To think if you earn this, it doesn’t matter your circumstances, you’re still bloody privileged?!

To be fair you have said you only work part time. That may be due to health issues but if so, are you applying for PIP or DLA? A solo person without health issues would be expected to work full time, which even on NMW would be more than you bring in.

Depends on circumstances. For a single mother with one child, it does sound comfortable but then if she lives in Greater London or somewhere else expensive like Oxfordshire, she’s probably not comfortable at all. I guess context is everything, she might be paying 1.5k in mortgage or 2.5k in rent for all we know in which case it isn’t a lot.

Comparing her to you is not fair - what you don't see as a couple is the hidden 'single tax' which applies to virtually everything!

No, but I do hate it when people say my treat, I’ll get these etc. how are you supposed to refuse them without going into a whole monologue about how you can’t reciprocate because finances are tight etc

I think it's perfectly ok to not buy people expensive gifts - I think the whole gift giving thing is a bit daft anyway - you rarely get anything you needed or want so if you are on a tight budget it's not really of value to you. But she should not be sponging coffee all the time - if she can't afford it she should bow out. But here's the thing if you are out with your mum, she might see her mum in a slightly different light - she might think her mum is happy to treat her and subsidize her spends but I think expecting her sister to do likewise is cheeky. She sounds a bit tight with her money but you're her sister, you grew up with her, I'm sure you know already what her money attitudes are.
We had (divorced now) a bil who never put his hand in his pocket, always there for the first round of drinks when other people were paying - never wanted or bought a second...he complained of poverty all the time - when they got divorced sil discovered he had saved £250k. He was a tight fisted little bastard.

As someone who has been a single parent, on the face of it I'd say that sounds enough month to month. Even after I've accounted for my differing mortgage payment than your sister, she has approx double what I am left with and I have 2 DC, no maintenance, no childcare costs though.

It may depend on home running costs, childcare, car costs, travel to work costs (is she funding a train season ticket?) etc etc. Is the £4200 after pension contributions and student loan? Or is she carefully saving in case of redundancy, illness, for her DD's future etc? It's a lot to feel the future of your DC and the household rests entirely on you.

Maybe you could suggest you help her look through her outgoings or point her in the direction of Money Saving Expert. You can put outgoings into a budget calculator and post on the forum and people will help you see where your budget isn't working (eg sometimes people put in zero for gifts or haircuts or clothes which is clearly not going to be the case) or suggest things that look high and you could save.

No, it’s about 1700 take home I think. Except they will get child benefit and she won’t. Plus there will be a universal credit entitlement. Additionally, childcare paid for.
Plus I’m guessing she might have a student loan to pay each month which will be about 300.
So the poster isn’t as far off as it might seem.

Really? Bills alone for me are 600 a month so a solo person should comfortably manage on 400ish quid a month for everything else, clothes, entertainment, socialising and any emergency housing costs?

My husbands take home pay is more than this, we don’t ever really have anything spare at the end of the month. No car on finance, no fancy holidays. Our rent is exorbitant, constant outgoings on our rental property, trying to save for a house to live in, crazy food prices. I don’t work as we can’t find childcare for our youngest so only the odd bit of work in the evenings. Life is just expensive! If we go somewhere I generally pack my own drinks and food from home- healthier and cheaper. I certainly wouldn’t be buying expensive coffees and sugary lollies.

Agree with this. I think this is what is annoying the OP is the disparity and feeling like she is expected to pick up the bill all the time (which isn't fair)

Those on minimum wage also work for their money.

No dependents and no mortgage? Of course you can manage on that. Hardly the same is it?

It is actually not less than that.
minimum wage is 12.21 an hour, full time is usually around 37.5hrs (average).
So two adults working full time on minimum wage would take home less than £4200.

