To think perhaps my son isn’t autistic but instead modern society is too challenging for him to cope with.

Bet you think paracetamol causes it too. 🙄

I’m absolutely not wrong. I’ve been told exactly this on multiple occasions by very experienced professionals. Don’t need to feel better either. I’m hugely proud of my dc. Your goady post was ableist too as well as ignorant.

You could not be more wrong, but whatever makes you feel better 😘

Your ignorance is very clear.

They have to manage every second of every day, day in and day out with significant difficulties that have a huge impact on life.

That is true resilience.

He was only 2 years old when the country locked down and everyone masked up.

Do you think that could've had an affect on him?

I sometimes wonder if the pictures is just more complicated than it's ND causing all the struggles. I do think that life is more complicated, but I also feel that feel have forgotten about a lot of the complexities we dealt with in the past.

And you can also wonder if part of the cause is not something like instability at home or bullying in school. What if child does not have a stable home life with parents with mental health problems or frequent instances of domestic violence? What is a child is frequently bullied in school? How could they not struggle when this is their life?

Children with autism and ADHD are some of the most resilient children out there.

”Modern life” isn’t the problem. The problem is that parents just aren’t teaching their children to be resilient anymore.

Parents should be teaching resilience from toddlerhood, but they aren’t, and then they wonder why their kids can’t cope when they grow older 🧐

I have 3ND kids.

My ex was diagnosed with ADHD in his 30’s, he’s spent his whole life underachieving, being unable to hold down a job and self medicating with illegal substances. I strongly suspect I have ADHD too (disruptive at school, hyperactive, poor focus, bright but couldn’t apply myself to things I found boring, forgetful). I grew up being told I was a problem, from my parents, school, everybody. I bounced from job to job and eventually trained in a job I could excel in (acute clinical healthcare) but my self worth is on the floor and I suffer from anxiety and depression amongst other things.

My children understand themselves, my autistic 9 year old would have been bullied in the 80’s and 90’s for his differences, but today he is giving a presentation to his year 4 class on autism and what that means. Modern life won’t be easy for any of them but the advance in understanding and inclusivity means that hopefully they’ll grow up without severe mental health problems, substance abuse and crippling self doubt. They’ll understand where they excel and where they will need support and so will their peers, schools and workplaces. ND kids were always there, but they were ostracised and made to feel less than by everybody and everything, and had to navigate a world not set up for them without any knowledge or understanding. We have come such a long way.

Posts like this are hysterical. Sugar and stress don’t cause autism. 🙄

I think there are some very rose-tinted glasses on here. Bullying of ND kids - not just by other kids but also by teachers and other adults - was rife. Children who would now be recognised as autistic were labelled as retarded or ostracised for being weird. Children with what we would now call ADHD were constantly punished, physically in some cases. Children with what we would now call dyspraxia were relentlessly mocked by PE teachers - I remember a PE teacher calling a child a spastic. The cohort who we would now place in a "nurture group" and recognise as experiencing EBSA were still out of school, but instead of an EOTAS package they were smoking Lambert & Butler under the slide in the play park and shoplifting from Boots out of boredom. And if the "thickos" and "weirdos" left without any GCSEs this was because they were thick and weird and not because the schools were failing them.

As per the norm with MN ND threads there is clearly a huge about of ignorance on here as to what gets an Autism or ADHD diagnosis .

Having worked in a few overseas boarding schools I can categorically say that this is what happens to the children of the wealthy in countries that don't recognise ADHD/autism. Their children are sent, often overseas, to expensive overseas schools, ideally to fix, and if not to fix, to cope with.

I think you misunderstand. Not every early walker is ADHD. But it can be an indicator. To indicate isn't a diagnosis. The testing for ADHD is about 4 hours long, so early walking is just a tiny addition to the information gathered.

Many, many children undertake ADHD testing and do not get an ADHD diagnosis. Assuming over diagnosis of educational psychologists and paediatricans assumes you know better than highly qualified professionals. But if that fits your narrative, nothing anyone can say will make a difference.

OP is describing too many magazines at the supermarket and "bright lights". Her kids barely watch tv or have other tech in their lives, much less social media.

There were bright lights and "too much happening" in 1970 or 1930.

Kids who didn't cope got packed off to boarding school or learned to cope with diverse unexpected situations from lots of street play.

imho, the only truly important big difference between kids now and kids 50+ yrs ago is the lack of free ranging which was hugely helpful in getting kids to learn problem solving, self-control, consequences, relationship and risk management from a very young age.

Another factor is what is happening to women while pregnant: constant stress; and also high sugar/fat food habits and gestational diabetes.

A brilliant theory has just come to me, which you are all welcome to pick holes in.

Perhaps in the past it was easier to be an autistic boy and more difficult to be an autistic girl

And more difficult to be an ADHD boy but easier to be an ADHD girl?

