similar thing over an inheritance, don't bottle it up , tell them how you feel- bear in mind though it's entirely their decision, but get them to justify it.

This happened to me, sister got a house as a wedding present and the wedding paid for, i got nothing, yes my parents are well.off, but always favor my sister. Nothing i can do about there decision!!!

Presumably the house your sister is selling will one day be sold? In which case Id be having words with your younger sister as she seems to be the problem as no self respecting sibling would accept such a huge sum.

You need to sit with your parents and discuss the imbalance of financial treatment between the siblings without getting personal (unless they do).

all off spring should be treated equally.

ive mentioned elsewhere my cousin hit her mother and second husband up for a substantial amount, which she received, but they made sure other offspring were equally compensated.

as an aside note, brace yourself your parents may have a sob story from your sibling for them to make the decision they did.

My DH went through this with his Mum. His sister claimed she couldn’t afford dental work so MIL gave her money which immediately went elsewhere, yet she hadn’t seen the new motorbike SIL was showing off on social media…

get your ducks in a row and talk to your parents.

I agree with you entirely, the OP should ask for help if the parents are wealthy and in a position to help.
However, there are many independently minded people who would resent having to do this. Unfortunately there are always be siblings who will approach their parents with a begging bowl.
I have a sibling who is the Golden Child who is also a gambling addict and has coerced thousands upon thousands from my father to clear his debts.
Not the same as your situation but injustices frequently happen within families.

It’s sad you don’t have a relationship with your parents open enough to just ask. If mine gifted 1/2 mil to my sibling I’d pick the phone straight up and ask what the bloody hell they were thinking!

I feel so sad for you. I can see this forming the basis for a rift in the family.

A close friend is a millionairess, (she earned the funds herself) and her father gave her younger sister, who wasn't affluent, the money for a semi-detached but beautiful historic house so that younger sis could relocate.

She was supposed to pay the funds back when she sold her existing house.

You no doubt guess what happened next. The sister sold her previous house and the father said she should keep the money from the sale, as he didn't need it. Cue resentment number 1. Younger sis had just been given a 500k house and still had her own proceeds from the other house sale.

Anyway, my friend's dad then wanted a new house himself, and he didn't then have the money left to buy it in cash; he'd need to sell his own house to be able to afford the new one, because he had given away the 500k!

But he was afraid the house he wanted would get sold meanwhile. So, he asked my millionairess friend if he could borrow the money from her, to fund the new house in cash right away. (All this while my friend's sister was now' sitting on' his own money because he had handed it to her).

This gets worse!

My friend loaned her dad the money for the new house, on the agreement he would repay the loan when he sold his own house.

It then turned out that the new house was the other side of the semi-detached where the younger daughter lived, the other half of the semi for which he had said daughter 2 could keep the cash! So, he had been planning to move into the other side of the semi to be next door to younger daughter, but was borrowing from my friend the cash sum so that he did not lose the house.

Then ... and it gets WORSE still!

The sister who already lived in the semi, (and who had been gifted by her father the hefty cash sum to buy it ... and next door to whom Dad was now planning to move) loved the other half of the beautiful old house as much as she liked her own. So, she started turning the two semis into one big house and she and her dad would live together in it! She knocked out all the dividing walls.

And ... it STILL gets worse!

My friend's father then decided he was actually quite happy where he was after all, so he would not move. He realised it would be a hellish upheaval to live in a construction site, so he would stay put!

So, he told his younger daughter she could keep the whole house, the two sides of the semi which she had now knocked into one, not at all giving thought to how a) he had bought her the first half of the house already and b) my friend had now paid for the second half, and the father wouldn't now be able to pay my friend back the loan they had agreed.

The privileged younger daughter was going to now get one whopping humongous house all to herself, (two kitchens, eight bedrooms etc) for no investment whatsoever, AND she had the cash from the sale of her own house.

Next thing that happened was that the two sisters fell out completely, vowing never to speak to one another again in their lifetimes. And my friend was out of £1m because half of that was the sum she had paid for 'dad's' half of the new house, and the other £500k was the sum that their dad had given to the other sister but not to my friend.

Result: A previously very close family became so fractured in a very short period, and when the father was dying, my friend could not bring herself to go and see him again because of this mess and the strain it had caused. So, he never got to see his elder daughter again.

And she then was the one who had to handle the estate after the father had died, at which point she used legal know-how to claw back the lost £500k she had loaned to her dad, but will never speak to her sister again. She hates her.

The long and short of it is that Mike, you need to confront this head on with your parents right now, and be frank about it.

id be upset too. Its a natural response. But there may be things you dont know. Maybe your parents see the gift as being an early inheritance for your sister and the rest will be bequeathed to you and your other sibling when your parents pass. Maybe it wont. You could also let your parents know you are financially struggling and would also appreciate financial help and ask for it. Let them know your financial woes. The final thing to note is that there is are tax and specific government rules about gifting. I could be wrong but a gift of that size I dont think is allowed without being subject to some taxation rule or other. There is also a 7 year deprivation of assets rule - so if your parents die within the next 7 years the house gifted to your sister is still included in your parents assets when their estate is valued. In short its legally and financially / taxy complicated. It could be worth you finding out more on the various implications and speaking to your parents about it now rather than having to sort out the mess later - assuming you are a co-executor of the will needing to sort out the mess later.