Hi OP, I don't think you are being unreasonable and it sounds like a lot of money, but with a mortgage etc and COL I don't think money goes half as far as it did. I'm single no kids though and own my smallish house outright. Average salary 35K and being solo and paying all bills is a lot mentally more than anything and money doesn't go very far. I haven't had a hol this year for example and am paying off some credit card debt. But I choose what to spend or splurge on. She is making choices (not buying coffee, socialising) and instead putting that money elsewhere or saving. I wouldn't expect her to treat everyone because she earns more but she should be paying her way just to be a reasonable human being and maintain relationships. It is all relative though, I have know someone that pleads poverty is on over 100K a year but has a second house that they rent out too. So I suppose it doesn't matter you earn it always gets spent!

She has 87% of your income. If you buy the coffees/lollies, it costs you 50% extra. If she buys the coffees, it costs her 200% extra.

I think you've got a bit of a cheek moaning about your sister's privilege when you're earning over £5k a month. All of your household expenses are shared and you have no idea what her outgoings are. I have to wonder what this is really about.

Has she always earned the amount she earns or is it fairly recent? I have been a single parent for over a decade and a lot of my family would look at my salary now and wonder why it might not be enough and it generally is. However, I work hard to make sure that I never go back to when I had no savings, struggled to pay the bills and lived from payday to payday. When you are the only earner there is no back up plan and she may not want to risk the financial security she has built by changing her lifestyle too much from what it was.

Her household income is not too much different from mine as a single parent and while I don't feel poor, I do have to be careful. I don't do things like eating out for example. There is no way I would buy a takeaway coffee for myself. I do have more than one child, but I'm older than your sister, so bought my house when they were cheaper, so I expect my mortgage is lower than hers (or rent if she rents). So probably my outgoings aren't too dissimilar overall.

And even if you have a good income, as a single parent you always feel a bit insecure. I am not happy unless I can put a chunk of money away into a savings account because I'm very aware that if I lost my job the shit would hit the fan a lot quicker than it would in a 2 parent family. Single parents also pay more tax as a proportion of household income than a household with 2 working parents does.

Then you have just answered your question! If you don’t spend more than that on your two, then the only difference in outgoings in the extra food costs for an additional adult in your household, but your income is more than hers by what, £900? £650 after maintenance? So you will have similar outgoings on a higher income, plus she doesn’t have another adult to share the burden with.

Had this same issue with a friend who never reciprocated. Easily solved by me saying I had a small budget for outings so would just be paying for my own snacks / drinks. Expecting others to continually pick up the tab, regardless of the amount, is incredibly rude.

YABU - She is one person, everything falls on her. Perhaps she is putting money way into a pension or for a repair fund for her house. Perhaps she is trying to pay off her mortgage earlier so that she at least has security in the roof over her head or so that she has a buffer should she ever become unemployed or unable to work for a period due to illness or disability. You have a buffer if anything happens to you, and you clearly underestimate that security. It takes a good few years to have any level of security as a single person. Lets face it £250 maintenance is not go to keep her afloat - its not even half the cost of raising a child!

Either way it is her money to do with as she wants.

Why do you expect to be subsidised for the choices you have made. What is stopping you from retraining to get a better paid job or a second job?

But when you get a round of treats for her, family of two, the extra costs are only half of your own family’s cost, so not that much more than usual. If she does that for your family she’s paying three times what she normally would. Also with gifts- she’s buying gifts for four of you, you’re buying gifts for two of them. Are you spending double what she does on presents? I’m in a similar position, more kids than other family members, and while nit picking over costs is not in the spirit of giving a gift, I feel bad about how much they have to spend just to buy a ‘basic’ gift for each of mine, and tend to buy more expensive stuff in return, also would say, really, no obligation to buy gifts, I know it’s expensive.

I am a single parent and I earn a similar amount. The worry of being the only person bringing in money for the whole family is very real. You sound jealous and sniping. Your Sister isn't privileged, she works hard for her money with no support. You're nasty.

Is that reflected in mortage, water, gas, leccy....

My nephew's London rent is £4k per month. YAB massively U.