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Original poster

Not to cook for a guest at Christmas?

108 replies

thatsnotmynewname · 13/11/2025 21:41

Dh and I have agreed not to cook this Christmas and instead have a relaxing day, a few drinks and some Christmas treats as a buffet style. Neither of us are big eaters these days.
We have an adult son (25) who lives local, he rents a room in a shared house so I expect he will come over.
I asked him his plans for Christmas and if he’d be spending it with us and as usual he said he didn’t know yet, however we know if he does decide to turn up it will be unannounced and he will expect a full Christmas dinner with all the trimmings.
AIBU to stick to our plan?
He will not get a Christmas dinner anywhere else but he will also not let us know his plans until the last minute, and not give us a time until last minute.
I think it’s a lot of effort to go to benefit one person who may pop by for some food.

OP posts:
GoodVibesHere · 14/11/2025 01:13

Why is everyone so cross about the use of the word guest?

Anyway...OP please do prioritise yourself and DH this year, after all these years surely it's your turn to have xmas day the way you want it. I'm sure buffet style bits and pieces will be lovely, and much more relaxed for you. Surely there's got to be something your DS will eat from a small selection of buffet food.

AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone · 14/11/2025 01:08

canklesmctacotits · 14/11/2025 00:54

A “guest”? “Someone”?! Bloody hell. For someone you don’t seem especially attached or even close to, you’re contorting yourself pretty badly over a just-in-case scenario Confused

I know. I’ve heard people talk about their bank manager with more warmth.

canklesmctacotits · 14/11/2025 00:54

A “guest”? “Someone”?! Bloody hell. For someone you don’t seem especially attached or even close to, you’re contorting yourself pretty badly over a just-in-case scenario Confused

Youtoldmeonce · 14/11/2025 00:50

If you are cooking a roast between now & Christmas could you not just do a bit extra & plate it up for him & freeze it, just defrost on Christmas Eve so if he does turn up everyone is happy with their meal.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 14/11/2025 00:49

Chocolatebuttonanyone · 13/11/2025 21:42

He is 25. If he wants a Christmas dinner, he can make himself one!

Absolutely this!

Cornishclio · 14/11/2025 00:48

Just tell him you aren’t cooking a Christmas dinner this year. So if he comes he will either have to eat buffet style or shop and cook himself. Not letting you know until last minute and just expecting a dinner is very entitled and rude.

JumpingPumpkin · 14/11/2025 00:47

thatsnotmynewname · 13/11/2025 21:57

I was just indicating that someone might be joining us.

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There’s something really distant in the way you are talking about your son. Can you not call him and have a chat about plans?

crumpet · 14/11/2025 00:42

OSTMusTisNT · 14/11/2025 00:37

Let him know your plans and he can bring an M&S ready made dinner if buffet isn't his thing.

exactly.. Let him know your plans and that you’ll have enough for him.and then he can come w or you can freeze leftovers

OSTMusTisNT · 14/11/2025 00:37

Let him know your plans and he can bring an M&S ready made dinner if buffet isn't his thing.

Mogwatch · 14/11/2025 00:36

It doesn't need to be a roast dinner, but realistically I would want to be putting something on the table than he can eat and enjoy. Maybe get him to make a couple of suggestions for your buffet shopping list, and to bring a food contribution of something he likes.

MooDengOfThailand · 14/11/2025 00:35

Just tell him not to expect a dinner.

Are you afraid of him, or something?

Netcurtainnelly · 14/11/2025 00:33

TomatoSandwiches · 13/11/2025 22:36

Why is he so rude?! He doesn't bloody deserve a cooked dinner, cheeky sod.

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He could offer to cook it for his mum and dad. Bet that wont happen.

echt · 14/11/2025 00:29

thatsnotmynewname · 13/11/2025 22:17

I know I just don’t want to put him off coming as it’s Christmas I don’t want him sitting alone in his room with a meal for one.
He doesn’t eat buffet style food as he’s really healthy and doesn’t drink either.
He will probably offer to cook himself if I say anything.

