To think if you earn this, it doesn’t matter your circumstances, you’re still bloody privileged?!

Not sure anyone's asked her to move north or to Wales, just to take a turn buying coffee 🤣

Being a single parent, having all the financial responsibility and knowing if the shit hits the fan it's all on you, is not bloody privileged. Believe me

Many missing details.

Age of child - needing childcare or not
Any health conditions or disabilities for either of them
Where in the country they live
Housing tenure and how much equity
Any student loan repayments or other debt, any debt brought over from previous relationship
and on and on and on.

My take home is £8.5k. If you add in DH’s, we have a household take home of over £10k. But we still can’t afford coffees either because, guess what, our outgoings are very high.

I think you’ll find you are agreeing with the poster you have quoted

Firstly it depends where you live and the situation she was left in following separation.

but you don’t have to pay for her coffees. Just say ‘it’s getting pricey, come to mine instead’ then either she’ll offer to pay or suggest something else.

at Christmas just tell her you know times are tight shall we do a secret Santa with a budget if ££££ or leave presents for adults altogether?

She can spend her money as she wishes but so can you.

How do you know her take home? How hard it is depends on her outgoings. Or do you think she should live a mediocre life because she's singld parent?

Are you for real? Water, utility bills etc. If she has Netflix, she is paying for that herself. If you live with someone, you split the cost.
It is SO much more expensive living alone. Not many costs are halved at all.

Ah it depends so much on outgoings. There was a time recently where we had 2 kids in nursery, 2 mortgages (long story, not through choice), plus all the usual stuff. So our mortgages, bills and childcare was well over £6k/month. Obviously we made significant changes and I realise her situation is not the same, but certainly rent/mortgage, council tax, energy bills, running a car are not hugely different than if she had a partner and therefore expensive (and getting even more so)

that said, if you’re going to accept a coffee you should get the next one that’s just polite. If she can’t afford to do that she shouldn’t accept it.

It really does depend where you live and how much your mortgage or rent is. She might have a job in London and can’t just move on north or to Wales etc

That’s equal to two very average wages around here. I suppose it depends on her housing costs, if she’s shouldering a big mortgage on her own I understand her being careful. Not brassic by any means but not care free either.

So what is her pre tax income? About £70k? That's the same as 2 adults on an average income. If she's running a house by herself as a single parent it probably doesn't go as far as you think.

We are 2A 2C on slightly over that combined income (about £75k).

I would suspect your sister's mortgage/rent, electricity, water, car running costs, etc is pretty much the same as my family as that's how things work with a house. Her main difference is half the food shop a week which isn't loads.

Sounds like your sister is being sensible. Remember if proverbial hits the fan there is no second income so she may well want to be frugal to get a much bigger rainy day fund than a couple would think of.

I earn a lot of money but don’t have much spare cash as my mortgage is high and my bills are high. I am paying £180 a week in private tutoring for my son who for various reasons needs it.
So I can’t afford to do things like get my hair highlighted, any beauty treatments, buying new clothes but I do prioritise seeing friends etc.
So I think I am very privileged and lucky but I don’t have much spare cash month to month due to my choices to spend a lot of money on my sons tutoring etc.
So maybe your sister earns a lot but has it all allocated for certain things so can’t afford things like coffees out etc.
Can you not just meet her for a walk in the park or something free? Also if she wants to cut down on presents then do the same.
when someone says I can’t afford it they often mean it’s not their priority.
That’s what I mean. Can I afford new clothes etc - no. But I should be able to I am just choosing to spend my money on things that are important to me, which are the tutoring and seeing my friends.
I think the things I prioritise wouldn’t be priority for other people, which is fine as we are all different.

Sorry but YABU. She does not owe you anything really.
If you want lollys and coffees then earn that money yourself. Your DSis is not an extension of your own bank account.

But the difference in cost between being a single parent and a two parent household isn't going to be very enormous is it? Maybe £50 of council tax and £150 in food? Some clothes I guess and a few birthday presents. If you had substantial train commuting costs or an expensive second car I guess that could add a lot. But I can't think what other costs would be an essential addition to being a two parent household rather than one.

It's more than my family brings in for four of us and we can manage to take our turn buying a coffee when we go out...
We also have a small house and and old car and don't have fancy holidays so I suppose it just depends where your priorities are.

It depends on her mortgage or rental payments really (if she has mortgage). And if she has debts to service.

I agree it's not absolute penury. But property is so expensive these days, that depending where she lives, I can totally imagine earning this much and not having much left over. In fact, I do take home not dissimilar to this, and some months can be a struggle (holiday time, Christmas, if something suddenly breaks.)

Maybe you and your husband have lower mortgage/rent. That's always the big one.

You sound very jealous.

I'm on my own with 12 year old. My take home's about the same as hers. I'm not skint, by any measure, but I'm not rolling in money either

I always think of ‘privileged’ as meaning having stuff given to you rather than through your own volition? If she’s paid that much for her own work then it’s not really her privilege is it, it’s what she’s owed?

Does she have childcare costs too? I have been a single parent on a good wage and it is hard work covering all the bills on your own, along with working full time, looking after a child, running a house etc. Are you in a similar position but lower wage and that's why you see her as privileged?

She might be being genuinely concerned about having enough money.

It sounds like she's a single parent so is that her whole household income? I'd be more cautious on a single income there is no safety net if something happens to your employment

Doesn’t sound like tons for a 1 parent household. You don’t spend half the money of a 2 adult household as one (eg council tax isn’t half, water bill won’t be half, WiFi won’t be half)

It's only a bit less than mine and my husbands joint income. I don't think it's a huge amount tbh.

Just stop paying for her coffee and buy gifts to the save value. It's easy really 😄