I am a mum of 4 and try very hard to treat my children equally. There is one I do give more to as they are struggling whereas the others aren't. I still try to make up for it in other ways. I would never buy one a house though!
We had similar in my family , in that the sibling who stayed living with my GM. ( she lived to 100!) was solely left the house on her death. The other siblings were made well aware of it before her death though and there was no resentment. This may have not been the case if it was sprung upon them after her death. People need to talk.

Rude and unhelpful victim blaming.

OP, we all know YANBU.

Talk to your parents but brace yourself cos people who pick favourites aren’t that fussy about being nice.

My house is over half a million pounds and the loan I got from my dad was £8k.

just suggesting OP to check in detail before she gets too annoyed as things may not be as they look. But yes, if they are, she has the right to be annoyed if she is not expecting an inheritance if the same value.

More fool you for not clarifying it.
Your father obviously was an twat for misleading them and not correcting them.
Then you confirmed it.
You have yourself to blame, not your siblings.

Huh? Your story is totally different...

Its half a million pounds not 8k and OP is right to be aggrieved...

This reminds me so much about my older and younger sisters being resentful because my dad “bought” me a house. I wish my mother was not a shit stirrer and my father wasn’t so discrete as he never told them that he actually only lent me £8k for the deposit which I paid back…

Even in his funeral they were still going in circles about the house he bought me and I living mortgage free (I wish). I found the pettiness so annoying that when they started talking about splitting the inheritance I told them to keep it all, which they have… and they are still complaining about the house he didn’t buy me…

Really good point. Whose name is this house in?

They might also have Tenants in Common Trust with your sister.

Get in touch with the Land Registry and find out.

Something about this house thing sounds dodgy.

Very interesting. My stepson was given money over Covid and never paid it back, despite getting government Covid loan. Given money to buy a plot of land. No one knows whether that was paid back but his mother wasn't paid back what she lent him, although he says he paid back a small amount. Then loaned money to fund various property planning matters and business debts. This causes real pain amongst other 3 stepdaughters and myself.

Very difficult for anyone to broach the subject with my husband as he says he can do what he likes with his money.

It’s the same in our family but no where near this scale! It’s always because ‘you manage so well without any help’. Only because I have no choice and nobody offers.

Mum, Dad, you recently gave Sarah £500,000 to buy a house and told her she doesn’t need to pay it back. Are you in a position to offer a similar amount of money to me, and to Kate? For us, that would give us an opportunity to move up the housing ladder and reduce our mortgage. I know Kate would hugely appreciate as well.

[Then if they say no]

How can you justify giving such a huge amount to Sarah and not offering something similar to me and Kate?

That’s shit OP. I’d be fuming

The resentment is only going to grow. You need to talk to your parents, without your sister there and articulate how you feel. I’ve seen this with my mum, her siblings and her parents. The upset that preferential treatment caused has impacted all the relationships because no one was willing to call it out.

I have the same dynamic and issues with my younger sibling always receiving massive financial help from our parents. For all those saying “why don’t you just ask”, it’s not that simple. I did recently ask my DM for help (the first time since 2005) as I was really struggling after moving house. I got a reminder why I never do ask. The guilt trip, the open family discussions behind my back about what I would spend the money on, the judgement. Whereas my younger sibling basically has their life bankrolled - holidays, expensive clothing, etc. It’s horrible and it’s hurtful - I get it OP.

OP, I feel for you. You've got two choices really and neither of them are good. Either you say something now and risk a huge falling out (but you're already hurting so getting it out there may be the best thing) or don't say anything and continue with your fingers crossed that your parents have evened things up in their will. This is high risk because if they haven't you don't even have the right of reply at that point. I'm in the second scenario, (parents have given their house to sibling), and if you think you're hurting now, finding out when one or both of them is gone is heart breaking. The betrayal is so massive it's not something I can get over. I've walked away.

If people choose to have children, they have an obligation to treat them all equally. Otherwise what's the point of being in the family?

I really cannot imagine any parent gifting a £500k house to one child and doing nothing for the other two. We treat both our daughters the same and have gifted money to both of them when we can afford it. I don't agree you should ask, I think any parent should think twice before treating one child so differently to the others regardless of circumstances. Anyone with a modicum of sensibility would realise the injustice of it.

I would say the only clue you have given us is that the parents are obviously keen for your sister to have children and have made sure money is not an issue for them. Do they have a close relationship with your son (their grandson)?

Totally agree. As a parent of 4 the only way we have divided our assets is between them all, I’d never give preference to just one which is really what’s happening here. If I’ve given any of mine money I’ve also given or put in savings for the others. No way on earth would I allow one of mine to feel like I prefer another sibling or my actions to lead to the obvious resentment between siblings. It’s just not fair.