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I don't get how buffet food is intrinsically less healthy than the full Christmas dinner. In either case, it's a one-off.

GordonRamsey · 14/11/2025 00:05

Just get couple of these in case he turns up, and if he doesn't then save them for next year. They keep for ages.

Not to cook for a guest at Christmas?
Willorwisp · 13/11/2025 23:18

Not unreasonable but I’d be letting him know, you could get him a frozen turkey ready meal and say he can heat it up if he wants to.

id love a simple Christmas. We did it once when we couldn’t mix households due to Covid and I really enjoyed the quiet.

TheNestedIf · 13/11/2025 23:01

"He will probably offer to cook himself if I say anything."

Problem solved, surely? It's not that hard to do Christmas dinner for 1, and he could always cook for all of you unless you have your heart set on eating a buffet rather than having a buffet because you want to relax.

Bungle2168 · 13/11/2025 22:56

It seems that, as a family, you have a poor communication style.

As others have said, call him up, in advance, and let him know your plans for Christmas this year. I would also be inclined to tell him that, going forward, he does not provide advance notice (within reason) of his Christmas plans, you will assume he will not be coming to your home on Christmas Day.

RaininSummer · 13/11/2025 22:42

Just tell him he is welcome but it's going to be a buffet style lazy day. No need to agonise or feel guilty.

Rhaidimiddim · 13/11/2025 22:38

thatsnotmynewname · 13/11/2025 22:07

Going by previous years he will ring in the morning and ask what time dinner will be and arrive about then.

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You have raised an entitled, bad-mannered 25-y-o.

TomatoSandwiches · 13/11/2025 22:36

thatsnotmynewname · 13/11/2025 22:07

Going by previous years he will ring in the morning and ask what time dinner will be and arrive about then.

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Why is he so rude?! He doesn't bloody deserve a cooked dinner, cheeky sod.

Rhaidimiddim · 13/11/2025 22:35

No-one is owed a Christmas dinner.

AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone · 13/11/2025 22:35

thatsnotmynewname · 13/11/2025 22:17

I know I just don’t want to put him off coming as it’s Christmas I don’t want him sitting alone in his room with a meal for one.
He doesn’t eat buffet style food as he’s really healthy and doesn’t drink either.
He will probably offer to cook himself if I say anything.

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So tell him to bring his meal for one to your house 😳

ComtesseDeSpair · 13/11/2025 22:31

Tell him you’d love to see him and he doesn’t need to decide his arrival time now, but heads up, you aren’t cooking this year. You’re doing buffet food. Ask him what he’d like. Cold meats? Pickles? Salads? They go fine on a buffet, anyway. Tell him he’s welcome to bring something to heat up if he doesn’t fancy any of your suggestions.

If he chooses to sit alone at home because he’s put out that you aren’t cooking a full roast or doesn’t organise himself well enough to make any advance plans with you, then that’s on him. He’s an adult, he needs to behave like one, and part of that is realising his parents are people with their own wants and preferences.

QuinoafromKew · 13/11/2025 22:31

https://www.ocado.com/products/m-s-roast-turkey-dinner-for-one/530651011?srsltid=AfmBOoo0Blz0uWEGkzYX6szHXCk7jHgn7FkrsQyTEQ7RV7u0DUaGguyt
Get one of these. If he doesn't come pop in freezer.
If he come does pop in oven.

Original poster
thatsnotmynewname · 13/11/2025 22:19

AmethystDeceiver · 13/11/2025 22:15

He's your son! He's not a guest. Just tell him your plans.

I am a terrible enabler with no hope of maintaining boundaries and I would probably cook a 'just in case' turkey crown and get in ready prepared frozen roasties and trimmings etc.. don't be like me! You don't need to do this, but I think you do need to make sure he knows your plans, and that he is welcome to join.

I’m very much like you, terrible people pleaser and feel guilty if I’m not piling my sons plate high at Christmas.

OP posts: