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Original poster

AIBU to think that just leaving is no better than cheating?

113 replies

Camille99 · 14/11/2025 10:20

My husband left 2 years ago. He just told me he was leaving with no warning. He said he still loved me but wasn't in love with me. We were married for 7 years and have 2 children. He maintains he is a great guy because he left and didn't cheat. He left because he talked to a woman he liked on a night out. A week later he was with her. He actually thinks he's a nice guy and one of the good ones because he left instead of cheating. Like it doesn't cross his mind that he could have not left and forgotten about her and maintained our great family lives. He has even got a tattoo now of a wolf and below it it says "loyalty". You couldn't make it up.

OP posts:
Original poster
Camille99 · 14/11/2025 11:50

I doubt he was cheating with her as I do know she'd just moved back home after living away. If rather he didn't cheat and didn't leave and had just forgotten about her. I feel like if I fancied a man in a bar I'd just ignore it. Really is the fact that he maintains what he did was fine and there was nothing wrong with it at all.

OP posts:
ginasevern · 14/11/2025 11:49

Sorry OP, but it's pretty obvious he didn't just talk to this woman once on a night out. He was cheating anyway. Probably been shagging her for some time.

Sartre · 14/11/2025 11:38

I think leaving is quite a principled thing to do in truth. The alternative to him leaving was him fucking her behind your back for months or years until you found out, would that really have been better?

I’m sorry this happened to you but do think you need to look at it from a different perspective. He would have been wasting your life had he stayed when he was unhappy enough to be cheating. Instead, you’ve had that time to reflect and hopefully start to move on.

One of my colleagues left his wife and son for a younger woman in a different department years ago. We all felt bad for his wife but he is still with the other woman and they’re very happy. I think he would have done more of a disservice to his wife and son had he had an affair for this long instead.

BigNov · 14/11/2025 11:37

Like it doesn't cross his mind that he could have not left and forgotten about her and maintained our great family lives.

I think you’re being too emotional and sensitive about this. He didn’t want to be in a relationship with you…he wasn’t happy and wasn’t satisfied hence how his head turned. I feel I’m spelling out the obvious, but surely you get that your relationship had no longevity regardless? If he stayed, your relationship wouldn’t have been blissful as the cracks were already present on his side. He said he fell out of love with you.

OneOpalScroller · 14/11/2025 11:34

He’s telling himself and everyone else, what makes him feel better.

Motnight · 14/11/2025 11:33

I think that he's a liar and a cheat rewriting history.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 14/11/2025 11:31

YANBU. At least you're not with a twat with a shit tattoo

RoomByTheWindow · 14/11/2025 11:29

You’re a bit delusional

TheThingOnTheIce · 14/11/2025 10:38

Nah that’s still cheating
I mean he’s probably lying anyway as it’s highly unlikely he left for someone he met a week ago , that’s a massive gamble .

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 14/11/2025 10:35

He was cheating. He is a liar as well as a cheat.

takealettermsjones · 14/11/2025 10:28

I'm sorry this happened to you. It must have been so hard to deal with this coming right out of the blue, and I can tell it's still painful. Hopefully someone with better advice will be along soon but I would just say that this is a tale as old as time - the "good guy" who has a midlife crisis and leaves his wife and children for a woman in a club - take comfort in the fact that he's a walking cliché and a sad indictment of the male ego, and be glad you don't have to put up with that any more. Any more comments from him about how "good" he is can be handled with a swift "ok then" and move on to the kids. Good luck ❤️

CoffeeLipstickKeys · 14/11/2025 10:25

Routinely People create a reality and a narrative that protects their ego and justifies their actions.He obviously sees himself as a principled man
Is he still with this woman?

ThatCyanCat · 14/11/2025 10:24

I'm sorry that happened to you. I think he was cheating, though, I doubt he left his marriage for a woman he only got with one week later. Arsehole. I think you're well shot.

Are you saying you'd have preferred him to cheat and to stay? (Obviously you'd rather he hadn't cheated at all, as you say.)

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