To think if you earn this, it doesn’t matter your circumstances, you’re still bloody privileged?!

I think you may have derailed your own thread op by using the word privileged.
I voted Yanbu because she's on a decent enough salary not to be a cf and get a round in.

That's take-home pay, you say?

There are plenty of people with far less who can manage to buy their friend a coffee.

Unless you are much richer, just stop buying for her. If necessary, stop going to such expensive places that are beyond her means.

I'm usually first to roll my eyes at these "poor high earners" threads but if shes on her own she will have to outsource a lot, childcare, cleaner, any home maintenance etc. I'm sure she isn't on the breadline but could well feel her outgoings are very high.

How much will she have spent on nursery fees the past few years? All by herself by the sounds of it, on top of a mortgage?

Presumably you actually like your sister?

I wouldn't even THINK about my sister in this way let alone shove something on a forum so ask for other people to judge her. It's so disloyal.

I earn about that and I think I need to be more careful with money than if I were with someone. It's about the safety net. Sure, in this phase of my life I could spend more than I do, but I have to very seriously consider the future as I have only myself and what I can save now. There's no second income or chance my partner could earn more, it's just me - and while I love my job and am good at it my earning potential will only go so much further.

So teenager costs, uni fees, retirement, pension, housing etc - all that is my worry. And so, yeah, it is tough and I don't buy too many lollies either.

She sounds sensible not wasting money on coffee etc when out.

Mortgage and bills will be similar no matter if it is a two person or four person household. Your post is so mean. Sounds like you are jealous of her income.

Of course it depends on outgoings. How is she privileged as a single parent? Being a single parent is bloody hard work. She will have to pay for babysitters any time she wants to do anything without her child unlike you who can pop out and leave your dh in charge. She will have to do all household chores, maintenance, bills etc not 50% as you and your dh do. This means she may have to pay for extra help like cleaning or pay for DIY jobs that you and your husband manage yourselves. She has and will always have (unless she remarries) a single income to pay for everything. If she gets ill there is no second income or person to fall back on. Many things like food and holidays are priced for couples and as a single person you pay more than half of what a couple would pay. Also, as a single mum she will be treated by society as having less status than someone married. - You sound a horrible, entitled and unsupportive sister to be honest going on about how she won't buy coffees or expensive gifts.

Lots of people have touched on what that means through buying power, so I won't rehash that. I will say that what my parents and friends who coupled up early never seem to understand is the fear and stress that comes with being the only provider in a household.

If my mum lost her job, there is still money coming in, the absolute essentials can be paid for, it buys time. If I lose my job, then next month there is no money-nothing.

People talk about having savings of three months as an emergency fund to tide you over should things go wrong. It's bollocks, for many jobs over £50k that is the length of the recruitment process. You actually need more like 6 months in savings. I heard somewhere recently that for every £10k you earn add a month to the time for a job search.

Id much rather bung £10 into savings than buy a round of coffees. You buy staff to treat people, not for them to reciprocate, stop buying coffee if it means that much to you. But I think you lack empathy and understanding.

I don't suppose her outgoings are half yours simply because there's only one parent and one child. Bills will still be the same - housing, utilities, council tax etc. I earn well, but there is only one income supporting our family. My mortgage and bills would be the same if I had a husband living with me but I'd have more income!

Her bills (mortgage/utlitlies/insurance etc) won’t be that much lower than the bils of a two income household. And she still has uniforms, school trips, childcare etc to pay for same as two parent families.

Yeah, I don't think the OP has a good grip on the figures. Everyone's costs will be different but my primary age children cost us per month:

240 - wraparound care 3x week
50 - swimming lessons
80 - other clubs, music, sport, cubs
50-80 roughly minimum food (hard to calculate per child as obviously we cook together)

Then less frequent costs:

Uniform
Birthday presents for child and friends
Christmas presents
Other activities - soft play, cinema
Clothes
Books
Toys
Tech - tablet, ereader, audio player
Bike/scooter

Of course all of this is choices but unless your kid only eats porridge, you have no childcare costs and they do nothing out of school, it's hard to see how they don't cost more than 240 a month

Im sure others have said that a one parent outgoings are not half of a couples…. Her mortgage would be the same if she and her DD lived there or if there was another adult but there would be another wage coming into help. She will have to heat the home, again not by half but by the whole, her water consumption will only be slightly less her gas/electric probably not much less so I think you need to get out of that mindset.
Your Sister has full time responsibility and care for her child, knowing that, il not surprised she is careful with money.
Yes it would be nice if she reciprocated coffees etc but maybe she thinks they are a waste of money?
You either stop buying them when you go out and let everyone buy their own or you accept that your sis has different priorities with her money .
£4000 sounds a lot but in reality when you start listing all her outgoings although not on the poverty line she’s not on stashes of money.
I have almost £800 to find next year because 2 of my children want to go on residential, I could say no but most of their friends will go etc I’m lucky that we are a two income household however with the cost of living etc we will have to cut back on any excesses (and we are by no means splashing the cash) to be able to send them. I’m currently walking to work (45 min walk) where I used to drive and pay £5 parking a day. My sister probably thinks il
nuts as it’s only £5… but over the week if I do it when it’s not tipping down that money is going straight into the savings account set up for their trips next year. As my DM always says, save the pennies and the pounds look after themselves!

Wow, jealous of your own sister.

I’m not sure if the child is nursery or school age. If they’re in nursery then maybe the separated parents go halves? £1500 mortgage is a lot.

I think your being massively unfair. A 1k mortgage plus full time wrap around care will consume a lot of her salary. I don't earn that but I do have a salary that some people would be happy to have. At the moment it's me and two teenagers, life is very expensive.

I am on a low income. I am self employed and work part time owing to my health and pay all my household bills out of that. I have no mortgage and no car. Many a month all I take home is £1100 or £1300 and I manage. No debt.

Your sister's income sounds huge to me! Though I moved out of London years ago to a much cheaper part of the UK.

Imagine if you and your OH could pull in £4200 per month- you could treat her to coffees, buy lollies, heck you could even take the whole extended family away for the weekend ..

Or you could save and invest for your future. Pay down the mortgage. Buy in services to make your lives run smoother (eg cleaner, lawn mowing, window cleaner)

No it’s not!

Sounds like the real problem is her not paying her way op when you think she can afford it. Does she expect you to pay? Would she still come along to things and be happy to not get coffee etc?

I’m on my own in an expensive city. I have a decent job and my dsis thinks I’m loaded. I’m not. She’s in a dual income household. I might be close enough to what their combined income is, but don’t think you understand what it’s like to have all outgoings on your shoulders, and then the audacity of the expectation that treats are on you because you’re ‘rich’. In my circumstances I know for a fact that my household outgoings are significantly more than theirs.

How old is her child? What kind of childcare bills does she have? Childcare costs can have a massive impact on finances.

Being a single parent feels massively insecure financially. Even if you’re on a good salary you know you’re just a redundancy or illness away from having no income. I think it’s hard for couples to really understand that feeling.

So it’s entirely possible she’s not being tight, but is simply looking after herself and her child, not knowing what the future will bring and if she’ll always be on the salary she’s on now.

Oh come on!