To think perhaps my son isn’t autistic but instead modern society is too challenging for him to cope with.

That’s a powerful image. I agree that does seem to be the case for a lot of children. If they could they’d be scaling the walls to escape (and some can and do).

This. We have no choice but to cram in so much even though we hate it.

This is a perfect example of why your child does in fact need a diagnosis. So he can be understood as autistic instead of lacking resilience.

There are legitimate reasons that more children with SEN are being born (not saying any of these apply in OP's case).
More EDCs and microplastics in the environment.
Stress on mothers while baby in womb : modern life is increasingly stressful and people are reporting increased stress, especially women.
Older mothers more common which increases risk.
Also we can save more premature babies which is obviously wonderful but does mean that they're more likely to have SEN.

Personally I dont think it's screens. ADHD and autism existed long before screens did.....also whoever pointed out people with ADHD apparently have no issues focusing on screens-you do know we also experience HYPER FOCUS as well right? So the ADHD brain actually does have the capacity to hyperfoucs, especially if it's something that gives a nice rush of dopamine (which shirt form media certainly does-its the instant gratification feeling). Obv back before that existed it could have been books or certain topics etc.

I do agree that life is certainly, louder, brighter and busier than it used to be. Personally I've ended up having to get Loop ear plugs as the sensory overload got so bad I couldn't function at least with them it cuts out the background noise which helps with the overstimulation and being able to concentrate a bit better.

I wouldn't say it was easier in the 90s. In fact I'll straight out say as a woman it was 100x harder, simply because the only kind of ADHD/autism that existed was based entirely on the symptoms boys presented as a really the only studies ever done on either were very very heavily generally based and essentially just based on how boys behaved.

And even then, looking back I can clearly remember the kids who did have the outwardly disruptive behaviour but it was always just out down to bad behaviour (which now with more understanding of ND conditions would be recognised as symptoms). But the for the majority of girls there was basically a tiny tiny chance anyone would even have cotemplated them being ND, especially as for one, a lot of girls with autism became very very good as masking (more so than boys) and also a hell of a lot of girls were displaying symptoms of predominantly INATTENTIVE ADHD either without the hyperactivity, or as we now understand with the hyperactivity mainly being confined to their brains (you know having a brain that NEVER EVER STOPS). they didn't even know back then that there as more than one type (now broken down into Predominantly Hyperactive, Predominantly Inattentive or if you're lucky like me you get the joy of the Combined type 🫠)

There is a huge genetic component to Austin and ADHD (and also other conditions like dyslexia/dyspraxia) which is why you end up seeing families with more than one kid who has it (and when you dig a bit deeper usually realise either one of both parents have symptoms) . In fact I think that's why so many women in their 30s (who have kids that are being diagnosed because we test and recognise it more) often have a lightbulb moment doing their kids being assessed where they realise "holy shit....this is me...this is how I've thought and behaved all my life that I just assumed was normal" and that can be what prompts then to be assessed themselves.

I disagree wholly that ADHD is being overdiagnosed and anyone who disagreed I strongly suggest you read both parts 1 and part 2 of the NHS England commissioned ADHD taskforce to learn the ACTUAL facts and statistics.

Part 1: NHS England » Report of the independent ADHD Taskforce: Part 1 https://share.google/oMzTl7Z1skO9Eh5FD

Part 2: NHS England » Report of the independent ADHD Taskforce: Part 2 https://share.google/UGl3yKwjlpzZUyGZ2

Also for ADHD medication (which actually is one of the most studied and reached and also classed as one as the most effective medications given it helps the majority of those who take it) you NEED to have an diagnosis to access it. And it's honestly certainly for me changed my life for the better. I said earlier that for me the "hyperactivity" is mostly in my brain-well is till vividly remember ten first day I took my mediction-my brain was quiet. I mean...silent. peaceful. For the first time in my entire life it was calm. Suddenly things which I had spent my whole life struggling with, became easier to do. I liken it to playing your entire life in hard mode and then realising that with meds you're now playing it in normal mode. Its not a cure, but a good tool to help you cope better and function better.

I completely agree!

Modern life is over-stimulating and there's plenty wrong with the education system, but that doesn't mean autistic kids aren't autistic. Also, schools and life in the 70s, 80s and even 90s weren't exactly kind in many ways to those who didn't fit in or behave typically.

I've taught in secondary schools for 30 years, so I've witnesssd the massive increase in the diagnosis, acceptance and support of ND students, though obviously that doesn't mean it's consistent or sufficient in all schools.

I relate a lot to what you're saying, my daughter is six and has a lot of sensory sensitivities, meltdowns and at times has hated going to school. School say she is very quiet (she isn't) and have spoken to us about her anxiety.

Given more freedom, choice & control in the weekends, school holidays etc. she is much, much happier and more chill.

I think I am very similar to her but my childhood was zero pressure, we basically didn't do anything except play out with neighbourhood friends, watch tv, and see my nan?! No restaurants, clubs, etc. School felt easy even though I had no friends. Life was just chill so I had nothing to worry about. I think we put too much pressure on them and they don't have enough time for free play.

