To think perhaps my son isn’t autistic but instead modern society is too challenging for him to cope with.

of course they were, but the amount of choice and marketing has exponentially increased over the last few decades - and possibly having more impact on children with autistic traits

Many moons ago I worked for CAMHS. When a child was "school refusing", the first question I would ask is "What is it about the school that makes him/her want to refuse to go?"

We feed children down an increasingly restricted tube - detailed curricula, an environment that goes against the true nature of childhood - and then wonder why some can't hack it.

No child should receive a pathological label until the potential pathology of their environment has been investigated.

i agree. I have a sensitive 5 year old. She’s seemingly struggled her whole life, just found everything very difficult but not meeting any criteria for diagnosis or displaying specific typical symptoms. She’s just overwhelmed and finds life hard. She would be fine if she could be roaming around with a pack of children but getting up and to school and wearing a uniform and sitting still is hard for her. She is in year 1 but a summer born so only 5 years and 4 months, and has reading homework 4 x a week, maths x 3 a week and handwriting 5 x a week in the evenings. It’s mad. We don’t do any clubs and we are lucky i only do 2 long days (partly because she can’t cope with more). Alot of children in her class are in 07.30-18.00 5 days a week. It’s exhausting for everybody.

You're in charge of his life. And your own life.

If his life is chaotic and jam packed, change your lives. This is the first thing to do when you suspect autism and ADHHD any way as so much environmental stuff can cause issues and when they go away - the symptoms go away.

I have an ADHD diagnosis. and an Autism diagnosis. My son has Autism and suspected ADHD.

It on YOU to change his environment and habits to one that is less hectic and hassled.

Get rid of the TV. Put your own phone in a locked box when you get home. Don't put him in extra clubs. Walk to school. Leave 20m earlier. Get enough, deep, uninterrupted sleep. Remove as many over processed foods, dairy as you can. Simplify your home environment, less furniture, toys, everything. Pare it all back

Spend Saturdays doing a 10 mile walk cross the countryside without a single device, just walking.

Don't take him to the supermarket - why on earth would anyone do that - get it delivered. Never walk past the shiny shelf of plastic crap ever again.

Don't take him places with a gift shop. My son used to epically melt down EVERY TIME because he could not decide what to buy with his own money he had. He would get stuck in the decision making and perceived pressure. Just don't go they are just money making machines anyway.

You have control over more things in his life to day than you will next year. Each year, you get less and less feedback and control and the school get more, as will your son.

Take firm appropriate action now.

Totally agree.I know someone who was steadily losing her hearing as a child. Never picked up by the school. When she asked the teacher to repeat things she was mocked by the teacher in front of the class(1970s). Schools are certainly more compassionate places now.

100%. Both my brothers would have been diagnosed if they had been a decade younger. One with Adhd, the other with autism. They both feel it would have destroyed their lives, as for the older of the two, he would have taken it as permission to lean into bad behaviour and my younger brother, who is extremely shy, feels it would have destroyed what little social confidence he had. Both grew up "normal" and reasonably successful and see nothing but negatives in any possible diagnosis.

I'd actually be quite wary about getting any not completely necessary diagnosis going forward as culturally, we're very much at a point where the pendulum is about to swing back on a lot of our current norms. I wouldn't be at all surprised if in the next decade or two, people with these diagnoses find themselves locked out of certain employment roles or seriously struggle to get visas if they want to work abroad. I only know about the anglo-countries but Canada, NZ and Australia all have conditions relating to neurological conditions in their visa assessment process, while the US is currently considering adding them. At the moment they aren't completely disbarring, but immigration is a huge political issue in those countries, so the time could come where that may change for the much more restrictive.

I think the neurodivergent traits have always been there. I was a child in the 90s and I have a lot of the traits, as do all my family. Was life a constant struggle for me? No not at all. I think the world has become so that it is harder for people with some of the traits to cope, whereas before they would've got by.

