To think perhaps my son isn’t autistic but instead modern society is too challenging for him to cope with.

I think life was often less stressful in many ways for autistic kids in the 80s and 90s, but that doesnt mean they werent autistic.

My children were at school in the 90s and I can tell you that classes were very much disrupted by a few children. It was a 3 class village school, 120 - 150 pupils. There were no TAs. There were volunteer mums and grandparents who went in solely to hear reading. Schools were very very reluctant to pursue assessments for behavioural issues because it was seen as a sign the school was unable to "control" these "problem" children. On top of this, parents were very much against having their children labelled in any way. "Oh he's just a bundle of energy", "He's just high spirited", "He doesn't like being to told what to do", "He's unconventional" were all excuses I heard about one child. He was actually a pain in the ass and a major disruption (and a friend of my child so the mayhem was in my house quite often). He was only given the help he really needed when he was in year 9 at secondary school and his behaviour had escalated to real violence and danger to others, such as throwing people down flights of stairs, throwing chairs etc. So the 90s wasn't a safe, cosy time. It was noisy and chaotic too.

I think the autistic kids have always been there but coped better with school in the past so their asd was never picked up. Our current school system needs a complete overhaul.

My aunt (who was very strict and shouty and I didn't like) had the entire children's encyclopedia Britannica. Despite finding her abrasive is beg to go there to read facts. I would still love an entire encyclopedia library. I used to buy textbooks of science subjects at the local thrift shop. I was reading gcse biology books in primary school. Incidentally I got full marks in my a level biology 😂 definitely my specialist subject

An absolutely normal part of human development being considered a sign of mental disability.

I agree with you, although I’m not coming from the same perspective.

People are ADHD and Autistic the way some people are left handed. It’s social expectations, prejudices, working conditions, the education system that makes it a disabling experience for many who would thrive in a different environment.

For example, why be labelled weird because you find eye contact difficult, or don’t want to make small talk on your lunch break? Not everyone needs to conform to the expectations set by a neuro-typical majority.

I know. The point I'm making is that previously it was LABELLED truancy. There wasn't a 'school refusal' label in the 90s. It was just called truancy.

So no, school refusal was a much smaller problem in the 90s. Because the kids were just labelled truant. But no one chased them up anyway.

In a more general sense (not just your young son's) I think you have a point, OP.

I often question whether human beings are equipped to cope with the demands of the modern world. Technology and society has evolved extremely fast over the last 30 years but we are still basically the same as when we first started to make tools from bits of flint.

I think the MH crisis (and I'm not one who just blames Covid - I think the causes are much more long-term and profound) is one symptom of this. So many people, and even young people who we're all told are good at coping with the modern world - are just retreating into themselves, or into their sanctuaries, to get away from the stuff coming at them so relentlessly from all directions.

You have to be very strong, and have good strategies and a support network, to survive Western society in 2025.

Everyone in my family; my parents, me, my brothers, my son, most of my uncles and aunts and many of my cousins, were proficient walkers well before a year old and running with ease by our first birthdays. It's completely and utterly normal. On the physically advanced end of the scale sure, but still well within the range of normal.

This is what people mean when they talk about over diagnosis. An absolutely normal part of human development being considered a sign of mental disability.

I think there’s some selection bias here in the sense that parents of neuro-diverse children are more likely to choose small, nurturing schools if they possibly can. So those children are likely over represented in your son’s class.

Encyclopedias are constantly coming up in adults who has received later age diagnoses of neurodivergence. It feels way beyond one of those 'we all lived the same life' things (obviously in conjunction with other indicators).

Yup. ADHD babies often walk super early. Way before a year old. 8 or 9 months is not uncommon. It's one of the first indicators.

I just think modern life in general is just way to much for everybody regardless of NT/ND status. Everything is so full on, instant, in your face. We are way more connected by instant messages and images and videos from all around the world yet I feel we are becoming less connected as humans.

There is just so much stress about having bigger and better and living your 'best life' whilst documenting it all that most of us are forgetting to actually really live at all.

This all filters down to the kids - they must be doing A* at school, whilst also excelling at a music instrument and making a sports team plus doing well at a million other activities. They are also much more aware of things going on in the world than we were at thier age so they also take on that stress whilst not fully understanding it.

I agree. I even saw a toddler in a pushchair engrossed with her tablet the other day. This should have been a good opportunity for her to look at the world around her and chat about it with her mother or fall asleep if she ----was tired. I think these highly coloured screens are over stimulating and making attention spans shorter. There was never a golden age but I do think small children need a slower pace of life. There was a delightful post-war radio programme called Listen with Mother, which was broadcast at 1.45 pm, immediately after Watch with Mother on the TV, which was at 1,30 pm. There is a complete recording of Listen with Mother from 1965 on YouTube - l remember listening to the programmes in the late sixties and early seventies when not at school. There was a song, usually a nursery rhyme, then a story, with the immortal words:”Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin.” This was followed by another nursery rhyme and ended with Berceuse from the Dolly Suite by Fauré, which was probably the first piece of classical music most children heard. Listening to the YouTube clip, I was struck not only by the clipped RP accents, but by the way it was taken for granted that even very small children would have the concentration and attention span needed for an unhurried, gentle, softly spoken programme such as this.

It was truancy for me in the 90s, school refusal for my DD in the 10s. Exactly the same thing, we just didn’t have the right words or level of understanding back then. I was punished, she was listened to. We don’t ask ‘why?’ in the 90s, by the 10s not only do we ask why, but we knew the answer.

They have very different definitions schoolavoidance.org/school-avoidance-vs-truancy/

I suppose it is on a spectrum.

Surely it’s linked. People aren’t inherently ‘disabled’. Everyone has ability. People are disabled by their environment, because it doesn’t cater to their needs.

