To think perhaps my son isn’t autistic but instead modern society is too challenging for him to cope with.

Most girls with ADHD do not stick out like a sore thumb because they are often incredibly good at masking, especially if they are very bright. I was at an all girls grammar school in the 1980s. I can’t honestly think of anyone who seemed like they had ADHD. I did. Whenever I tell anyone, they are extremely surprised.

We do know that ADHD is often inherited and there are some prenatal factors (can’t remember what) that increase the likelihood.

We also know that people with ADHD are more vulnerable to excessive screen use because it gives a dopamine hit. ADHD adults typically do a lot of doom scrolling and many of us love computer/phone games.

i would also think that excessive screen use can amplify some typical ADHD traits - poor focus and short attention span. So in that sense you are probably correct to a degree.

i would imagine most parents witb a mixture of ADHD and NT kids will say that with hindsight that the ADHD kid had lots of traits as a baby. For example my DC2 gave up daytime naps at 9 months and still wanted to get up and play at 4am. They also quite obviously had some sensory issues.

if you have ADHD, you are born with it. It is a neurodievelopmental difference. So in summary I can see that excessive screen use might make people mimic some ADHD behaviours or might amplify the traits if they do have ADHD. I do not belief that screen use causes ADHD because it is a brain difference that we are born with.

There are different assessment processes. For the two year old the process will be very observational. A two year old won't have learned to mask behaviour or learned coping strategies, so their behaviour can be observed and developmental milestones tell us what 'typical' is. The professionals have training to differentiate between frustration behaviours and delays in development Vs disordered development.

A 40 year old professional scientist will be evaluated differently. But most people with ASD don't know that the way they experience life isn't the way everyone experiences life, and even if they do, their explanations often highlight their difficulties.

The assessment process is detailed. When DD2 was assessed, she used the word 'ambushed' 3 times in her explanation of a picture book, which the assessors said was unusual. Bearing in mind that they use the same picture book with all the people they are assessing.

Op if you were saying a much older age I’d agree but age 7 there’s still a lot of the play and fun aspect

Third time lucky!

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I'm sure there's some kind of introduction to Autism course you could take if you're genuinely interested

This is another helpful way of seeing it. Each person will have a different pattern of difficulties.

I think it's helpful to compare to a widely accepted and objectively testable condition to explain this. Down's Syndrome is testable because it arises from a whole or partial extra chromosome 21. However, the way that the presence of the extra chromosome will be evident is variable. Some individuals will be able to pass GCSEs, work, and own their own home. Some will need support workers checking in on them a couple of times per week. Some will require shared accommodation with daily support workers but can be left overnight. Some will require full time care in a group home. Some will require 2:1 support at all times. Some will be physically robust. Some will have hip dysplasia. Some will have normal heart function, some complications requiring medication, others heart defects requiring surgery. Some will have behavioural challenges, others not. Some will have extensive speech and language therapy needs and others will just have a slightly altered voice because of their enlarged tongue. Some will develop early onset dementia. They all have the same condition.

ASD and ADHD are similar. To get a diagnosis for ASD the criteria are and not 'or'. The subject has to have difficulties in several domains. Their difficulties might be most severe in one domain and relatively mild in another, but they must have difficulties in all of the areas.

ADHD has three hallmarks. Inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity. A subject doesn't need to fulfil all 3 areas, but their difficulties must be so significant that it affects daily function, the difficulties must have been present from childhood, and the difficulties must be present in at least two settings. So a child who displays behaviour at school but not at home, or home but not school, would not meet the diagnostic criteria.

Other conditions exist. Some people can have sensory processing disorder. They don't have ASD if they don't also have limits on their social function and restricted patterns of behaviour. Some people can have social communication disorders. They don't have ASD if they don't also have restricted patterns of behaviour.

Liking routine, disliking noise, disliking crowds, etc., aren't, on their own, Autism. It's when those things interfere with an individual's ability to function and they're combined with restricted social-emotional reciprocity, that they are Autism.

This is why brains will look different.

They don't divide into two categories, that's a shorthand. It's a spectrum. You know that.

Because they both have brains I guess. How do you determine eyesight in both a non verbal toddler and a 40 year old professional scientist?

ASD is not about whether you can cope of not

I’m even more confused now!

