To have told NDN that dh won’t be helping her anymore?

And we have established that she didn’t bad mouth the OP

The OP mentions 'the message where she said she didn’t know how to say and didn’t want to say but she has cried all afternoon and is stressed after my visit and that I wasn’t kind'

If you want to save your marriage looking at phone is not crossing a line, it’s about you feeling safe with in your marriage after a total stranger crossed the line. No need to be a cool wife she’s over stepping not you

I may have missed it-but has the OP used the term “multiple”? I say 10 minutes because I am assuming once down and once up. And yes, I would be happy to do that or for my dp to do that. And we have established that she didn’t bad mouth the OP. She said she was upset-it was the OP who said he thought the OP was being mean.

Cross post!

Are you being deliberately obtuse on this thread? If it was 10 minutes once a week then it would probably be ok, 10 minures every day would be annoying, except it's not, it's multiple times a day, that would fuck anyone off...

@CurlewKate , are you this obtuse in real life?

The “interupt time with your partner” thing is particularly insane. We can live without each other for 10 minutes!

Worrying that he seems more concerned about her feeling than he is about yours OP.

He's been cool with you and she felt so entitled and comfortable with him, she felt she could bitch about you?

I hope you get how absolutely unbelievable that is from a new neighbour.

I find it hard to believe he has not become smitten with her, and she knows it.

I would be so wary.

Have you asked him if she’s contacted him again? How do you know he’s on board with not communicating?

Hear, hear.

@JudgeJ though OP said in an early post that if the NDN can’t get a response from DH she messages OP to get her to chase him so that does qualify a “we can’t help quite as much” from OP.

It’s good to help others of course but there are limits and DH needs to be aware that his [presumably innocent] unlimited kindness could backfire on him IF she is manipulative and decides his enthusiasm for helping her can be relabelled as “the creep who is constantly badgering me”.

Hardly the same thing is it. Typical Mumsnet full of 'cool wife' BS. No-one would be comfortable with this situation and the H reactions in the real world

Do they ring you up whilst you are at work during the day asking for unplanned lifts too and unplanned favours?
Do they interrupt your time with your partner asking you for favours you havent previously agreed?
Do they send your partner texts slagging you off?

If not then your analogy doesn't remotely apply.

I do a taxi run to Church every Sunday (despite not going to church myself) If my dp tried to stop me, I’d be pretty damn sulky too!

Yes. The mixture of his obliviousness, this neighbour’s very alarming sense of entitlement, and her immediate nasty retaliation when thwarted, make me foresee pretty dramatic trouble ahead.

Given that DH gave out OPs phone number to NDN rather than OP deciding to do it herself, worth considering whether being involved in the other's social relationships is just the dynamic in this couple.

Also, why do women think they can makes decisions for their husbands/partner based on her own prejudices? I'm not saying he should be helping so much but having his mummy-wife telling the neighbour he won't be helping is embarrassing.

It’s your DH’s sulking when asked to stop that’s the worry.

When I met DH he had an old school friend who treated him a bit like a boyfriend on nights out. It came to a head just before we got married when she got drunk and admitted she fancied him. DH’s reaction was to tell her that she needed to stop it or they could no longer be friends. I have no doubt that he would have followed through on that if necessary.

Same here. I left home at 18, had my son at 22, lived in a Victorian conversion on the second floor (so you know it had many steps and the hallway was narrow) and I just had to get on with it. This was also back in the days where the busses were not pram friendly and lifts were a rarity.

This neighbor just seems lazy, taking the piss, and just wants an easier time of it rather than her actually struggling with motherhood in general or struggling with the pram due to a physical disability ,etc.

My 17 year old ( who is almost 18) can be like this. He will always opt for the easy route/try to have it handed to him on a plate even if that means inconveniencing others before trying things for himself, and each time I lay into him about this because if I keeled over tomorrow, then what?!?

That said, neighbor can ask all she likes, if partner can’t see what she is doing is ridiculous and going to him complaining about his wife is unacceptable then he actually needs binning.

I'm sure most people help their neighbours occasionally. But I do not believe people stating they would not mind at all if they had to do everyday tasks for someone else several times per day, every day. Healthy young woman cannot carry her groceries up the stairs?

I agree .

If this was 75 -yr old Pauline or Graham asking the DH, they'd have been fobbed off weeks ago.

I agree @Goldshelfie

The thing is that it’s not about no trust in the DH, the fact is that affairs can creep up on people, and spending time with someone can bring feelings and cause an affair when there was never any intent at the beginning. Getting to know people can cause an attraction to flourish, so that’s why we have boundaries.

It’s not as black and white as saying well if I don’t trust my DH with another woman then we should divorce. I am sure that my DH is fully committed to our relationship, but I wouldn’t like him spending a lot of one on one time with another woman even if it started off as purely innocent, because that’s when feelings can begin even when there was no bad intent at the start.

@CurlewKate , It really isn't.

she has been knocking or messaging every day wanting dh to help her up and down the stairs with the pram.
Someone else's DH.

She has asked twice for a lift to an appointment next week
Not taking No for an answer.
She messaged dh that evening upset and he’s told me I’ve been really unkind ??? It’s caused an argument ..
Coming between OP and DH, and DH is siding with NDN.

It's gone far beyond asking for occasional help and into Cheeky Fuckery.