I also think many of the common traits of neurodivergent people would've made them absolutely excel at certain points in history which is why there are actually a hell of a lot of people around with these traits. Super sensitive hearing or sense of smell would make you an amazing hunter. Excess of energy would be useful for a nomadic tribe as you could run ahead and scout potential danger. Struggling with empathy would make it easier to make tough decisions on the battle field.

My personal opinion is that perhaps the neurodivergent are less of a minority than we used to think. What we should be asking ourselves is why are we increasingly living lives where we stay in our houses and look at screens all day, then travel everywhere in large boxes on wheels with two arm chairs and a sofa inside inhaling the toxic fumes it produces which are literally poisoning our natural environment. Not to mention that these boxes on wheels with living room suites inside have made everywhere so dangerous that we don't let our children play independently any more and instead ferry them round between clubs where they have to behave all the time and never get a chance to just kick back and be free.

Do you think olden days were literally in black and white or sepia tone then? Of course things were “bright” back then! Loads of modern franchises were made popular decades ago, like Disney, Pokémon, Haribo etc. all of those brands marketed towards children back in the day, especially via magazines or gift shops.

Of course they have, but the numbers have significantly increased.

Truancy is not the same as school refusal

So how on earth would “screens” cause your child’s potential diagnosis?

I think to a certain extent it's rose tinted glasses.

I went to a tiny village school in the late 80s early 90s... I didn't fit in and was badly bullied. I usually went in ok, but would run home (through the woods!) during the school day 😬

Recently diagnosed as neurodivergent - no one had a clue at the time. I'm glad schools are (generally) more supportive now.

I do agree that things are more difficult in some ways though. More pressure, more choices (in shops, on TV), hectic schedules. It's a lot as a parent, never mind for a young child!

I don't think you're being unreasonable but I think the school system is making it harder for all children, which means neurodivergent children are having an even tougher time than they did in the 80s/90s. Typical mainstream children are struggling with sensory overload and schools seem chaotic and noisy - and not in a 'child noise' way but in an overwhelming way. The whole world is noisier and busier. So it makes sense that neurodivergent children who maybe didn't stick out too much AS neurodivergent back then but have now been diagnosed in adulthood correlates with neurodivergent children struggling more in the current environment.

My dad was autistic and dyslexic. At school in the 1950s he was just labelled thick and weird. I'm glad we're not going back to that.

That’s interesting. My daughter (9) came home one day this week to tell me she’d spent more time on a iPad at school than she ever does at home.

School refusers have always been there. Truancy wasn't as policed then as it is now, so less were picked up is all.

I had one student who was dragged in and would never come out from under the table. She'd run out if the door was unblocked and lock herself in the toilets.

I do think that autism/adhd has become the go to explanation for any poor performance in school. In my time before autism diagnosis became popular, It would be assumed that the child was just not academic /better suited to practical things (meaning factory work) or just not that bright.

Having said all that my state education in the 70s was truly awful.
Abusive,incompetent teachers were the norm so I don't think going back is the answer.

Thats no different from the past - I think you have rose coloured glasses on.

I think society is more stressful now than when we were children. And I think that neurodivergent people are the ones who tend to suffer most from this. So I think you are right to say that there is a problem with our society, but it's also likely that your child is neurodivergent which is why they, more than others, struggle to cope. It's also why we've seen a "rise" in neurodivergence. There hasn't really been a rise, it was always there, it's just the high-pressured society has made it more difficult for them.

But we didn’t cope. We had to twist and turn ourselves into something we are not.

Imagine going to work or school each day and having to act like someone who spoke 5 languages fluently. You know you don’t but you keep yourself small and in the background hoping no one notices you, trying to copy what others did and said. The knowledge that you don’t speak 5 languages and if you drew attention to yourself then you would be found out and the feeling of humiliation that would bring

You know that this lie will be found out at some stage. As keeping up the lie is exhaustng and at that point you know your life will crumble.