Saying there is natural variation in people’s brains and how they perceive the world isn’t the same as saying they divide into 2 categories, either ‘NT’ or ‘ND’. I’m just not seeing it, until we have scanned everyone’s brains and found at least a general profile of one and the other, there’s no reason to create such a binary.

Then how does that diagnostic criteria cover both (eg) a non verbal toddler, and a 40 year old professional scientist? What overlaps do they have?

Because there are diagnostic criteria, the same as for every other diagnosable condition in the world.

Because they will have issues with social communication ie talk at you especially on favourite topics, difficulty with eye contact in stressful situations, difficulty reading facial expressions, difficulty finding the right place to join in a conversation, blunt and very honest way of speaking, take things literally. They may struggle with transitions, think in a very black and white way, have sensory issues.
It's more about building up a picture than saying do they do this one specific thing and that equals autism.

DS coped absolutely fine at primary school. he was still diagnosed with Aspergers at 10 though. ASD is not about whether you can cope of not. He was always extremely academic and is now working as a software engineer.

Then how do we know what they all have is autism and the same thing?

Same! Plus there was a lot more structured learning to the school day in Primary School as well as more rote learning, so very much routine based, which would be more helpful to those who may be neuro-diverse.

Modern life puts a lot of pressure on people. The pressure to fit within structured school and societal norms and pipelines.
Those who are different in more ways ....often buckle under the pressure.

Have a look at what autism looks like (whilst keeping in mind that it's unique in the way it is for each individual). Join an autism group and speak to the coordinators so you do an informal self-assessment for your child.

Speaking from lived experience. I am glad we got a diagnosis. It helped my child and me understand them as an individual and to help them navigate life. If your child is ASD you will, likely, hit crisis at transitional points in their life...and it's better to know and work to get through now, together.

Was just talking about this with my husband the other night. Kids brains are being damaged by the technology and the lack of engagement with things that we took for granted in the 70s/80s (freedom both physically and mentally) and I worry about the damage that we will be seeing over the next 10-20 years as it becomes more obvious. Kids are being pushed constantly, to do more, learn more, not be bored, be busy. The ND boom is more about technology affecting developing brains, and children struggling with our modern world. I feel so sad for young families now, it’s so horribly hard just to enjoy life.

Who specifically? Does anyone here feel this applies to them?

I think technology has become a double edged sword especially around young people. I do believe it affects the brain in all age groups.

In the nursery if you pick up the tablet to do an observation or photo they crowd around because they recognise what it is and ask for shows. ND children are also drawn to technology even more than NT children.

Children are generally getting less unmanaged time. They are kept busy and stimulated from babies in childcare to school children in wrap around and clubs. There is less time to use their imagination compared to the generations before.

I think the difference between an ASD diagnosis and no ASD diagnosis can be illustrated by this story:

DD3, aged 8. It's Christmas Jumper day. DD3 has some issues with seams so doesn't have a 'Christmas Jumper' but she does have a couple of jumpers that she can wear and we have some tinsel. I spend 2 hours trying to help her decide what to wear and getting her ready for school.

Eventually, we walk through the school office door at 9.00, with two jumpers, a piece of tinsel and a hairbrush in a plastic bag, and I say "She hasn't had breakfast, her hair isn't brushed, I couldn't get a jumper on her, but we're on time."

Two hours later, I have an answerphone message from the head teacher saying, "You did the right thing. Don't worry. She's wearing the silver jumper, I've done her hair, and we sneaked into the kitchen to steal a chocolate brownie for breakfast."

DD3, aged 16. ASD, ADHD, OCD and PTSD now diagnosed. Goes to an independent special school for children with adverse educational experiences.

Yesterday was Pudsey day. Children could wear pyjamas to school. We had gone out and chosen pyjamas that DD3 liked and could wear in school.

DD3 got the pyjamas on and came to show me them. Then she said "I don't like the change..." I immediately said 'take them off and put your uniform on then. It's not compulsory.' Relieved DD3 changed.

The difference is that I knew that her ASD would make her struggle and I didn't try to persevere with a fruitless task.

When DD3 was 8, I was told she was 'fine', 'highly strung', 'sensory', etc.

Now we know she was masking all her difficulties and we were pushing her and pushing her through.

She a smart cookie, a hard worker, a perfectionist. She broke in year 9.