I think the school environment is very challenging for a lot of young people.
So do you try and change the child or the environment?
If you had a beautiful plant that loved the sun but planted it in the shade it wouldn't thrive.
You would change the environment for the plant.
But when it comes to school the tendency is to force the child to adapt, no matter what cost to that child.
I don't know how much longer we can go on pretending one style of teaching in one style of environment is working, and that the ones that are struggling have failed in some way.
We are failing them by this ludicrous narrow minded mindset.

It was worse in the 80s and 90s, I was a neurodiverse child and treated like a freak, not just by the other kids but the adults too.

Just because there were less diagnoses, doesn't mean there were less kids suffering.

I don't agree with that. I think we let children down and justify it as 'teaching resilience' ie it's like some kind of hyperfocus. Children are resilient, teenagers are resilient, adults are resilient. It's just not infinite.

Wrote the almost same thing then read your post! But absolutely what I think!

I actually think that there is an element of truth in this because classrooms today are packed PowerPoint slides, video clips, loads of noise and busy conversations. When I was at school things were much calmer and slower, more hands on tasks and less distractions. As a teacher I try not to overwhelm students but pressure to teach in certain ways and get things done isn’t creating a great environment sometimes.

And doesn't come close to explaining why autism and ADHD clusters in families!

I am a teacher and I agree with you. I think back to twenty or so years ago and think that school was more accessible. The pace was slower. That was more focus on making learning fun. Teachers had more freedom to plan activities that would suit their class. Kids were happier and schools were more inclusive.

Yes, humans are animals. We did not evolve to deal with modern life, we evolved to live in small hunter gatherer groups in the wilderness.

Of course there's loads of wonderful things about modern life, but also a lot that is simply not designed with us in mind.

Take noise pollution - it has severe negative effects on human health and yet we have noise everywhere. Sirens, traffic, beeping toys, loud music played without headphones etc. Sure, many people with autism are especially sensitive to noise but it's actually bad for everybody and just worse for them.

Same with many other aspects of daily life. They don't actually suit anybody e.g. expecting kids to sit still for hours at a time in school. The inherent problems with that are most noticeable with kids with ADHD but it's actually bad for everyone.

I don't think screens are a problem as much as the devices behind them, and in particular internet- the internet is both a dream and a nightmare for someone with ADHD and/or autism. I enjoy being able to access information and entertainment, but I'm aware it allows me to jump between tabs in a way that indulges my inability to concentrate. Sometimes when I'm tired and I don't want to force myself to focus then it's fine, fun even, but when I do want to focus it's a real barrier.

But screens alone I have no issue with. My kindle is great and far from addictive, and I like the routine of live programmed television. It's the different devices which can exacerbate issues.

I sometimes think that my son is like those bears you see at the zoo who pace around their enclosure or chew their paws/ pull out their own hair/ are violent and there’s a sign up which says something about how the bear is working with the animal psychologist and has an enriched enclosure and you know that the only thing wrong with the bear is that it’s in captivity.

I had GD and there was no reference to it at all during the assessment. I did find our assessment and subsequent report to be farcical tbh.

I absolutely agree that Autism and ADHD have a situational component.
I have a 7 year old son with ADHD with very stereotypical presentation that most people think of when they think of ADHD.
In the summer we went off grid for our holiday. It wasn’t for everyone but it really made me think as my son was the calmest and happiest I’ve ever seen him and it’s made me think about how we approach things.

For example, we’ve always tried to get him outside for an hour or so after school every day plus whatever he gets at lunch/ break at school but I think he could actually do with more like 10 hours.
I’ve noticed that even the playpark is designed to be played with in a certain way. Kids don’t climb trees anymore and studies have shown that children now are much weaker than they used to be so kids aren’t getting the same sensory input on their bodies.

The OT recommended ‘heavy work’ to help with calming, attention and sensory input but I noticed when we were away that he got that just as part of our day, collecting, carrying and chopping wood and carrying water.

At home I’ve tried to do all the things people tell you to do for neurodiverse kids, swimming lessons, football, beavers etc but I’ve realised that all of this is structured and he has very little freedom and control over his day because his whole day is structured.

I feel like our life is very sterile and prescribed but at the same time you are bombarded with information. Even our lights are brighter and our music and electronics increase sensory overload.

Yes, I think we are all overloaded.

Back in the 80s we had a few TV channels, books/newspapers/magazines and the radio. Things were much calmer.

Life is too fast for a lot of people now. We were certainly never meant to be bombarded by information at the speed we are now.

This.

I think mine are down the back of the sofa, sticky and covered in dirt and hair!

@Lougle this is brilliant. A friend explained spoon theory to me a year ago. My spoons are permanently in the dishwasher at the moment. It’s a really useful analogy.

I guess what I'd say to that is, "All these other children are going to the same environment and experiencing the same stimuli, and doing the same activities. So why do they have spoons left and your DS doesn't?"

Don't take that as a criticism. I have 3 who don't have spoons left and in fact their spoons were lost, not just dirty, so they ended up in specialist education.

Your DS, stretching the analogy, is still able to wash his spoons and have them ready for the next day, or the next week, at the moment. He needs the support now before he starts losing his spoons.

Whether it's the fault of modern society (I think it plays a big part) or the consequence of an innately different brain function, this is the world he is living in and not coping with. So he needs the help to cope and live.

He needs support to do as much as he can and to work out what he can do, what is hard but doable, and what he really can't do. The more he can't do, the harder his life will be, so if there are things that can be done to reduce the impact of environments, that's helpful.