IME school has become a lot more pressurised academically than it used to be, in terms of the amount of content they have to get through, education targets (mainly based on exam results) and the formulaic nature of exams/testing.

IMHO, the most important targets should be children leaving school feeling they’re part of a (kind, inclusive, safe, stable) community, happy, confident, with a lifelong love of reading and learning, innovative and aware of how to learn and think critically (i.e. how to research, verify and assess information).

Plus, a broad curriculum which includes philosophy (to understand people have always had different ways of viewing the world and themselves) and languages (which helps understand your own language and culture, as well as others). Plus, a curriculum that equally values/timetables creative (art, music, drama, construction), practical (cooking, gardening, mechanics) and physical (sport, dance) subjects. I was lucky to attend a fully inclusive and comprehensive state secondary school and so many people (even those who were very academic) went on to very successful careers in theatre design, music, sport, mechanics (F1, aeronautical design), horticulture, food etc because of enjoying, and being encouraged in, these subjects at school.

It’s also so important for children to feel the world is predominantly full of good people (the truth) and to have plenty of opportunities to enjoy being out and about in nature or calm spaces meeting others. But the zeitgeist tends to be all the bad things going on in the world (wars, knife crime, sexual abuse, angry people), which IMHO can make some kids understandably feel safer to stay at home.

And everyday life now has much more sensory overload: advertising everywhere, moving visuals on endless screens, 24hr news, traffic, schedules, rushing from one place to the next, huge busy shops and public spaces, even household appliances and lighting. Most of us feel the need to lie down in a darkened room on a regular basis.

He should keep up the Lego 🙂

My DS is on waitlist for autism assessment, he’s 4. I think it’s a case that modern life is very challenging for ND people. And not just 2025, but recent decades also.

I believe my son has certain traits that would have THRIVED in a hunter gatherer small island village, running amok with other children , ‘heavy work’, climbing trees and exploring. But sitting quietly (and still) for circle time , navigating busy/noisy/chaotic indoor places etc, following instructions and social norms is very challenging for him

It might not be exactly the same but there has got to be a significant overlap.

I did not thrive as an undiagnosed autistic child at primary school in the 1980s. I was bullied to fuck constantly- mostly by boys-and none of the adults seemed to notice/care.

I then went to a girls' grammar and it was bliss in comparison socially (a high % of "weird", "spoddy" girls, a low discipline culture- everyone just seemed to automatically behave well), although I kind of coasted academically. I remember my parents being summoned in a few times though- I remember my exercise books- absolutely covered in doodles- being presented as evidence of my wrongdoing. I'd like to think that nowadays twitchy kids who like to doodle as a concentration aid would just be given some sheets of rough paper and allowed to crack on!

One thing that hasn't been mentioned here re school is "borture"- a phrase I think coined by Pen Holderness meaning that boredom is absolute torture. I remember feeling this a lot at secondary! (suspect I might be AuDHD, but cba to get another diagnosis).

DS2 is on the autism pathway. He's thriving at his primary, due to being very very clever and academic. (His previous primary was very hippy, very laid back, full of SEN kids with poorly managed behaviour, so lots of screeching, punching, kicking....it suited some, but he is FAR happier in a more traditional, structured environment!). He's had some social problems (tendency to punch people if taunted), but it has been firmly but sensitively dealt with and he's doing better socially.

I've just been discussing his IEP with his form teacher- we're already looking at the transition to secondary next year- and they do make some accommodations for him with things like PE. I could only dream of having had accommodations made for me at that age!

Today is some kind of dress up day for CIN and he has flatly refused to do it and that's fine. He also refuses to wear PE kit and just does PE in school uniform and trainers and that's fine too, apparently.

DS1 is already in Y11 at the secondary. He is NT, possibly with "traits". It is fairly pressured and rigid- they've just brought in a new raft of pointless uniform rules- and the pressure in the run up to GCSEs is insane.If they've had one assembly/ parents evening stressing the value of attendance/ the importance of GCSEs they've had 10! I went to just one and it made me feel anxious and stressed! In addition, they have 2 sets of mocks. DS1 is just coping with it, but I can see a lot of kids struggling. However, I do know a lot of ND kids there who are thriving (Although the ones that attended the "hippy" primary all seem to have crashed out spectacularly 🤔).

I don't think that's quite right - poor academic performance is not even on the criteria for autism (whereas it might be an indicator for ADHD, although not always). Autism can affect anybody of any IQ level.

I don't think it was right to simply write people off as not being very bright, although I appreciate it was a simple explanation that seemed to make sense at the time. It's good that psychologists/researchers are looking at patterns to see whether there are groups of children/people who have similar difficulties and whether there is an identifiable underlying cause and/or how they can be helped and supported. I do think there is a lot more for us to understand than we currently do. It seems like many different neurodivergent conditions, e.g. dyslexia, dyspraxia, ADHD and autism etc, seem to overlap and sometimes it seems like pure chance of which professional somebody sees first as to which diagnosis/es they get. I do wonder sometimes if some of the distinctions are somewhat arbitrary. My own son has a diagnosis of ADHD, but has a lot of autistic traits and some professionals have told me that this is usual, that children who have ADHD often have autistic traits but not always enough for a full diagnosis.

Yep, if my son gets 3 hours solid exercise everyday he can manage a school day about 90% the level of a neurotypical equivalent child (looking at his peers) he still struggles with anxiety, changes to routine and transitions but can focus on given tasks. And thank goodness his school is so understanding about any small concessions he needs to make it easier.

She is in year 1 but a summer born so only 5 years and 4 months, and has reading homework 4 x a week, maths x 3 a week and handwriting 5 x a week in the evenings. It’s mad.

Mad indeed and disgraceful.