To think perhaps my son isn’t autistic but instead modern society is too challenging for him to cope with.

Sensory difficulties arent well understood. Some 'nd' need sensory input to regulate and others need to avoid it to regulate and most have a mix depending on the sense and the input. ( all humans do, its just some people tip into disorder territory)

For instance, my son has an issue with proprioception. His body feels like it is falling through space and that is uncomfortable and frightening feeling. He needs activities that help ground him. These are things that involve pushing/pulling and heavy work and spinning, so you might think we were winding him up, but he would calm.dowm doing that. This stops him banging his head against a wall to create an input that does the same thing.

I'd recommend reading 'the age of diagnosis' by Suzanne O'Sullivan (a neurologist).

It not only tackles whether we're over-diagnosing some illnesses but also looks at how useful a diagnosis is even if it is accurate. For example, dementia is being diagnosed earlier and earlier. But there isn't actually a cure. So does it really help people to know they have this slow but inevitable disease?

She looks at autism and ADHD as well. Very interesting book.

I think bullying was more socially acceptable in the 80s and 90s. Teachers could attack and ridicule children for not fitting in. This let off pressure for teachers and as long as the majority of children succeeded it was seemingly acceptable. The effect on the Nd children wasn't noticed or measured. Now the academic side of education is assessed diligently and Nd children are to an extent accommodated. There's more pressure all around but imo it is better now as the professionals are more clued up.

I do agree OP, as a parent to 2 ND young people who have been through the school system, I often wonder if my eldest dd would have got a diagnosis in the 80’s. I see many kids waiting for a diagnosis mainly because they don’t fit in at school, they struggle with social anxiety or they just can’t concentrate on learning. The educational system just isn’t suitable for everyone and it needs to change. Instead of labelling children maybe they should except the fact that the school system isn’t suitable for a lot of children and it needs to change. It makes me feel sad and angry that such young children are being expected to sit still in a classroom with large numbers of other children, being put through tests and exams at a young age and being told they are not meeting milestones at the right time. Children are struggling with the system, teachers are struggling and more children are being put through diagnosis for ASD, ADHD and dyslexia resulting in huge waiting lists for diagnosis, more children waiting for EHCP assessments (many being refused). If the education system was more tailored to individual needs and made less about numbers and expectations then maybe these children would not need EHCP’s?

Would they have struggled to the point that they were unable to leave their house or even bedroom? This is what I am seeing increasingly frequently. I spoke to a teacher from an affluent high achieving secondary and he reported that they can’t manage the number of children who are unable to manage or need an EHCP

To be fair nobody would need to explicitly say if their child WASN’T autistic but I take your point. I’m surprised to click on a thread about anything - house prices, where to go camping, the news - and not see multiple mentions of autism and ADHD.

I have an adult child who had a single diagnosis in the 1990s. They clearly have a combination of SEN that were just not diagnosed in the 90s.

We just know more now. And yes, I do think ND is the norm. Rather than NT.

We need to change the way we teach for all kids. But that would take money and investment in education.

Yeah, I'm 51 and feel the same. I don't know if it's so much modern life though (much as I'm addicted to my phone and hate hate hate being so) as the effects of perimenopause and maybe burnout from trying to hold it together as a parent and functioning adult.

It’s not that simple. You’ve lumped all ND people into one group which makes you look disabilist. For a start there are three categories of adhd - the hyperactive behaviour type might enjoy soft play due to the movement. They might not be worried about noise but a child with autism might find this too stimulating. It’s well known lots of ND kids use games to help them cope with being overstimulated because games can be a distraction for them and they get to zone out from their brains for a bit.

As someone who taught in the '90's, I can tell you it's never been any different. If he struggles now, he would have struggled then.

I would be interested to know what percentage of children nowadays are 'autistic'. It does seem that a huge number are - when does anyone come on any of these threads and say that their child is 'normal'!!!

It’s also worth noting that in the 80s and 90s, there were a couple of hours of kids TV after school and Saturday morning and that was it. You had to wait a week for the next episode of your favourite program and you didn’t have whatever you wanted ‘on tap’.

Kids now have constant access to their programs and can seek out episode after episode. They don’t have to wait to watch what they want, it’s right there feeding the instant gratification. You see this with people when they binge watch. “Just one more episode” and before they know it it’s 3am. People don’t want to wait (and don’t have to) anymore. So brains get the hit again and again.
Combine this with iPads and games consoles and it really is no wonder we are in this situation with so many diagnosis or both children and adults.

pl google infant reflexes not going dormant lots of posts on Mumsnet

Check out Peter gray and Naomi Fischer op they have written some interesting stuff on this. Schools are not what they were, they are very very controlling even in primary now and anxiety inducing and many children are being blamed and pathologised for not being able to cope when actually it is the stressful school environment which is at fault.

