DHs comments about DDs boyfriend are really pissing me off

What an infuriating response.

How childish.

It’s entirely possible he just doesn’t like him - but surely as an adult he’s learnt how to get along with people he doesn’t like?

Ridiculous. No wonder you’re sick of him.

This.

I'd also ask DH if perhaps what he's feeling is actually fear. Is he scared that DD is going to stop loving him now that she has a lovely boyfriend. Remind him that he's irreplaceable as her father, and that there is room in her heart for a romantic partner as well as her dad and brothers. Is he scared that she'll move away with boyfriend and he's preemptively missing her? Is he scared that you have seen a "better man" and might ditch him to find one of your own?

DH sounds insecure and panicky, and is regressing to 12-year-old behaviour as a result. Give him a hug and tell him to knock it off.

Start calling him out in public when he does this.

I suspect he's subconsciously feeling a bit threatened, especially as you can see the relationship is getting serious: this is the man who will "take his little girl away".

That can be hard to deal with for some parents, just like the MIL who still has her son tied to her apron strings

A friend of my parents was really unwelcoming to his kids new partners. His wife pointed out that his DC would marry one of these partners, and how was he planning to act then? Sudden about turn? Too late?
Because if the DC had to choose between the partner and the dad the dad would be the one dropped.
I agree that your DH sound like he feels under threat. He needs to understand that he won’t always be the number one man in his daughter’s life, but he will always be her father. As long as he doesn’t driver her away first!

Make him binge watch the Queen's Gambit and his view of chess will change 😂

Maybe you're also afraid as well as annoyed because you don't want him to sabotage what is potentially a life long in law relationship.

Your husband sounds quite unconscious in this, he may not even know why he is doing it - some part of him might be threatened by this young man who is different from him?

The thing is your husband is not your responsibility, he is a grown adult but you could gently explain to him that how you start off relationships sets the tone and it might be wise to consider that this young man could be around long term and if so, the daughter's loyalties will be with her partner, not her dad but ultimately his relationship with his daughter and her partner is on him. Let him think about that but meanwhile carry on being attentive and welcoming this new BF into the fam.

One thing that wasn't clear but it sounded as if you daughter might have added the BF to your nuclear family chat rather than the chat with in laws? If so, the partners of your sons might not be too happy about that?

He’s threatened by him and is putting him down to feel better about his own insecurities. I would tell him pretty firmly that it’s hugely unattractive and will cost him his relationship with his daughter.

Have you challenged him to actually explain why he thinks DD could do better? In what way? If he can only give vague responses to this, I think it’s highly likely your DH feels insecure because the boyfriend is clearly very intelligent, more so then him. The boyfriend sounds absolutely lovely.

I’d be asking him what he means by “she could do better”. Better than someone who loves her, treats her well and has a good job?

my dd has an amazing boyfriend who loves her, treats her really well and his family have accepted her Into their home many times. What more can you ask?

I think your DH is being an idiot and you just need to tell him straight. Re the chess, I hate to think what he’d make of my family. DH was (a million years ago) a junior chess champion and DS plays it occasionally (he’s a big rugby player!). I loathe the “it’s a bit gay” thing. The kids were told not to say that in primary school. DH spent over 20 years in the military and DS is not effeminate despite their enjoyment of chess. They would avoid karaoke though!

I agree its definitely a reach! It really was my first reaction though.

Remind him that a lot of the “old” men were too.

You need to be tougher on him. Tell him he’s being an obnoxious knob. Tell your ds to quit the ‘teasing’ as well as he’s going to end up as big a knob as his dad. I’d start getting angry, no more polite requests to stop. This behaviour would actually make me wonder who the hell it is I’m married to and that I could have done better (and tell him that!).

Tell him everyone is thinking it makes him sound like a pervy dad who’s jealous of his daughter's boyfriend.

Your DH would be getting very short shrift from me. He sounds like a nasty insecure school boy and I’d be telling him so every damn time he said anything, in my best teacher voice. He’s being a complete knob and I’d be furious with him.

Just wanted say that it's so refreshing to hear on Mumsnet that someone's DD has found a lovely young man. 😊

Perhaps your DH needs to hear some of the horror stories on here of the absolute arseholes - perhaps he'd pipe down if he thinks chess is the worst thing her boyfriend could be doing?!

Honestly my first thought was to wonder if we was 'protesting too much'... Perhaps new BF is not heterosexual and your DH is aware of this...

I had those thoughts, I suspect my Dad and oldest brother felt like that about a boyfriend I had at uni who was a poet and did stand up comedy. My Dad and brother weren't 'blokey men' but they are sporty, both had very good jobs were intellectual and physical fitter, stronger than this boyfriend so I think it was probably defaulting to lazy ideas of what masculinity looks like but this was in the early 00s not 2025!

He sounds jealous and insecure. Not attractive qualities

😂

good one

He absolutely needs to knock this on the head, or he'll lose DD. What an insecure idiot your DH is! He should be glad your DD has found a good bloke. This sniping and carping is not on.

I think your Husband sounds like an absolute prick. I couldn't remain attracted to such an insecure bullying arsehole.

I don't know if she has met his family yet & gets on with them, but she could be preferring to spend time with them if your husband doesn't wise up.

Shame you can't uninvite him foe Christmas.

He sounds tedious.