To think if you earn this, it doesn’t matter your circumstances, you’re still bloody privileged?!

Sorry @Herefo1 —you don’t get a vote on DS’ monthly spending plan. You don’t get a vote on how much she puts in her pension pot, housing pot, meals out pot, presents pot, etc.

Yes but many household costs don't half because their is one less adult and one less child - so her outgoings are probably not significantly lower than yours. Also she has no back up at all - if one of you or your DH loses your job, becomes unwell etc the other can still bring in an income. She doesn't have the privilege of that security so I don't blame her at all for being more cautious.

It’s a little less than our total household income and we do not consider ourselves privileged. Especially if you have kids, it adds up. But it’s all about perspective, I guess.

You think she’s mean spirited when you’re the one coming online to invite a load of strangers to slag her off because she earns well in her job and isn’t frivolous with her money as a single parent? Seriously? Of course your circumstances matter. If it bothers you, stop buying coffees for her so then there’s nothing to reciprocate.

I think people don’t appreciate the following:
it’s one salary and tax will be high
loss of any child benefit etc
cost of child care
the need to save and have a back up as if she looses her job she has no help
this type of salary may be a hugh pressure performance driven role which if performance dips is at threat

Yabu.
£4,200

• 1,500 childcare
• 1,500 mortgage
• 150 Council tax
• 200 car
• 100 utilities
• 200 food
• 100 clothes, shoes
• 100 insurances

= 3,850

Leaving £350 for emergencies, holidays, activities for child, petrol, wear & tear, Christmas etc.

Her career is restricted by being a single parent. Her 5 weeks holiday has to cover 13 weeks school holidays, all her child's sick days. She has to do all drop offs & pick ups. Travelling overnight for work is almost impossible. She has no regular backup to share those commitments with.

Your dsis is wise & sensible, not wasting her money on rubbish. If you want to waste £4 on a cup of coffee, more fool you.

I'm a single mum too, earn less than her but my mortgage has shrunk now and ds is past needing childcare. She is doing exactly what I did. She is a good mum.

Of course it’s plenty. Couples with more children get by on less than that.
Stop buying her coffees or expensive gifts if it’s starting to grate.

It's similar to my take home as a single mum of 2. Mortgages aren't cheaper because there's only 1 adult in the house. The main expenses of having a bloke in the house is extra food and the water bill.

That said, I do give my kids as many treat days out as I can as they are my reason for existing and working so hard.

Your maths is awful.

It’s not privilege it’s her wage. She’s not being gifted it

and no it’s not a lot for the entire household income. When you don’t have a husband or partner they don’t just suddenly half your mortgage and bills

Stop buying her birthday/Christmas presents if she isn’t buying them for you and your DC. Also stop buying her coffee if she never buys you one. £50k a year take home pay (so her salary is higher than this) is a really good salary. If she’s struggling financially then she’s living way above her means. She’s very privileged and a CF.

Little did she know it, but your DS was the one being unreasonable for allowing you to see her finances.

Her money is her own, so long as she isn't CF'ing coffees and lollipops from you what does it matter?

Spare a thought for the fact she needs to be cautious, as the buck stops with her. If she's unable to work, ALL that income goes away as there's no second pay cheque.

I can't imagine someone married with 2 kids is unable to grasp this.

You earn more than her as a household?

Bit of a cheek judging her

YABU. £4,200 a month allowance from your parents would be privileged, yah. £4,200 from working is good? but just enough to live on ok-ish in much of the country if you have a family, unless your housing is subsided

im on maternity leave and refuse to buy drinks out. We have a bean to cup coffee machine there is no way I’m spending £4.50 on a coffee out. I’ll bring it in a flask.

She will have to cover a mortgage, clothes, school fees, uniforms, pension, savings, council tax, all utility bills and transport by herself so no I do not thing she is being stingy (although the way you chose to write about her circumstances sure tried to write it like everyone should think the same way you do)

Mum of two here. Single parent household. My core expenses just for us to pay bills each month and eat amount to 3k. That’s without car costs, clubs, clothing etc. It really doesn’t go far at all.

We’ve really got to stop using the word privilege when referring to people that go to work and earn a salary. As her sister, I’m assuming you had a similar upbringing and similar level of privilege.

You don’t know her outgoings and shes only got herself to rely on. If she loses her job she’s fucked so she needs a much more robust back up plan compared to a couple. she may well be assuming she’s going to be single in later life and pouring money into her pension too. Maybe she racked up a ton of debt when younger and paying for it now.

It’s up to her how she spends her money. I’d hate to think I’m being judged.

Are you joking? You know her outgoings? Financial priorities? Disposable income? It’s her business. Not anyone else’s.

You’re comparing her net pay to yours and whatever the difference, even if it’s a grand or two, make such little difference in reality. Especially if she’s on her own.

I bet you’ve discussed her private matters with at least two family members.

It is a decent salary and hopefully she is just choosing to spend her money differently (maybe she's saving, maybe holidays, maybe beauty treatments, maybe nights out when she gets chance) as it must be tough as a single parent.

DH don't earn much more than than between 2 of us, and we have 2 dc, but I can imagine the pressure is very different when you don't have a partner.

Jealousy isn’t a good look. Good on your sister for holding down a full time job and being a single mother.

Well they are the only people she should be supporting. Maybe she has a big mortgage or debts? Maybe she has a secret gambling or drug habit? Maybe she doesn't see the value in buying overpriced coffees and gets pleasure from saving her money. Maybe hoping to help DD get a flat or something in future.

Either way you just need to stop buying things for her if she never reciprocates. I would somewhat silently judge people who seem unnecessarily tight but ultimately it's her money to do as she pleases as she earned every penny. She wasn't handed it on a plate.

Utterly disgusting of you to abuse your position of holding privileged information. Doesn't matter whether names are used or not, you do NOT discuss someone else's financial position when it has been confided to you.

It's really strange to say you're struggling because you paid £2k a month on a mortgage.

Your income allows you to have a very nice home, hence why you are able to pay £2k a month on a mortgage.

Struggling would be if you didn't have a mortgage, because your take home pay didn't allow you to pay for a mortgage.

I'm really confused as to why people struggle to understand this.

I think you've gotten the wrong end of the stick. OP didn't say that this woman is paying for another person that's not working, so it's strange to draw a comparison with 2 people earning minimum wage.

£4k+ take home for one person is massive.