DHs comments about DDs boyfriend are really pissing me off

Would he be able to explain what 'doing better' looks like? Especially as she has a secure relationship with a man who has a steady job, with prospects for higher income and they share common interests.

I mean this is the absolute basis for a good long-term relationship.

I can't believe he doubled down on the gay comment?? In 2025???

Nothing he said makes the slightest sense. A man doing any activity with his girlfriend is not doing "a gay thing" on account of the GIRLfriend. It can be as stereotypically feminine as you can think of - his sexuality is indicated by the fact that he has a girlfriend, not that he's at a musical or nail salon or, in fact, karaoke. By the same token when my gay friend and his boyfriend go to a football match they are in fact doing "a gay thing" (ie, a date between two gay men) even though football is coded as heterosexual.

On top of that karaoke isn't even particularly seen as feminine/gay stereotypically? The last time I did it was on a (straight male) friend's stag do (which also had women, and gay men, there, as well as straight men). It's pretty inclusive as an activity. (The only thing I agree with your husband about is that their karaoke picks were bad songs.)

I can't even work out what he meant with the Charles Leclerc/loving her too much nonsense.

"a guy who is that in love with his girlfriend is usually a sign the girlfriend could do better."

Wtaf. Does he really want your daughter to go out with someone who isn't that into her, because it would show she was 'punching'?!

Ended up posting on wrong thread.....sorry.......commeng deleted.

He doesn't think it's right that a man should be so in love with his girlfriend. He thinks this because it's the woman's job to do all the loving and caring, and the man's job to take the woman for granted and not show any signs of caring for her. What a dick. Is this how he treated/treats you, OP?

Sorry op, your husband is being rude, insulting, discriminatory and obnoxious.
You need to sit him down and ask him what the hell his problem is and tell him this nonsense has to stop NOW.
Personally, I would tell him he needs to spend Christmas somewhere else unless he changes his tune. I would not put up with those type of remarks and do not want to walk on eggshells fearing which stupid remarks he’s going to say while everyone is together. His behaviour is a recipe for making sure you’re not welcome at your daughter’s wedding.
what an absolute asshole he is.

Tell DH his insecurity is showing and it’s not a good look.

Oh I can figure out how your DH is thinking. Basically he knows that your DD boyfriend is a much better version of himself or the type of person that your DH would aspire to be.

So I think the nobby comments are born out of jealousy and envy and not out of any genuine dislike for the guy. You need to explain to him that it's a genuinely good (and sadly rare) thing that his daughter has found a decent boyfriend and he should be very happy.

What would he prefer- that she was dating someone dodgy or unsuitable?

I hope you also said using the word gay as a slur is NOT on.

Agreed. Especially as your DD's BF is now threatening your DH's place as the most important man in her world. Your DH is acting like a git. I'm not sure how you address it with him without pointing out his obvious insecurity.

This is all so weird. I’ve never heard of a parent being put off a child’s partner because they’re too in love with said child?! Surely that’s good, we all want everyone to love our kids as much as we do (well, within reason 😂). As for the Charles Leclerc comment, how fucking bizarre. Yes CL is a good looking bloke but your husband choosing to use a ‘yardstick’ from f1 while judging his daughters boyfriend on his physical attractiveness for being ‘a bit gay’… make it make sense!
He is being a massive twat and clutching at straws to judge this guy based on the fact he is feeling insecure. I wouldn’t usually say that but you say he has history of being insecure about his intelligence and the boyfriend is clearly very clever, so your husband is picking on whatever he can to put him down.

I have read your comments @LeFosters and it seems to me that your DH has a huge chip on his shoulder about the 'intelligence' of this man - let's face it, in terms of careers medicine / law are up there in terms of requirement of high exam grades.

I also feel that he is uncomfortable with your DD choosing someone that might have different tastes / hobbies to him.

Your DH needs to be focusing on the shared values he has with this man.
He sounds like a decent, dependable man who loves your DD. He sounds that he is helping her live her best life. He is adding to her life rather than taking.

You are doing the right thing in pointing out these 'bants' are hurtful and DD's BF will be aware of them.

Your DH needs to grow up

Juat read back through the replies where you've said he's more intelligent than your DH, yep that explains it. I grew up working class and the amount of people who had a massive chip on their shoulder about anyone more intelligent than them was astonishing, and it was really common for intelligence to be seen as 'a bit gay' for men. Jealousy and insecurity.

I don’t know if DH maybe feels insecure as this guy is definitely more intelligent than he is.

You've nailed it.

How do you feel about him making that homophobic comment, OP?

Your DH is acting like a bellend.

So your DD has a guy who clearly adores her, treats her well, is good looking, intelligent, comes from a nice family and makes her happy yet your DH thinks she could do better? How exactly?

His comments definitely smack of jealousy and this guy obviously makes your DH feel insecure about himself. But his comments are unacceptable and he needs to wind his neck in and control his thoughts and feelings around him. If this guy is 'the one' then she is choosing him first and your DH will push her away.

You need to be strong enough to have her/their back against him if he comes out with bullshit comments around them.

What a bizarre comment about 'doing better'.

I really don't know why you're tolerating this behaviour and tiptoeing around his knuckle dragging bullshit. This is awful role modelling for your other kids.

Tell him to completely stop it - and mean it, fgs!

You'll have to ban DH from Christmas.
Be sure to make Karaoke a game on Christmas Day!

It would be very cruel for your DD or her boyfriend to hear those terrible and unjust comments; they could stick in their memory and undermine your DH's relationship with his DD..

Delete any written nasties off the chat sites too.

Ugh, what repugnant attitudes. He's really showing himself up here. Sounds like you could have done a lot better. The bf sounds lovely and it's kind of disgusting that your DH thinks someone loving your DD a lot is some kind of weakness.

Is he under the deluded impression that your daughter will break up with her boyfriend if she thinks her daddy doesn't approve?

My aunt is an absolute nightmare of a woman, she is in her 70s but acts like a particularly vile spoilt little girl, always has done. Genuinely just horrible to everyone, all the time, for no apparent reason. Her beloved son is now in his 40s and has never found a long term partner, has had a series of broken relationships some of which have absolutely broken his heart. He's a lovely man, clever, great professional job, very tall and not bad looking. He may secretly be a twat to women but the we all think its far far more likely his girlfriends just can't stomach his mother!

You married an idiot.

I hope your dh doesn’t do that. My son is a lovely bf to his gf but her dad is being a prick to him and my son is confused about it and not a little hurt. Enough that he no longer wants to go round there if he’s there. He loves his gf so if they stay together I will be the default grandparent because as they say, I’m a lot nicer than that twat. It’s actually horrible and could ruin the relationship (she is lovely) all because her dad is a smart arse prick for no reason to my son. Girls don’t appreciate their dads being jealous or over protective arses.

If you have already had the "leave the lad alone, he's nice and DD loves him" chat, then you need to tell him it's unacceptable and he has to stop.
Tell him how hurt his DD would be if she knew, or God forbid, he says something awful in their presence. He is risking his relationship with her.