To have told NDN that dh won’t be helping her anymore?

It's not that he wouldn't. He couldn't. He was back at work and in the office full time

Right- but he expected her to carry on doing it alone, using a sling. Therefore, he thought it was ok to do, possible to do and not an issue at all. He wasnt ringing her from work asking her how she was managing or popping home on his lunch break to help.

He views his wife as perfectly capable of doing this apparently mission impossible feat but not the neighbour. LMAO

But if it’s just so challenging to live there without help several times a day to get the pram in and out, wouldn’t he feel terrible that his own wife and child had to struggle with that every day? Instead he is telling his wife that she’s horrifyingly uncaring, because she thinks someone else should be managing like she did instead of getting her husband to be on call.

It's not that he wouldn't. He couldn't. He was back at work and in the office full time.

People are filling the gaps in this story with their own negative perceptions of useless husbands and temptress neighbours and rescue complexes... It's madness.

OP has said that she lived in this building when her children were babies and that is why she bought slings to get up and down stairs because her husband didn't help her. Now, suddently, he is the 'village' for this single mother when he couldn't even be bothered to help his own wife in the same situation.

'Gaslighting' 😅

It's weird that you've made assumptions about my lack of boundaries, given that I never gave any indication of my opinion of the neighbor's behavior, or whether I would be happy with it in OPs shoes. (For the record I would not)

Read my post. I simply suggested that if some is willing to end a marriage over this, there are clearly bigger problems at hand.

This isn’t over,@Babycarrierdilemma. I think they’ve become infatuated with each other based on the mutual gratification of their ‘rescuer’ connection, which has evolved into an EA.

She craves his attention and he laps up giving it. He has shown her how invested he is in pleasing her, hence her confidence that she can call the shots. After you threw a kink in their cozy party of 2, she felt entitled to weep and wail to him and target you. He backed her up by calling you uncaring and wouldn’t speak to you. [These immediate reactions show the extent of their enmeshment.] When you uttered ‘dealbreaker’ he agreed to curtail being constantly at her disposal. Now, however, he has gone quiet and there’s an atmosphere. He probably feels unsettled that their primary avenue to see each other ‘in plain sight’ has been thwarted and she is none too pleased.

I believe they are still messaging and will be meeting up behind your back. As their behavior has affected your peace of mind and emotional health, I wouldn’t hesitate to investigate his phone to learn what is really going on in your marriage and life.

Good on you OP nipping this in the bud before it went any further..she needs to stand on her own 2 feet and learn to cope with public transport and her shopping delivery..As for the perfect Mumsnet Mums saying you're bitter/jealous and all the other crap,ket me tell you if it was one of their poor long suffering husbands/partners(god love them) they'd be round the local Vicars making them have words with this bench.. so glad you got it all sorted x

Why does she make it seem like your dh is obligated to help her. She is crossing the line by going behind your back and crying to your hd. You mentioned you guys even argued about it. How would your hd feel if situation was reversed and some guy complains to you about him abs you go and argue with your hd for the sake of the so called guy.... Like seriously you guys need to have a serious conversation about this because by the looks of it young miss is starting to feel entitled to your hd. Sorry to say.

You still haven't answered my question so I will ask it again:

Do they ring you up whilst you are at work during the day asking for unplanned lifts too and unplanned favours?
Do they interrupt your time with your partner asking you for favours you havent previously agreed?
Do they send your partner texts slagging you off?

If not then your analogy doesn't remotely apply does it?

You arent answering this because you cant and still insist you are in the right 😂

You are right this could and is getting out of hand. Where is her partner. OK to help a little but with everything people take advantage so have a word with husband and put yout foot down. I am not mean will help anyone but too much is causing problems. Good luck

There is a difference between being trusting and ignoring red flags, I wouldn't be with a man I can't trust but I will never trust anyone enough to ignore red flags, not again. My mom was in a similar situation as the OP, she trusted my dad completely and so did I even when the red flags began popping up and my aunt became convinced that he was cheating (I still feel like a huge idiot for defending him to her). I am not saying he is cheating but based on what she has said, the OP's husband is clearly emotionally attached to the NDN which can escalate.

Or …..
whenever she messages you go along too… go on all the car journeys and insist that you’re helping her carry the baby upstairs and she can carry the folded pram!
She doesn’t have to like you… I’m fact maybe if you’re ALWAYS there she’ll stop asking DH!

Whether your neighbour is upset or not is NOT your husbands concern. YOU ARE @Babycarrierdilemma !

You tell him that you’re done with him helping another woman and see it as the potential for an affair to start… ask him how he’d feel if you were getting another man from the neighbourhood to run you around in their car!!!!

I don’t think anything is going on. I think dh just likes to help young pretty ‘helpless’ women. It’s just the knocking and the messages are annoying me and now the way she’s gone crying to him ? I find it really irritating

Yet.
Until he goes getting more attached over the months/years and one day she starts throwing herself at her saviour because she CBA to do things by herself, which will probably include being a working single mother when her 2yrs on universal credit is up.
He's definitely getting a kick out of all this if it's only the young pretty ones he likes helping.

Since she's already come between you I'd go round there again being much more unkind and rip her a new one, then come back and do the same to him when he mentions it after she goes crying to him again. The pair of them have already banded together and jointly pushed you into the "bad guy" position. You don't have much to lose now and the way things are looking you absolutely should be "marking your territory" as it were. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work, but sitting back and watching quietly while she tries to steal your husband away from under your nose isn't going to get you anywhere either. He's already proved you can't rely on his loyalty, by siding with her against you.

OPs DH felt moved to give it to her.

I would say you have a husband problem more than a neighbour problem tbh.

You intervening on his behalf (when he is ok with helping) does make you look weirdly territorial. But she does need to learn to manage by herself . Your husband should have been the one to tell her.

I agree with you but your husband should have been the one to do this not you.

How does she have your number anyway?

These responses are so obtuse. This woman is causing problems in the OP's marriage. She is being disrespectful and offensive now. It seems those who are so insistent they would never be upset are protesting too much here.

I completely trust my DH. We have been together 27 years. We respect each other. I would however be raging if a neighbor texted my DH behind my back to say I was unkind and that they cried all afternoon and that my DH was sulking. It is out of character for OP's DH and he is clearly invested in this woman to the point he is fucking up his own marriage. How can you not see how absolutely bonkers that is? The inability or unwillingness to see that is absurd.

A friend of my DH really fancied my DM so they had to cut off contact because he kept contacting her

Your NDN is coming between you and your DH and it’s clearly impacting your relationship

as one of you ie you are uncomfortable with their relationship then it has to stop simple as that

She’s a CF for texting your DH and he’s a CF and a bad DH for saying you’ve been unkind

Sounds like they spend more time together than you realise when you’re out of the house

it’s a big problem I think

The NDN texting my DH to complain about ME constitutes slagging off

It’s the fact that the neighbour messaged OP’s DH at all to tell him that’s the problem @CurlewKate .

DH’s friend did a similar thing to me once.

Any update OP? I would ask to read his messages with this woman, the relationship is inappropriate and if it isn’t he should have no concerns showing you.

No, I wouldn’t. The person doing the slagging off was the Dh.

CurlewKate I doubt very much if you'd be happy if your NDN had been slagging you off to your DH via text, or would you be ok with that too?