I would ask if they are thriving, especially in school. What you see on instagram/TikTok is not always what you see for everyone - and I would wonder if this is partly trying to find or create some order within a difficult world.

That’s really interesting because the ND accounts I see on Instagram are very reliant on screens, fibre optic lights, sensory balls and swings, trips to soft play, overstimulating YouTube and games, basically everything that your post indicates would be a nightmare

I’m not entirely unconvinced that, severe neurodivergence aside, what is labeled now as ASD isn’t just part of the spectrum of neurotypical wiring.

So many middle aged women are being diagnosed as autistic now. Everything I read online chimes with everyone I know. We all struggle with these feelings of being an alien in a different land, we all feel like we’re muddling through. I think women are too introspective for their own good and need to label everything. Is there the same trend in middle aged men?

I look at so many aspects of myself and my husband and think “autistic!” But we are not, and neither is anyone else we know despite their struggling with the same things we do. A lot of what people struggle with is simply life and the human condition. We just didn’t used to be so bloody introspective and self-absorbed about everything in previous generations.

Yes different environments suit different people differently don’t they.
Modern life might well be harder for ND people in some ways. On the other hand in the 80’s there wouldn’t have been much support, understanding or adjustment available, it was still very much sink or swim.

There is under diagnosis not over diagnosis.

That's the thing though. The lively bustling bright classroom with ever-changing activities that suits many young children and keeps them engaged can be overwhelming for children with autism. The very plain calm routine structured traditonal classroom actually suited a lot of children on the autism spectrum. Even sitting at separate desks in rows facing forwards, rather than groups facing each other at fluid "tables", was easier for many of them. There might have been hell in the playground but that's a different matter and in the old days no-one cared.

And yes we used to just punish or abandon the children who didn't fit in. It was changing slowly when I was at school in the 1960s but not all of the changes turned out beneficial for everyone.

I’m a Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist and I think about this a lot. There has likely always been children with autistic traits, but they would have likely have managed or even thrived in previous generations and environments. I now see children in so much distress, frequently unable to leave their house or even their bedrooms

There is now so much sensory overload, so many cars, planes, lights and music everywhere, no proper darkness that helps regulate sleep and so many new people to get used to.

If you think back to even 50-years-ago, children would have seen a fraction of different people, would have been outside most of the day, which would regulate from a sensory/OT perspective and would be in school with people who live in their neighbourhood. Life would be much more predictable and routine based and easier to manage if neurodivergent. Even food was much less sensory and similar and not an overwhelming amount of choice and difference

When I previously worked with older adults, so many had left school at 13 and still made a career, bought a house and had a family and lived very routine based lives. You could tell from interests and routine that many had autistic or ADHD traits, but had coped and never needed a diagnosis. In comparison, there are so many more demands today and many children seem unable to cope with the modern pressures of school and the sensory overload of modern life

It's called flow. It's the same reason they can play video games for ages. ADD people are more susceptible to it, but it works on everyone really. Pokie machines are a prime example and that's why they are so lethal for people with gambling problems compared to a lottery.

Its a complex dance of cause and effect

I work with autistic kids and I also do think there is some ovwr diagnosis of both autism and adhd

Adhd in particular. It might not be at clinically noticeable levels if a child was able to move and play freely for large parts of their day rather than sat in a chair for 6 hours a day at 5 years old.

It doesnt mean it isn't real or doesnt need supporting. But quite clearly a 6 or 7 year old being expected to behave like a working adult at school is likely to display adhd like behaviour sometimes when struggling to do this . And yes some children will simply not cope at all.

We are placing the burden on the child saying they are the one to fix rather than pointing out how ridiculous expectations are of small children (and of big children!!)

Just to add noisy world also affects public's MH considerably. Stress levels, depression etc. And physical health.
Imagine what it does to developing baby brain...

You’re talking like people are neatly divided into those with ‘special, neurodiverse’ brains and then hyper-efficient, always happy, always socially confident ‘neurotypicals’. It just isn’t like that. There is absolutely nothing to suggest the world is divided into these 2 types of brains, it’s just a sort of accepted ‘explanation’ which has deeply ingrained itself over the last 10 years without evidence and now to query it is wrongthink.

I can’t think of a single person I know who considers themselves neurotypical, it’s generally just how well they mask their inability to cope in front of others. Everyone I know looks to perfect social media posts and goes ‘why can’t I be like that? Why is life so easy for them? Why am I always the odd one out? I must be neurodiverse’, when actually those posts are just a curated fantasy and the poster is usually chaos behind the scenes.