Reasoning: men were/ are expected to be poor at communications, "emotions" etc, and a lot of accommodations were unconsciously made for them ("don't disturb your father!" etc etc). There were a lot of typically "man" jobs available (engineering, working with figures etc). It was considered completely normal for men to have intense solitary hobbies (Although trainspotters have always been the butt of jokes to be fair!)

Meanwhile women were expected to be the nurturers, the child raisers, the communicators and emotional smoother- overs and the ones making the accommodations. No wonder so many people report their suspected autistic mums as being cold, weird and unhappy during their childhoods. And why so many women are seeking a diagnosis in middle age.

Meanwhile, disruptive boys were getting literally battered (I witnessed my Y5 teacher literally dragging the class troublemaker out of the room by his ear), told they were useless, getting kicked out of school and left to rot as teenage impulsiveness kicked in, getting into trouble and frequently ending up on the prison merry-go-round.

While their female ADHD peers- typically less hyperactive- would coast through, quietly failing, sometimes indulging their impulsive side in risky sexual behaviour as teens, but with a clear future ahead of them as slightly scatty wives and mums.

I'm sure I'm generalising a lot here though.

Id say in school holiday he presents as neurotypical. Hence my question.

Is that because you adapt to suit him?

I did with my kids - I knew they needed count downs and reminders and one instruction at time repeated back to get things done.

DS did in Y1 and Y2 get teahcers who did 5 minutes end of day this is what will be happening next day with small group of mainly boys and it made it easier for DS to cope. School misses his dire working memory issues and staff frequently got annoyed when he was given 2 or 3 instructions few moments later he'd be lost and confused. Nephew dislikes being touched - so family find other ways to get his attention or warn him prior a touch is coming- school staff keep touch him lightly to get attention or get him in right directions causing melt downs but they keep doing it as do some of the kids now.

Didn't mean to go off on one, sure you're doing your best, I just saw so much in common in my own life, as a person and as a parent. It's hard. We control so very little, but we do control some. I also struggle to get my son out the house and he is 13 now, basically it's the threat of no privileges until he has done some exercise, seen the outside world etc! - Wish you all the very best

EDIT - meant to add - nothing about any diagnosis is an excuse or a note to get out of jail free. It's always much more like a map or a guidebook - now you know XYZ, you can approach life in a different way, a way that is more content. So those things can happen now, if your guidebook said "don't go to shiny noises things", you'd change your life to avoid them where possible and when you can't, you'd react differently because you would have different context. You can start that now, without an official note.

It wasn’t easier in the 80s/90s - my AuDHD went completely undiagnosed and my self esteem got battered by teachers constantly telling me that I was intelligent and capable and just letting myself down by rushing and making silly mistakes even though I was trying my best not to. I would get detentions for silly impulsive behaviour and my poor coordination meant I was rubbish at things like sport so never got picked for a team as everything was competitive. I was bullied for my awkwardness, difficulty making eye contact and intense personality.

School refusal also wasn’t a thing back then like it is now - if you refused to go to school you got grounded. There were no SENCOs or nurture groups or amended timetables or sensory rooms.

The difference now is that children having difficulties are recognised much more and not just expected to behave and get on with it. Parents also have the advantage of access to information and support via the internet.

80s/90s neurodivergent kids got resilient and better at masking but at the expense of our confidence and mental health.

Not autism in my family adhd- dyslexia and dyspraxia (DCD) sensory proceesing issues always there - and it was a reflief to get some diagosnes for me in 20s as had internalised it was me as 80 and 90s schools weren't great.

However my kids are similar to me and I think prior decades would have coped much better and if we'd ahd them later probbaly not cope at all.

We had me home when they were young - watched diets had lost of walking lots of outside lots of downtime and lots of home support lot of routine and scaffolding - if we were starting out now that would be so much harder to do as we'd need two nearly full time wages.

School have since covid also got much worse for the DC - noise lack lots of disruption. Without home support I don't think it possible to catch up like I did - there no space left to do that. On other side it's was much easier to find out how to offer support thanks to internet than it was for my own parents.

So I think many ND conditions always been there but there more and more with them no longer coping with modern life.

Why is he on the waiting list to get an assessment?

We all have autistic traits but having multiple traits could indicate autism - so there must be several behaviours that’s he’s displaying that are non typical?

I got diagnosed age 50 ,I was an 80s child in school
No I didn't cope
It Was an absolute nightmare ...the bullying was utterly horrific back then..
I literally didn't speak ever at school.
But that was ok for the teachers as I was an easy child for them.
I couldn't cope with the noise or smells of school ,and once at secondary I barely went ..no one cared or bothered where I was .. usually shoplifting or hitch hiking in lorrys with men ..also had two suicide attempts during school hours ,that maybe wouldn't of happened if I'd been in school...
Don't miminise autism..it has ruined my life ..
Let your son get the help he needs op x