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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not to cook for a guest at Christmas?

108 replies

thatsnotmynewname · 13/11/2025 21:41

Dh and I have agreed not to cook this Christmas and instead have a relaxing day, a few drinks and some Christmas treats as a buffet style. Neither of us are big eaters these days.
We have an adult son (25) who lives local, he rents a room in a shared house so I expect he will come over.
I asked him his plans for Christmas and if he’d be spending it with us and as usual he said he didn’t know yet, however we know if he does decide to turn up it will be unannounced and he will expect a full Christmas dinner with all the trimmings.
AIBU to stick to our plan?
He will not get a Christmas dinner anywhere else but he will also not let us know his plans until the last minute, and not give us a time until last minute.
I think it’s a lot of effort to go to benefit one person who may pop by for some food.

OP posts:
ForZanyAquaViewer · 13/11/2025 22:19

thatsnotmynewname · 13/11/2025 22:17

I know I just don’t want to put him off coming as it’s Christmas I don’t want him sitting alone in his room with a meal for one.
He doesn’t eat buffet style food as he’s really healthy and doesn’t drink either.
He will probably offer to cook himself if I say anything.

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You think he’d prefer to sit alone in his room with a meal for one than see his parents over Christmas because he doesn’t like buffet food (which can be literally anything, by the way)? Really? Why do you think this?

Thistooshallpass. · 13/11/2025 22:19

This is a very strange way to go about things . Just say to him “just to let you know we would love you to come round at Christmas but just to let you know we are having a year off of the traditional dinner “
tell him now and he knows what to expect and if he requires the traditional meal he can make arrangements for one!

Izzywizzy85 · 13/11/2025 22:18

I actually think he’s really rude and disrespectful to call you on the day and let you know if hell be gracing you with his presence. Is he waiting to see if he gets a better offer?? My adult kids would never.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 13/11/2025 22:17

thatsnotmynewname · 13/11/2025 22:08

No of course not but he will, because that’s what I’d normally do.

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So, as multiple people have suggested, tell him that’s not what you’re going to do this year. Then he won’t expect it (or can cook it himself).

You're making it a lot more difficult than it needs to be.

Original poster
thatsnotmynewname · 13/11/2025 22:17

Shinyandnew1 · 13/11/2025 22:09

Going by previous years he will ring in the morning and ask what time dinner will be and arrive about then.

Surely this can all be sorted with a simple conversation though 😂.

You: we aren't cooking a big Christmas roast this year, we are just doing a buffet and booze. You are very welcome to join us, but obviously don't phone at 10am expecting a dinner as it won't be happening!
Son: ok.

I know I just don’t want to put him off coming as it’s Christmas I don’t want him sitting alone in his room with a meal for one.
He doesn’t eat buffet style food as he’s really healthy and doesn’t drink either.
He will probably offer to cook himself if I say anything.

OP posts:
AmethystDeceiver · 13/11/2025 22:15

He's your son! He's not a guest. Just tell him your plans.

I am a terrible enabler with no hope of maintaining boundaries and I would probably cook a 'just in case' turkey crown and get in ready prepared frozen roasties and trimmings etc.. don't be like me! You don't need to do this, but I think you do need to make sure he knows your plans, and that he is welcome to join.

Brightlittlecanary · 13/11/2025 22:15

Goodness, I can’t imagine calling my child a guest, and I can’t imagine not saying I’m going to do some lovely picky bits and treats no formal dinner and we’d love you to join us, rather than have to turn to mumsnet before you speak to him, you don’t even sound like you like him.

Bobbysmumma · 13/11/2025 22:13

We have always cooked Christmas dinner but similar to you one year we just didn’t want to have the hassle so told our usual guests (my family) if they wanted to come still it was for burgers…. No way would I have cooked a traditional dinner if one of them objected!! We were back to normal the following year!

QuietLifeNoDrama · 13/11/2025 22:13

Just have a conversation with him. You’ve already brought it up once before. Next time you do just say your dad and I aren’t having a traditional Christmas dinner this year. We’re going to have a buffet. Your more than welcome to join us as usual.

Hoipers · 13/11/2025 22:13

Yanbu.
I wouldn't tolerate the disrespect of expecting a meal that you haven't committed to.