Getting the assessment and realising that you aren’t the same as others around you is ok.
I think today the recognition that without support many people would not exist or we would waste our life trying to fit in and being something we are not

In june 2024, the BMA said 1 in 100 children have a diagnosis. They were concerned it was being under diagnosed and there is a big waiting list.

The government's strategy is based on 700,000 people (adults and children,) having a diagnosis but we know 200k people are on the pathway to diagnosis and they believe that numbers should really be over a million.

I think a lot of people use nd to cover a lot of conditions and suspected conditions and possibly just some autistic traits, so numbers look higher than they are.

I mean, it could be both?

I think autism/ADHD are much more prevalent than previously thought, but also agree that modern schools are extremely stressful for children, and that will show up more for any child who has any additional difficulties.

I do think a lot of children were dismissed or overlooked in the past. I appreciate it might feel differently if a 1980s style classroom would have suited your child. I wasn't at school in the 80s but judging by some of the MN threads that periodically come around, I am not sure that 80s teaching/discipline methods would have suited a sensitive, emotional child, and I think that the way autistic children tend to see fairness can be different from the way that neurotypical teachers often see it, and a child getting upset because something didn't go the way they expected or because they perceived something as unfair could be taken as disrespectful.

Plenty of schools are operating with reduced class sizes due to fewer children entering education on account of low birthrate. In my city, most central primaries are reducing forms or going to mixed year groups. In rural areas small classes in small schools are definitely a thing.

As a primary teacher with 30 years experience, I think the way schools are operating now really is much more pressured than when I entered the profession. We expect much, much more from children, much earlier in terms of their development. Staff levels in classes is down across the board so fewer adults to support.

I also have a child who was referred for an NHS autism assessment by her primary school SENDCo, and who was -a long 4 years later, and only after fast-tracking as things were really breaking down- diagnosed. I don't dispute the diagnosis but I am certain that my child would not have struggled so badly even 15 years ago, let alone when I first started teaching. And had my DC gone to school in my country of origin, where learning is framed and resourced altogether differently, DC would have had a very different experience of education. It's such a pity because DC now feels defined by the difficulties DC has experienced in education.

Haven’t read the full thread but I was in front of a class of older primary age children this week after quite a length of time of not mixing with this age group. I was shocked at the lack of concentration and to be honest that they were allowed to get away with it, frequent activity breaks etc. it must be so difficult to teach in a classroom now

I do think there are some personality types that found it easier to find a niche in earlier generations. Not the 80s and 90s. More like the 17th century. My nephew has ADHD and autism. He’d have made an excellent ship’s mate on a tall ship, climbing the rigging and being on deck in all weather. He’s simply not cut out to sit still in a classroom and there’s something wrong when a society has to drug a child to make that possible. I think he’ll be fine once he has completed GCSEs and has more choice, but school has been an endless struggle.

I have two children diagnosed with ADHD and one is also diagnosed autistic.
Both are high functioning and at university. Most people wouldn't know.

I am convinced that it is modern life and in particular screens. I don't think they are necessarily ND. I think the modern environment causes kids today to deal with an endless stream of random distraction and this then means they cannot focus properly. They never spend time just sitting thinking.

If I had my parenting time again I would not allow them screens but the reality is that this isn't sustainable in today's world. I also think kids today are massively overloaded for no reason and they don't have time alone in their own heads. They are constantly doing activities and being rushed from place to place. For no real benefit really. Few adults suddenly get out their violin and play even they learned as a child. Few adults suddenly perform a high level ballet routine in their kitchen. Even the kids who are the top of their sports class/club rarely go on to be professional athletes. The chances are extremely slim but it dominates their lives (and also causes stress and lack of downtime for parents).

Kids need time to learn how to just be. To get bored. To think through their feelings rather than just numbing their brains with distractions.

Both of my kids are at uni sharing halls and houses with others. They say that most people stay in their rooms most of the time - even in the sociable halls. They might go out and party a couple of times a week but 90% of the time they are in their rooms with their doors closed on their phones rather than sitting around just chatting and learning how to interact properly.