To think if you earn this, it doesn’t matter your circumstances, you’re still bloody privileged?!

I was stunned to find out recently that if you’re a lawyer or banker who is also a partner at your firm you’ll be on about £70K (take home) a month if not more. So no, £4,200 isn’t a lot when compared to that!

Well that's relative.

If you ignore the DLA we get for DS (we do ringfence it), we managed on just over half that so it seems like a lot to me - we've never had as much as that per month. We have no rent/mortgage, but when we did have a mortgage it was about £350/mth, our income was about £3,000/mth then.

£4,000 a month would solve a lot of our problems!

Firstly she’s not privileged, she works for it.

Secondly she’s in her own, having to think about every eventuality for her and her child should she get sick, lose her job, die, become disabled. I would hope that she’s squirreling away money like hell for all those rainy days, as well as her DD’s future, as well as her own. She’s on her own, nobody to help financially, nobody to rely on in the event of a financial emergency, nobody to share the load with.

I think you need to take a long hard look at yourself and YOUR privilege as a two income, two parent household.

I earn a third of that with a teenager, pay my mortgage and all my bills.

I mean, I’m a single parent on NMW, working 40 hours a week and taking home around 1900 a month. To me, it seems loads. But it absolutely depends on outgoings. My two are at school, so no childcare costs. I guess context is everything. In my situation, I’d be doing great with that income. But outgoings vary so much.

We can’t say unless you tell us what her outgoings are.

I would say YABU as there is (1) no information on outgoings (2) the entire burden of financial responsibility is on her and so she will need to save a lot to have a cushion in case she cannot work for a period of time or there are unexpected expenses such as roof repairs, new car, boiler etc (3) working to earn money does not necessarily make you privileged.

It’s more or less the same as two people on minimum wage.

Would you call them privileged?

Very difficult to run a household and raise a child on one wage nowadays.

4 year old. So, before a d after school care, then? Holiday childcare?

Probably a car to run?

where does she live?

Surely she is just being super financially responsible? Living according to her means?

You don’t have to buy stuff for each other to be close and have fun.

So you have an extra £900 a month with lower childcare costs because there are two of you to cover? At a guess, her bills are maybe £400 lower for less food and a couple of activities. That's still a £500 difference which covers a hell of a lot of coffees each month.

Sole earner here.
Made redundant in Sept. The weight of the responsibility of providing for my son and running my home has sunk me into depression. I have some months wiggle room then….benefits.

She sounds like she is trying to not waste money on too many things that are non necessities. Maybe putting any savings away for their future.
Stop buying her coffee's if she never says "Oh let me, you got it last time"

I never said it was....

She shouldn't be so quick to accept treats if she never reciprocates, at least from her siblings. Parents tend to like to treat their kids, most parents wouldn't accept their own children to pay for coffee etc..

Not wanting to spend a fortune on gifts etc, and saying she can't afford more? Sounds sensible. Maybe technically she could but she doesn't want to waste money, can't blame her.

I use the "I can't afford it" often, it's just easier than having to justify how I spend my money. I wouldn't expect people to spend a fortune on me however.

Well stop buying for her then. Just pay for your own stuff in future and let her pay for hers.

We have no idea what her outgoings are so can't comment on whether she's right to feel she needs to watch the pennies or not. But this is simple enough to deal with. Just play by her rules. Don't pay for coffees or lunch for her, knowing full well she won't reciprocate. Just say 'I know you prefer not to get into owing people coffees/lunch etc because you are on a tight budget, so it's easier if I just get mine and let you get yours from now on. Then we all know where we stand.'

When it comes to Christmas and birthdays ask her to set whatever she thinks is a comfortable budget and you all stick to it too. Or just agree a budget for the children and don't buy for one another.

I can't see the point in allowing things like this to drag on, with you always spending money on her and feeling resentful that it's not reciprocated, when the answer is staring you in the face.

It’s not “privileged” it’s earned.

she shouldn’t have to fund anyone else

it’s not a lot of money

And who is going to support her in the future? Oh, that would be her.

How sad that you feel like this about your own sister.

Is she solely running a home? Mortgage?
Running a car? How old is her daughter?

Exactly. I’d prioritise holidays and fun days out over buying coffees etc.

I wouldn’t be able to live on that comfortably if it was just me and my child and wanted to do things I prioritise (savings, pension, holidays, etc.). It wouldn’t cover my mortgage, childcare, utilities, food, etc.).

I suppose it could all be relative to her outgoings. Childcare? Property costs?
You definitely shouldn’t have to fund her treats but other than that it really is her budget to carve up as she wishes.
The money possibly doesn’t go as far as you think.

I think you’ve missed the point. It’s not move up north or buy coffee. I said you don’t know how much disposable income she has because she might have huge living costs vs what your family has.

Exactly this! Council tax is only 25% off for single person households. Other bills aren’t cheaper. Food bills may be lower but nothing else will be. There’s also the additional stress of being the sole earner, if you lose you job there’s no safety net so single earners need a back up in savings. A save a lot each month for this precise reason, I need the security of knowing there’s money in the bank if anything goes wrong. The OP has no idea how hard being in a single earning household is and the stress that comes with this.