I do a simply lunch.
I have never cooked a turkey.

A few drinks and nice bought it board with some hot snacks, sounds perfect.

whensmynexthol1day · 13/11/2025 22:12

Or don’t even give him the option of the roast!

whensmynexthol1day · 13/11/2025 22:11

Feels like you’re creating your own drama here. Just tell him- if you want a big roast then we need to know x weeks in advance and you need to be here at x time to help put it together. Otherwise you’re more than welcome to come but it will be buffet style food

Shinyandnew1 · 13/11/2025 22:09

Going by previous years he will ring in the morning and ask what time dinner will be and arrive about then.

Surely this can all be sorted with a simple conversation though 😂.

You: we aren't cooking a big Christmas roast this year, we are just doing a buffet and booze. You are very welcome to join us, but obviously don't phone at 10am expecting a dinner as it won't be happening!
Son: ok.

Freebus · 13/11/2025 22:08

thatsnotmynewname · 13/11/2025 22:07

Going by previous years he will ring in the morning and ask what time dinner will be and arrive about then.

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Yes agree that's annoying

Original poster
thatsnotmynewname · 13/11/2025 22:08

LunarEclipser · 13/11/2025 21:59

Has he actually said that if he turns up unexpectedly he’ll be expecting a full Christmas dinner? Just tell him what you’re doing and let him decide.

No of course not but he will, because that’s what I’d normally do.

OP posts:
Original poster
thatsnotmynewname · 13/11/2025 22:07

Freebus · 13/11/2025 22:04

I would just say that you're having a snacks day instead

What's 'last minute'? I would say that wanting to know what he's up to now is quite far in advance.

Going by previous years he will ring in the morning and ask what time dinner will be and arrive about then.

OP posts:
Original poster
thatsnotmynewname · 13/11/2025 22:05

I will tell him we’re not eating a traditional roast this year but I hope that’s not going to put him off as he’s not likely to eat buffet style food and will be disappointed. Dh and I were just discussing it and if it would be unfair to make him welcome but not cater as usual. I will again next year I just don’t have the energy this year and don’t feel like Christmas is the day off it’s meant to be.

OP posts:
Freebus · 13/11/2025 22:04

I would just say that you're having a snacks day instead

What's 'last minute'? I would say that wanting to know what he's up to now is quite far in advance.

LunarEclipser · 13/11/2025 21:59

Has he actually said that if he turns up unexpectedly he’ll be expecting a full Christmas dinner? Just tell him what you’re doing and let him decide.

Original poster
thatsnotmynewname · 13/11/2025 21:57

AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone · 13/11/2025 21:52

I can't imagine calling any child of mine a 'guest', adult or not!

But it's a bit of a daft question anyway OP because all you need to do is tell him no-one's cooking this year.

I was just indicating that someone might be joining us.

OP posts:
DisforDarkChocolate · 13/11/2025 21:57

Chocolatebuttonanyone · 13/11/2025 21:42

He is 25. If he wants a Christmas dinner, he can make himself one!

Or he can take himself to a pub for one anytime before Christmas Day. Enjoy your relaxing day.

BlueMum16 · 13/11/2025 21:54

Just tell him your plans...🤷‍♂️

AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone · 13/11/2025 21:52

I can't imagine calling any child of mine a 'guest', adult or not!

But it's a bit of a daft question anyway OP because all you need to do is tell him no-one's cooking this year.

Redshoeblueshoe · 13/11/2025 21:51

I don;t know if they do a ready meal Christmas dinner for one, but if they do - get one and put it in the freezer - job done.

localbutterfly · 13/11/2025 21:49

We know if he does decide to turn up it will be unannounced and he will expect a full Christmas dinner with all the trimmings.

You know the old expression "if wishes were horses, beggars would ride?" He can "expect" whatever he fancies, it doesn't mean it's happening! I'd just tell him now what your plans actually are, and that it'll be nice odds and ends this year and no formal Christmas dinner. He's welcome to join if he likes and bring anything additional that he wants to eat.

It'd be considerate if he told you at least a few days ahead whether he'll come so you can buy the right amounts, but realistically I'd probably get in enough for him too (if he hasn't said no by the time you're finishing the shopping) and risk having leftovers.